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  • bouncy 5w

    11:40pm 28/10/2021 #fiction #bb_umb

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    Unsent message to my mom on bed #5

    It's been a while uh?
    Well, I tried writing to you ma. I did and that made me realize I haven't just shut myself vocally but also through the words, through writing, the easiest escape of all. And now, it's like all the doors are shut and I'll have to live in this darkness forever.

    "A narcissist cannot love."
    I'm still trying to accept this ma. He gave me trauma instead of affection. His love came with a tag which says, terms and conditions applied. The silent treatment he gives me is worst than anything ma. He ruined my teenage. And lately, I've been missing myself. I miss singing out loud in kitchen, telling you "I hate you" just because I want to talk, all the time. But talking drains me now. I'm sorry I don't talk much these days ma. The words keep lingering in my head but I can't figure why don't they just come out.

    Well, you know how I always sleep because I love dreams right? But ma, now the dreams are as scary as the real life and there's no way to escape. I hate sleeping too.
    Amidst all the chaos and the suicidal thoughts that has resided in my head, it's you who keeps me alive.

    So ma, as I always request you,
    Please don't leave us ma.
    Stay for a while. Take a later flight.

  • bouncy 5w

    27/10/2021 11:15pm #bb_md

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    Panic attack

    My body is my own stalker and the panic attacks in the parking lot. My sympathetic nervous system will activate fight or flight response in the face of this invisible danger. Hyperventilation cuts off oxygen into my brain and my stomach lurches.

    Two voices in my head screams, like I'm in a dream and I scream but I can't make any noise.

    "This will pass"
    I can't breath.
    I can't breath.
    I can't breath. I'm dying.
    The breath through my mouth passing through the throat constricts the ribcage. My arms and legs feel numb.

    "This will pass. A panic attack usually lasts from 5 to 20 minutes."
    I need to grab a knife, slit my hand, my throat, and everywhere it hurts. Every cell in my body screams, bones crackle like they are breaking into million pieces.

    "Take a deep breath, this will pass"
    I need to jump off the cliff. The blood rushes in my veins under the skin and explodes like a rocket into stratosphere with such great force the vision of astronauts fades from stars to blackness. I just need to jump out of my skin.

  • bouncy 16w

    Writing after a long time �� so, couldn't get the good one. I missed writing though, especially erotica!
    #bb_er 12:00am 13/08/2021

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    Trance state

    Most of the nights I lay with the naked thoughts of you and me lingering within my neurons, with vivid images of us placid over my eyelids. Breathing in, the lust in the air around, I breath out the oxytocin through every pore of my skin. You make me feel dead on the bed of pleasure, where the frequency of our moans match our heart beats.

  • bouncy 22w

    10:20pm 30/06/2021

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    A free prescription

    Take a long walk in the woods and exhale all the anxiety
    Let trees inhale it, along with the carbon dioxide
    Sit along the lake and drop stones,
    With as much as force you can apply
    And throw them as far as you can
    Let your anger shrink deep into the water
    Plant a seed and take some time to water it everyday,
    it keeps your mind occupied from depressive episodes
    Lay on bare land and stare into the infinite sky
    Take in the positive energy from mother earth and
    Let go of negativity into the sky through air

    The nature is an old yet
    best therapist in the world
    So, why not utilitize this free prescription?

  • bouncy 22w

    11:20pm 29/06/2021

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    We are sad, we are all miserable
    It's all in our heads yet we can't help ourselves
    So if you can don't let it bother you, if you can't
    go take a pill because it's psychic
    Or hug your pillow and let the sadness shrink into it.
    Count your blessings.
    Got none? Buy yourself a pizza, count it as one.
    Because in the end, as Margaret Atwood said,
    " We'll all become stories",
    Why not become a happy and inspiring one?

  • bouncy 23w

    #random 9:35pm 23/06/2021

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    Yellow proud dandelion

    "How did you even fall in love with him?"

    "Like the falling leaves in October, dry but yellow."

  • bouncy 23w

    10:15pm 20/06/2021

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    Happy Father's Day, Ma.

    Happy Father's Day
    For all the single mom's out there
    Stop for a while mothers!
    Make a cup of coffee for yourself.
    Let the grief residing over your lip leave the home
    Adopt the happiness and make room for it
    Dump the clothes of responsibilities and
    purchase yourself a brand new dress called freedom
    Scream out all the metaphors
    of sacrifice you have been swallowing for years
    Wash away all the poems of struggles off your skin
    Be proud that you managed to play both the roles
    Doesn't matter if you did the best
    After all these years of shedding sweat
    Shed tears of proudness this night to bed
    Slow down mothers. Slow down for a while
    It takes goddamn courage for a mother to be a dad
    And you are a badass women for doing that
    Keep your heads up mother's. Never down that chin
    Celebrate for kicking the life right on its ass
    Because mothers, you deserve it!

  • bouncy 24w

    @morsel hehe! Remember? 19/06

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    I only write about my love for him,
    Not the heartbreak he caused.

  • bouncy 24w

    A lazy one ��
    Many more happy returns of the day @sarcasticbong
    Could you BE anymore O.L.D.E.R?
    Oh!.My!.God! It's your B.I.R.T.H.D.A.Y.

    Thanks for always being there��
    #paradoxbong 12:30pm 18/06/2021

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    He is the piece of rhymes
    Stitched together by metaphors
    And glued together by the
    Sweetness and hardness
    Of his coffee, early morning

    He has this tendency
    To fall apart suddenly
    But he is created by the verses
    Strong enough to gather
    All tattered pieces and
    Put them back together

    He is paradox
    He is happy but
    Write things that choke to death
    He's lazy yet ambitious
    He can't figure himself out but
    There's a storehouse of positivity
    Within him that shines bright
    Though there's depths of misery
    There's calmness, music inside

    He reminds me that
    There are still good human in world.

  • bouncy 25w

    11/06/2021 10:30pm

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    Unsent message to my mom on bed #4

    Ma, please don't die now. Listen.
    What you told me about dad isn't really true
    He isn't as good as you think
    He is a narcissist ma. He is an abuser.
    Being a self centered man,
    he never truly loved us ma. Immature he is.
    He uses us for his own good and blackmails us emotionally, pointing out our weaknesses.
    He always blames us for everything making us
    feel unworthy and unconfident.
    He body shames us ma. He calls us names
    and now we aren't doing fine mentally.
    We are depressed and anxiety attacks
    Every time he passes through us.
    We are indecisive and we live in a home of guilt.
    He sows seed of doubt in our head, gaslights us.
    He is not really the man who you think he is ma.
    But ma, don't worry. We'll get through it ourselves.
    We borrowed your blood, we got your genes,
    giving up is never your thing nor ours.
    As I promised you,
    I'll get a farm house soon which you asked me for.
    I can see us living struggle free life in future.
    So, please don't leave now ma.
    Stay for a while. Take a later flight.