Miraquill
INSOMNIA
IN-SOME-I HAVE-NO IDEA
©lyricalslouch
lyricalslouch
writing is my LOVE....PAIN is my teacher...LIFE is my test
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lyricalslouch
94w
Read MoreI feel as though I've been stripped of my very soul, lost in this confusion and chaos, for I cannot even keep up with maintaining my habitat, how many moments and actions vanished from my mind, my memory displaced with a loss of complete recollection, my body took over by a vodoo almost, every day lost in delusions and impulsivive reactions, erratic moods and confused emotions, I look in the mirror and the very second I look my face vanished with a smoky ghostly trace of the physical form I desperately lost, how long will this last?, is this my demise? #emotionalmoment #sleeploss#struggle @writerschoice @writersnetwork #writerschoice #writersnetwork #mirrakeworld@mirrakeworld @mirrake#mirrake
INSOMINA-SLEEP DEPRIVATION
I feel as though I've been stripped of my very soul, lost in this confusion and chaos, for I cannot even keep up with maintaining my habitat, how many moments and actions vanished from my mind, my memory displaced with a loss of complete recollection, my body took over by a vodoo almost, every day lost in delusions and impulsivive reactions, erratic moods and confused emotions, I look in the mirror and the very second I look my face vanished with a smoky ghostly trace of the physical form I desperately lost, how long will this last?, is this my demise?
©lyricalslouch -
lyricalslouch
96w
What happened to me?
I try to fix problem after problem even the problems I create in my mind when I obsess about making sure I'm doing all I can and to not fall short. But beyond the bills, rent, appointments, duties etc is a problem I can't think my way out of or manipulate my way past. That I am no longer the person I was 10yrs ago. I no longer have my mother but I also no longer have my self. With every fiber of my being I am trying to accept the fact that no matter what I do I will never be who I was. Even if I lost the weight and became quite attractive again, and stay sober, and do endless counseling and therapy sessions and psychoanalysis and mindfulness and even medications, and I get back my old apartment right next to my mother's building, NO MATTER WHAT I DO TO BE THAT OLD PERSON I can NEVER BRING HIM BACK. The death of my mother drove my borderline personality disorder to a point so strong it forever altered my neurochemistry, thought patterns, cognitive functions, even the stuff deeper than the mind but my soul....my beliefs, pride, attitude, self of security etc...and the worst part of all in this dismay is the secret and change that I can't accept. That I will never have a long-term intimate relationship with a woman and it kills me. That with all my knowledge I just can't maintain a functional healthy long-term relationship and the reason why I can't even can't be put into words. The DSM 5 would say "continual unstable relationships" but that doesn't explain why. I have more compassion and love then 90% of the people I know but I just can't use it properly and I am dying inside to kiss a beautiful lady on her soft lifts and to just look at eachother with so much passion that just for that moment the world stops and nothing else matters and EVERYTHING IS OK!
I CANT ACCEPT THAT ILL NEVER TRULY EXPERIENCE THAT EVER AGAIN.. ITS JUST AS GONE AS MY MOTHER... AND IT EATS AT ME DAY AFTER DAY. THANKS FOR LETTING ME CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER.
MAX EDSON
@lyricalslouch
©lyricalslouch -
Absent of focus leaving me felling empty with empty motivation
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lyricalslouch
105w
U SAID 4 EVER YOU'D HOLD ME #mommas boy
Cold nights reminiscing sitting lonely u said 4 ever you'd hold me, but now with u gone I don't even know ME, praying to god somehow someway he'll show me, before I throw my life away so much guilt I wanna disown me, the memories and visions OWN me, and I thought solitary confinement was lonely, what I'd do to get u back, look at your smile and watch u laugh, I can't accept the fact that your never coming back, fingers and thumb on the handgun in my lap, willing to die to get you back, leave my body numb and my brain in my lap, if I make it to heaven I can once again have u in my grasp, finally hold your hand, once again the old us in a new Land, walking in the clouds holding hands, once again together again.
