I write as if to save somebody's life, probably mine.

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  • anush18 5d

    Somedays are vulnerable, and it's not a single thing that makes it worst, there are series of events, No. Not events, catastrophes actually. It takes 5 positive things to outweigh a single negative thing. I'm more of an introverted kid, but that doesn't mean I'm defective or I don't deserve the things I have. People are parasites, they will consume every bit of your body, and they will leave your ears to make you listen all the bad stuffs they have about you.

    Less than a month is left, and all I am doing right now is: hating a place I used to love, the place is never bad, the things there make it bad or good. it's just a point of view, sometimes we fail to find happiness, and sometimes we are so done with things that even giving a smile is a burden.

    ~Nature is always your healer.
    •puppies+plants+friends that match your insanity level= daily dose of being positive in this cycle. Why are we trying to be positive? "Is there a day for celebrating negativity?"

    I can't imagine a world without pups, humans are still acceptable.
    And nature? Even a pessimist can't resist nature!

    Where are we heading to?
    Who knows?
    Who can limit our thinking and our future?
    It depends on what we make of it.

    In the end no matter how rough your day was, there is your family (including the friends I have) we don't need large friend circles, we are just two points, connecting each other, understanding each other, and representing the best of ourselves. My life in a nutshell xD.

    {[16/12, 10:53 AM] a friend: Your tears are too precious to fall for such reason. You've got enough potential to cover up this "negligible" loss. I felt low seeing you like such.

    Next morning is waiting for you. As i always say, "when the morning comes i watch you rise." And you will, i believe.

    Gather all the power you've got, unwrap all the good moments you've witnessed. You'll feel great.
    [16/12, 10:55 AM] A friend : In the end,

    *In the busy streets, I found myself being mesmerized by the colourful lights , paired with the blinding headlights of vehicles passing.*

    Once a good person told me "good things take time to happen", though it's not a less known fact but it makes a lot of sense right now.

    Bad and good experiences both define our lives, and these bad experiences have a lesson to teach, they are not for parasitising our brains. After all, we have our own requirements of brightness. You keep looking for ways to get out of from this suffering. You know that you're more than you think of yourself. I wish I could forget everyone I know in just a blink of an eye, I want to start fresh. According to zen Buddhism, desires lead to suffering, though I'm not religious but I can't deny this, having no desires for anything saves you from drowning after learning and facing the truth. I love the rituals we make to remember the dead, even when you're deadpanned and frozen, even when your voice fluctuates and you choke while speaking, you have to be there with the lavenders for your loved ones that once used to exist in the book of your life, losing them is like gluing the favorite page of your life's book but you have to look for something like that but not �������������� that. Because everything is different, even organ transplants are so critical, if your body doesn't agree, poof! You're gone. So how are you going to retrieve the dead? Internet? New faces? Interactions? Their memories? Or Alzheimer's? So that you never remember who they were, or where do you live.

    : ���������� ���������������� ������ ���������� ��������������������...

    Life is shit sometimes, and the biggest achievement at the other, there is no such thing as "big achievements", every small moment piles up into something huge, that can be miniscule to others, but monumental for ourselves.

    Things that are finished, are meant to be destroyed? hunh? Well that goes well with human body, but not everytime, what about the rotten flesh that you've been carrying to places. I feel good to know that some people die at 20 but get buried at 80, it just needs a reality switch to turn on. It's been long since I've really sat all alone in pure silence, nothing else but only raw panic and some pain, and some freshness out of the blues, it will take a lot of time to really go out all those goods and bads but I know it's worth it. It is always you and your memories and your words.

