bel_gonzalez

I write thoughts and occasionally turn them into poems and/or songs. Follow me on Instagram @bel._gonzalez

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  • bel_gonzalez 32w

    Question:

    Are there any Spanish-speaking pleople on here?

  • bel_gonzalez 105w

    Desire
    O v e r t h r o w s
    Decorum

    ©bel_gonzalez

  • bel_gonzalez 105w

    Stars
    C a m o u f l a g e
    Our motives


    ©bel_gonzalez

  • bel_gonzalez 105w

    His eyes
    D i s a r r a y
    The world


    ©bel_gonzalez

  • bel_gonzalez 175w

    Why I'm still wretched -again-
    after all the paths travelled;
    Why the knot in my throat still
    follows me, sneakily.
    Lost and
    deflated
    I've gone numb again.
    I'm a loser; in yours,
    I see my mother's eyes.
    My past bites,
    burns our feet
    as we walk this sand;

    You hold the tip of my finger,
    half curled, around yours
    And we smile awkwardly
    or politely
    or blindly;
    and we fuck angrily
    or fearlessly
    or anxious, to feel alive;

    Are we empty or starving
    or running?
    Is it us or the voices
    within or
    around us?
    I fell in love over
    a weekend,
    in a past life;
    I thought I'd
    use you, but you used me
    more effectively.

    Do you get high off the venom
    that you're spilling?

    With a toe in your mouth,
    you look content
    and bitter: you're a proud victim;

    We're stuck-


    ©bel_gonzalez

  • bel_gonzalez 197w

    I cry, cry alone
    In my cave
    All of my humanness out
    I'm but an empty
    Disposable body
    For the next wise man
    To come around

    How long have these tears been
    stacking up?
    Did they hide under all
    The parties and lovers
    Is this why my feet never touched the ground

    On time

    Joy falls through my hands
    Like running water
    I'm never prepared for the next
    never aware
    while it matters

    And I don't remember if I was ever
    Just happy
    Seems like blinded romanticizing
    No matter how sunny, how pink the glasses
    It's always me


    ©bel_gonzalez

  • bel_gonzalez 197w

    Songwriting

    Read More

    I usually handle knives

    Carelessly

    But this one's looking

    like a murder weapon

    Beautiful

    Do you think it'd hurt if

    I cut my skin?

    Do you think the scar would

    Give away my pain forever?


    ©bel_gonzalez

  • bel_gonzalez 197w

    With only the warmth
    Of a coffee
    Or tea,
    I roam through mornings
    and evenings
    ... Afternoons;
    Unheard,
    Unseen
    I'm a ghost
    I'm haunted
    By the ones
    Who see me
    And my own
    Memory

    If only silence
    Was silence alone
    And not
    Neighbors and
    Sirens
    And cars honking
    If only, one could
    Be alone
    Instead of lonely ;
    Disillusioned
    In a city full of
    lies and not
    One believer

    How stupid of me
    it was
    to think
    I'd be something
    Other than this.
    ©bel_gonzalez

  • bel_gonzalez 198w

    The satisfaction of hunger
    And other oxymorons
    Like Cobain; the comfort
    In being sad
    I get it today
    Nowadays better
    than before, too well,
    These realizations
    Take away
    The freedom of surrender
    And self-pity.
    Self-destruction becomes involuntary
    And invisible
    Ordinary and
    unattractive
    As I am, in this state.
    Wisdom - maybe
    Fulfillment; never.
    Once again, that old feeling
    I thought I beat
    Long ago...
    I'm a piece of shit.
    In a city full of strangers,
    I'm the one I picture naked
    Every time I'm one of them.
    In a world where I don't
    Want to be
    Every blessing is
    Mockery,
    Life's irony.
    I'm a loser with potential,
    They said
    So much potential
    But isolation is
    My only home;
    Like a womb
    Tumble down these
    White walls, close the shades
    To keep the eyes out

    But it's me.

    ©bel_gonzalez

  • bel_gonzalez 204w

    Maybe I don’t want to
    Get better
    Maybe I don’t want to
    Be sane
    As long as it goes
    Mostly unnoticed
    As long as I look ok
    Maybe this makes life
    More bearable
    Intensely
    Disoriented I walk
    These streets
    Like a ghost
    haunting
    The ones
    Who see me
    The ones
    Who know me
    Becoming strangers
    As I become
    My darkest thoughts
    Most twisted secrets
    Burn eyes
    Like lemon
    You arm yourself with
    Trends and
    Disdain
    Running in packs
    Fitting in
    was never my intention
    Got no ambitions
    Defined by you
    As valid
    Vapid
    The tub you bathe in
    I’m walking barefoot
    On your shattered crystal
    Clear
    unconscious conscience
    All what we see
    Stacked up
    Evaporates
    Clouds up the once
    See through walls and ceiling
    The boundaries
    Set up by
    The ones who taught you
    To be ashamed
    To be
    contained, contently
    we swallowed
    Their unwholly knowledge
    Got bitter words
    hidden
    All under my tongue
    The men that have loved me
    All know what it tastes like
    It spills out gradually
    Religiously
    Inevitably and none of them
    Ever
    Wanted to get better
    Together
    We thrive in the mess
    We make
    We make love
    But it’s loving
    We can’t take
    The alms
    Of good people
    made to break
    Are their rules
    And my heart
    And maybe
    That’s how I like it




    ©bel_gonzalez