This is dedicated to my MOTHER. ELLA JAUNITA WANAT, SHE WAS A NURSE FOR 28 YEARS, MY MOTHER WAS MY WHOLE LIFE, I MISS U MA DUKES
WE SOLDIER'S
©lyricalslouch -
I find myself in a metamorphosis, changing with each and every moment. My mind and body under a transformation created by the HAVOC and trials in which I endure. I feel as though destruction and dismay is ultimately inevitable and all struggle is completely futile. Thoughts of suicide no longer carry the message of demise but rather the execution of something beautiful and triumphant. A state of ecstasy and relief which will seem like heaven falling upon my decrepit TORN soul.
©lyricalslouch -
WHO AM I?
Day to day, its like a fog...I remember my destination but I don't remember the course, I remember the game but I can't remember the players, I remember the victory but I can't recall the battle, I totally disassociate from my actions, I recall what I've done but I can't recall my direction, so is life with a traumatic brain injury.....
TBI....TBI....TB....T....B....I
©lyricalslouch -
"FLAWS"
Everyday I focus on them, I dwell on them, I obsess over them, I try to change them, I try to deny them, I try to forget them,
NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TRY
I CAN'T SEEM TO-
ACCEPT them!
©lyricalslouch -
lyricalslouch
210w
NO LONGER
I no longer wish to breathe, to have this life force dwell within me, for I seek an end, my death, a final resting place. For only if my blood would relinquish itself, even turn black like charcoal, even turn to solid form and become like rock, for only if my pulse would stop and my blood pressure would plummet, such a magnificent victory it would be, a release of tension and may my soul dissipate and may my body slump over as my eyes turn cloudy and the very essence of my being drifts away with the wind. I no longer care to live!
©lyricalslouch -
lyricalslouch
211w
Reflections #1
I feel as if I no longer have an "energy source" or "thrive" within me. As if I've been depleted of all PSYCHOLOGICAL life. All that's left is this PHYSICAL entity or mass of flesh and bone. My "soul" or "spirit" has vacated my body. I remember being energetic and vibrant, even witty, but now I seem blah and pathetic. I feel lethargic and weak almost to a crippled psychological state. I've lost Hope and now feel eager for the "END". I've almost completely abondoned my interest and now desire to simply just rest. Close my eyes, slip into my dreams, and finally rest. Though I have no reason to feel this tired, at least physically, must be a case of mental fatigue. Excuse me while I rest
©lyricalslouch
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For I possess no riches nor any exuberant beauty
So only moulding myself in the matrix of knowledge can make me immortal
©afrozakhan -
Without Mom,
No matter what have I won,
Without mom,
I'm a loser,
No matter how strong I am,
Without mom,
I'm a coward,
No matter how many people with me,
Without mom,
I'm a loner,
No matter who I am,
Without mom,
I'm a no one,
©nirwana -
benevolent_diaries
225w
STOP!
You can't find happiness in the same place where you lost it!
©Parnicka -
ariachez
219w
They call it
silence,
but I call it
war song,
I sing it
as I battle,
with my own
chaos.
©ariachez | apr192018 -
redrube
218w
I have done things for you.
Not because I wanted you to know them
But because I wanted you to feel them.
From cleaning up your trash
To drowning in your expletives
I have had it all.
Do you remember the first time
I had said that I couldn't do it anymore?
I couldn't be with you anymore?
It was because our once beautiful castle
Was turning into the deteriorating debris,
Where my breaths were getting suffocated
And I was pining for your once fragranced love.
How would you not remember it?
I was covered with scars and bruises,
Mental and physical ones.
You had declared me as your slave.
I was. I never denied that.
I was a slave of my love for you.
I cleaned your feet
With which you kicked me like a lifeless body
I massaged your arms
With which you knocked me down.
I eloped with you with so many colourful dreams in my mind
All I have now is black and white.
All I see is black and white.
That's what you've made me
Tearing down my rainbows
Into thunder and storms.
I'm giving up.
I have no strength left it me
To wipe your vomit
Everytime you puke.
Excuse me for housing a future with you.
I couldn't have been more wrong.
I'm flying away
Not because I stopped loving you.
It was always eternal.
And unconditional, too.
I'm flying away
Because I have known my worth
Because I have known I deserve so much better.
I bid you adieu, my love,
For I would never want to see you.
I wish you could give up your obsession
I swear I would have stayed.
But fate doesn't accept everything you wish for.
Hence, here I am,
When the ticking of clock is all you can hear
With my bags ready and heart, too.
I'm leaving for good.
I'm leaving because
I have done things for you
And I don't want to do them anymore.
©redrubie