    ©anush18, ��
    �� ���� �������� ���� ���������� ������������ �������������� �������������������� ��������, ��

    @writersnetwork @summersin @miraquill

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  • anush18 1w

    We have our own share of breakdowns but we can't pace through life, life is not about living quickly, it's about living fully. It's half past midnight and the stars are visible, there is this question if "I will ever make them miss me?" What I've done to make them miss me? Nothing, this introverted side has never done anything. It's just one last time. I'm trying to write. Life goes on without us noticing it. I'm doing everything that I did yesterday, from online classes to watching a lecture on uses of biotechnology, you see, I'm still trying. Masquerading happiness is hard, living grief is harder. And if you think to end everything, just know that, people have seen death and fought back for life, fought back for their dreams or passion. you have to fight back as well. you have to fight back for going down the streets, meeting strangers, feel grateful, create journals, for a new skill, for a late night out with your friends, for spending your vacations with your favourite person and sing your favourite song in a new city with them amid the crowd that has nothing to do with you but still has so much to do with you.

    Everything that has fallen apart doesn't come into our knowledge easily, we know that things are piecing back together and suddenly a hurricane took everything that you thought to be perfect. This is how it works. disturbances, alterations, aberrations, anomalies but we keep on searching for our research papers, for our dreamscape, for our very own hypothesis, most importantly, for not having any complaints about life, to live it to the fullest.
    ©anush18 ��

    @writersnetwork @miraquill #wod १८

    Thanks a lot @writersnetwork ����

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  • anush18 10w

    naykinephantom_ @anush18 I remember how I came across your magical posts for the first time. We do share the good taste of music and all, but yeah your words kinda inspired me.

    I know you've gone through a lot. You have had your ups and downs. But even in them, you always care to listen. Thanks for listening to me, my blabbering about almost everything. I am lacking words for thanking you.

    Thanks for having my back. You're a good friend and one hell of a writer. Here's to good life, music and writings.

    #ProjectHail Mary♥

    No matter what I do, no matter wherever I go, I'll come back to my roots. You are that root to me, you're that home, that I look in a person. I know you were going through a lot in past few months, but you said you will be fine once November is over, the day of dead, it is. And you were born on this day. How strange!

    We are instilled with fears and sadness, but then you happened, like a ray of sunshine, on a dreary day. Make your parents proud, make yourself proud.
    Leap for the best. Never stop chasing perspectives.
    I'm proud of you, i have always been!

    I had to be here, since, it's your day. Sorry for being late.

    Pretty Fears, I still remember! ��
    @vaniloquence Happy Birthday ����

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    What's a soulmate?

    It's uh... Well, it's like a best friend but more. It's the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It's someone who makes you a better person. Actually, they don't make you a better person, you do that yourself - because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. It's the one person who knew you and accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did, or when no one else would. And no matter what happens, you will always love them. Nothing can ever change that.

    ~Dawson Leery

  • anush18 13w

    I am made of quiet storms washing themselves away.

    /— Fray Narte/

    I and you,
    You and I.
    Push me
    down the cliff.
    Save me from
    falling for a
    melancholic heart.

    These days, all the memories, I have with you, are crying, and they will fade away just like the tears on my cheeks. The fire-alarms ticking in my head, pushing my veins harder and harder to ooze out blood with reminiscences of the yore. Where did it all start? Let me mourn and burn myself in the morning, till then let me live the dusk.

    The first time ever I saw you.
    An incredulous sight.
    That miniscule sight of yours
    became the monumental truth
    of my life.

    Your eyes- �������� ���������� ���� ������������ �������� �������� ������ ���������� ���������� �������� ������������������ ������ ���� ����������������. I have summoned all my strength, and now I'm here, in front of you, my senses failed. What happened? I didn't realize that it was the first time when I lost myself to something monumental. You're incredible.

    I wanna save that light residing in your eyes, lighting the ways of those who are still going. Tears fall down and freeze to death, now what remains is "regrets of not being true to myself."

    I knew myself so well, but I was ���������� with my feelings, I tamed my own soul and my soul followed my words.

    I am a person who does not believe in prayers, but I prayed for the first time yesterday, and I can see the magic, the modus operandi of prayers.

    I prayed for you. I prayed that you may have endless supply of wonderful days, and I may never have this urge to see you in future anymore.

