You made my heart skip a beat the night you dedicated this song to me. It was another normal night where we were discussing our favourite songs. You sent me short clips of your favourite songs and I thought Soniyo song was one of them but suddenly you texted this song is for me. I couldn't believe my eyes. But you keep on saying that each and every single word is for me. You wrote in bold letters that EVERY DAMN WORD IS FOR ME. And I was like what should I say now. You made me speechless. But after a few minutes of our conversation when I said I don't love you, you said that the song is for your woman. How can you dedicate this song to someone whose love changes within a minute. Then I became sad and suddenly you said I am your woman. My eyes lit up after reading this. My lips curved into a smile, a smile whose reason was only you.
//Soniyo O soniyo
Tumhe Dekhta hoon to sochta hoon bas yahi
Tum jo mera saath do
Sare gam bhula ke
Jee lu muskuraake zindagi//
Then you said this is not just a song for you. These are your emotions and this is what you actually feel for me. This is what you actually mean to me. And you said whenever I listen to this song I have to imagine that you are singing in front of me, for me. I instantly searched for that song and surprisingly it was the first song in my playlist. I played it and listened to it on loop. With each and every line my heart beats faster and faster. I actually felt that you and I were dancing to this song.
//Tu dede mera saath tham le haath
Chahe jo bhi ho baat
Tu bas de de mera saath
Tu dede mera saath tham le haath
Chahe jo bhi ho baat
Tu bas de de mera saath//
It was really surprising that you wanted me to be by your side despite my irritating behaviour. But you said only I can irritate you and you love to get irritated by me. My heart melted and cheeks blushed. I asked my universe," Are you the one for me ?" How could someone be so dumb, decent and innocent all the three at the same time? How could a guy who had never talked to any girl before fall for me? Deep inside I knew that you are a pure soul who deserves everything in this entire universe. But I wasn't sure whether I deserve you or not. Everytime I say I don't deserve you, you get angry. Everytime I doubt whether we will be together or not, something happens which draws me closer to you. Everytime I ask the universe for signs, it shows me butterflies and angel numbers. Everytime I think about you it feels right.
Everything is falling apart those who once believed in me, now misunderstanding me for something which I haven't done so far. Every time I sit to have my meal their cursed words stab my heart and make my soul bleed. I cried and begged by folding my hands that don't hate me at least not in front of me, if you wish to do so then do it behind my back so that I can freely breathe. Their words are like the sharp knives peeling off the layers of my self worth that once brightly shines. I put myself in their shoes to understand their perspective but they never tried to understand mine, Instead they humiliated me more when I disclosed that I badly need a psychiatrist In order to save my poor life. They said that i'm lying and faking my tears but deep inside my every inch is battling with demons and unknown fears. Why didn't they give me chance to speak and to prove myself innocent maybe they are too self centred and ignorant towards my feelings because they spent their lives in such an environment. They claim that they are my well wishers but unfortunately they are no less than Hitler. They claim that they know what's best for me but they don't know that it can be worse for me. They claim that they can't see me in pain but there was no one to hug me tight when I was crying my heart out in the rain. They said that one day I will bring shame on them but they don't know that every day after waking up I pray to god to keep them happy every now and then. They said that I will suffer and cry in pain but they don't know that I'm dying every second and miss the old me who used to be happy and sane. Tell me how many times should I ask for apologies for the deeds which I can't commit even in my dreams. Tell me for how many times should I stop myself from committing suicide please let me know what you decide will you let me live on my terms or force me to slit my wrist without thinking twice.
Loving you is my first and last wish for my well-being but telling you is luxury in this life; I cannot afford to lose you, sorry darlin. So, let me love you from distance, forever. This girl cannot label this electrical feeling; gosh! you are so dreamy, boyyy. ♡