    May you never come in front of my eyes.
    And If we ever met, push me down the cliff.
    so that you may live, and my cemetery may live
    with the orchids sent by you.

    @writersnetwork #cruelc

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    Push me down the cliff.

  • anush18 21w

    #ProjectHailMary @miraquill @writersnetwork
    #pod #wod


    ”And I have by me, for my comfort, two strange white flowers - shriveled now, and brown and flat and brittle - to witness that even when mind and strength had gone, gratitude and a mutual tenderness still lived on in the heart of men.
    H. G. Wells, The Time Machine

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    and with all these springs, I've spent bleeding, god,
    have I not bled enough?
    straying in the wuthering heights,
    trying to fill the pit of random happiness,
    I go down, more and more,
    happiness being hollow,
    carrying a heart, mellow.
    I want to see myself drown once —
    Just once in such graceful, calm, permanent surrender.
    for the last time.

  • anush18 21w

    Face this world. Learn its ways, watch it, be careful of too hasty guesses at its meaning. In the end you will find clues to it all.
    H.G. Wells, The Time Machine

  • anush18 22w

    my skin has always been mine to break.
    now I have realized that loving you was in
    my nature, deep down in my bones.
    and shattering was yours.
    i burn, you watch.
    i die, you fly.
    i'm an old book
    preserved in a
    banned museum,
    where, visits no one,
    but insects and reptiles,
    bleeding but thriving.

  • anush18 23w


    #ProjectHailMary @miraquill @writersnetwork
    Lines in (//) not mine.. Chaotic :D
    #city #TooGalmToGiveAdamn

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    //I've been stuck in my life.
    I don't even wanna scream,
    I'm just smoking my grace,
    I've been staring at the ceiling
    as the radio plays.//
    I've been waiting for the beasts,
    to conquer the fields, barren and droughted.
    I've seen the worst and now I pray for a curse,
    To give me holy death, but I fear of being a devil.
    I don't deserve a death, they say.
    I will survive and stray, they say.
    I will roam and stay, they say.

    I'll be setting this whole city on fire,
    they will float on the molten fire.
    And I'll watch them burn?
    Is there a blessing?
    Do heaven exists?
    I wait to see the garlands of death.
    I wish to die at the pre-dawn so that I can be forgotten,
    as my slavery gets buried in the pit of anxiousness.

  • anush18 23w

    और उस दिन जब सबने देखा मुझे, और देख के भी न जान पाए मेरे पसीजते हुए दिल को, तब वो कठोरता का कवच टूट कर बिखर गया। भाग आया था मैं वहाँ से, किसी ने नहीं देखा था, जाने तुमने कैसे देख लिया।

    आज तक ये मलाल लिए फ़िरता हूँ, कि कभी समझ नहीं पाया तुम्हें, पहले समझा होता तो आज यूँ पागल सा न फ़िरता। पर, दर्द से ऊँचा है भला कुछ? तुम्ही कहती थी न, और आज जब दर्द असह्य हो गया और मैं बिखर गया तो तुम ही आयी मुझे बचाने। क्यों?

    तुम्हें कैसे पता होती हैं वो सारी बातें, जिन्हें मेरी माँ के अलावा और कोई नहीं जानता? क्यों बुखार के वक़्त माँ को भेजकर खुद सारी रात जग कर ख्याल रखती थी? क्यों तुम्हें पता हैं वो सारी बातें जिनसे मैं अंजान हूँ।

    मुझे नहीं पता इन सवालों के जवाब, पर तुम, आज जब बहोत दूर हो मुझसे, तो तुम्हारी यादों के बुलबुले मन में बनते और फ़ूटते रहते हैं। याद आता है मुझे तुम्हारे हाथों से परोसा हुआ वो प्यार, जिसे मैं कभी आंक नहीं पाया। आंकता भी कैसे, तुम कितनी गहरी हो, और मैं कितना खोखला।

    उस दिन जब तुमने पूछा की, मुझे आज भी हमारे बीते हुए कल की बातें याद हैं, तो मैं कुछ घबराया था, और फिर ठेहर गया, घुल गया उस सन्नाटे में, बाहर क्या हो रहा था कुछ नही दिख रहा था, सब धुंधला था, और फ़िर तुम्हारे स्पर्श से ये पता चला, ये कोई सपना नहीं था, ये तुम थी, काली साड़ी में, तुम्हारे पीले पड़े हुए चेहरे ने, हाँथ में धँसी चूड़ियों ने और हाथ से बहते हुए खून ने मुझे झकझोर दिया था, अंदर क्या था, वो भी जान गया था मैं, जान गया था कि तुम्हारा गुनहगार मैं था, और फ़िर ख्वाबों की दुनिया से असलियत ने ऐसा जा पटका मुझे कि सामने तुम्हारी तस्वीर पर लटके हुए माले में भी मुझे तुम्हारा वो खिले हुए फ़ूल जैसा चेहरा मुरझाते हुए दीख पड़ता था।

    Lines in (//) by Dharmvir Bharti Ji
    Also, I've written this from the boys Pov.

    The quote in (*...*) by unknown writer.

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    मैंने वो माला फ़ेंक दिया, पर नीचे देखा तो तुम्हारी तस्वीर टुकड़ों में टूटी पड़ी थी, आँसू जम चुके थे, चाह कर भी नहीं रो पा रहा था मैं, सीना फ़ट रहा था और सर में ऐसा दर्द हो रहा था कि किसी के मुख से निकला मेरा नाम भी बार बार तुम्हारी याद दिला रहा था।

    तुम मिट्टीज़दा कहती थी न मुझे, भले ही ये शब्द न हो इतिहास में, पर तुम्हारी दी इस पहचान को कैसे जाने दे सकता था मैं? //"दर्द इंसान के यक़ीदे को और मज़बूत न कर दे, आदमी के क़दमों को और ताक़त न दे, आदमी के दिल को ऊँचाई न दे तो इंसान क्या?”//

    //कभी-कभी उदासी भी थक जाती है।//
    और फ़िर ले जाती है हमें उन मीठे पलों में, जिन्हें हम जी तो नहीं सकते पर अपने आप को जीता हुआ महसूस कर सकते हैं। याद है मुझे कैसे तुम तालाब के किनारे बैठकर, अपनी छाया को बनते देख उसे मिटा रही थी मानो तुम्हारा अस्तित्त्व बनाने और मिटाने का अधिकार प्रकृति ने तुम्हें सौंप दिया हो, समझ जाना चाहिए था मुझे तब कि तुम मिट्टी कि ही तरह अपने मिट्टीज़दा के हाथों से फ़िसल रही हो, पर तब समझ नहीं पाया, और अब तुम्हें खो दिया। मुझे देखते ही झेंप गयी थी तुम, और खो गयी थी कहीं दूर, जहाँ से न तुम्हें बुला पाता और न तुम मुझे सुन पाती। और देखो, मैं नहीं ला सका तुम्हें।

    *कल के बीते पल से बेहतर
    होते याद के अक्स अक्सर।*
    मान चुका हूँ अब कि कुछ ज़ख़्म ऐसे होते हैं, कि ज़िंदगी खत्म होने पर भी वो दर्द मन को कचोटता रहता है।
    और तुम्हारे जले हुए अंश पानी में डालने के बाद ऐसे घुल गए जैसे तुम कभी थी ही नहीं। और आज भी तुम्हारे ना होने का गम और खोखला कर रहा है मुझे।

  • anush18 24w

    //What's going on in that beautiful mind?
    I'm on your magical mystery ride
    And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright//

    You know I was such a mess, I used to think that people who love us, revolve around us and I was so stupid to think that way. You know that assumption I made is totally a blunder, I was blind or something like that. It was all antagonistic, you were the ���������������������� in my fallacy but my thoughts proved me wrong. ������ ���������� ����- ���� �������������� ������������ ���������� ���� ��������, We try to imitate everything about them? Why? Just because we love them. Even when our hobbies won't match, we'll put our guards down and learn to love what our loved ones love. But I was tired. I was tired of putting my guards down everytime, and you always wanted to let me accept what you wanted. Either it be a person, or it be a book, or a random music playlist, anything. And Now I'm done.

    //My head's under water
    But I'm breathing fine
    You're crazy and
    I'm out of my mind//

    My head is in the grave but I have the honour of this wild grace I carry upon my shoulders. My friend once said or �������� ������������������ ���� ���������� "������ �������� ���� �������� �� ���������������� ��������, ���� ���������� ����������, ����������?" I agree with that friend and I keep humming these lines as if they were a prayer.

    I chose to abide hatred, and so I'm offered hatred.
    I remember how you came up with that song, //ऐ ज़िंदगी गले लगा ले// the line which said " हमने बहाने से छुप के ज़माने से, पलकों के पर्दों में घर कर लिया, तेरा सहारा मिल गया है ज़िंदगी... and so on. I was shattered, you came to pacify me. Or was it a dream? It was the only real thing I got to see with you. I was crying on your shoulders after these lines crossed my soul as if they were a sword which pierced me into two, and then you held my hands and made me dance, the last dance probably(Not), ~Surely.

    //Cause all of me
    Loves all of you
    Love your curves
    and all your edges
    All your perfect
    Give your all to me
    I'll give my all to you
    You're my end and my beginning
    Even when I lose, I'm winning//

    I was devastated, the flickering lights of the streets where we chilled all day long, were burning all my blood left in my body. The lights made me realize how uncertain you were, just like ���� ������ �������� ���������� �������������� ���� ���� ����������, in short, uncertain, the lights were temporary, permanent ~darkness was. Even when I had nothing but you beside me, I had it all. Whatever I lost was nothing in front of you but you left and the flickering stopped and the hopes given up.

    //������ �������� ���������� ���� �� �������� ���� �������� ������?
    Even when you're ������������, you're ������������������ too
    The world is beating you ��������,
    I'm around through every mood
    ���������� ���� ������ ����������, ����'���� �������� �������������� ������������
    �������������� ���� ������, ������������ ����'�� ��������// ~�������� ������������

    I remember my sister asked me to listen to this song and honestly this was a drug, then. Made me run all day long, cause it was the hope I had, hope I saved, hope I left. Wanted you to say that stop being someone else, stop pretending that you're happy, but just like the flickering lights, you made me believe that you'll come back, and YOU will come back to me, you came but you never told.

    And I decided to find you, your existence is just like mother's lap on a very bad day, you came to fill all the voids, which I left at its own. Though, it pained, but not more than your leaving.

    I found you, even when you found, you didn't. Because you never wanted me. And I was a fool to believe your promises, you made ~Years ago.

    You came back, you wanted to say SORRY, but all you got to write was a eulogy. I never accepted your apology, will I accept your eulogy, do you think that I will? ~not a fool anymore.

    And now the last verse,
    //My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
    I can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you//
    ©all of me, The legendary ~John Legend

    The only song that I wanted you to sing was -All of me, but now I sing.

    //Was I stupid to love you?
    Was I reckless to help?
    Was it obvious to everybody else
    That I'd fallen for a lie?
    You were never on my side
    Fool me once, fool me twice
    Are you death or paradise?
    Now you'll never see me cry
    There's just no time to die//
    ©Billie Elish

    Dismiss! ��

    That friend is- @surefire

    I love you all~John Legend, Toby Gad.
    ~Billie Elish, FINNEAS
    ~Gulzar Sahab ����

    Voice matter, but before that the writer matters as well! ��

    #mysticaugust #writersbay @writersnetwork #ceesreposts #pod #TooGalmToGiveAdamn

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    The truth: We revolve around those we love!