cactuspenguin

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  • cactuspenguin 39w

    More heartbroken poetry! Yeah! Based off of a real life experience! Woot! #heartbreak #love #romance #crush

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    Sunday night drive

    We wanted to go on
    And just listen to the music of our voices
    As we had the road to ourself.

    I wanted to tell you
    How good you looked in that black coat,
    Almost like the night had dressed you itself.

    When we got back to my place,
    We sat in the parking lot,
    Basking in the streetlamp light.

    We sat there, gazing forward,
    For we knew our time together had to end.
    Our hearts ached, but it was right.

    You smiled at me sweetly
    and in a soft voice said "Go for it"
    when I said I didn't want to hurt you.

    Then I broke your heart,
    And you broke mine.
    I guess pain is better when it's a pair of two.

    Now I sit alone in my parking lot
    Gazing at your place a dozen meters away.
    I can't help but wonder if your heart aches.

    It seems like it does.
    You gaze at me same way I gaze at you.
    And every time you do, I feel my knees shake.

    I want to tell you that I love you
    And have a Sunday night drive every week.
    But we both know it'd be foolish to say we can

    ©Cactus Penguin

  • cactuspenguin 64w

    Word Prompt:

    Write a 3 word micro-tale on Obligation

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    Well...I guess...

  • cactuspenguin 64w

    I've been in a spiritual rut, struggling with questions about my Christian faith that are incredibly difficult to answer. But despite my doubts and struggles, God is still good. No matter what I think or what my circumstances are, it doesn't change God's nature. Though I can't always understand everything--which makes sense, as I'm just a 21-year old human--I will still trust God through it all.

    #God #faith #Christian #Jesus #religion #Christianity #struggles #spirituality #abrahamicreligion #newtestament #oldtestament

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    Holy, holy is God

    Oh, God!
    How I wish to understand you, for
    Getting wisdom seems impossible in this life.
    Only you can provide that
    Despite the darkness and blindness.

    Praise!
    Reach out and sing to Him who is holy!
    Always preach about Him only,
    In seasons of love and seasons of loss.
    See what He has done in our lives,
    Even with the animals and the rocks.

    Holy!
    Oh how holy you are, God.
    Let's all say this together!
    Yes, we shall praise your creation for eternity!

    Sing!
    In times of trouble and ease
    Never stop singing about Him,
    God, the Lord God almighty!

  • cactuspenguin 70w

    Was gonna do a haiku, but one haiku wasn't enough. So BEHOLD! A DOUBLE HAIKU! Is this socially acceptable?

    #haiku #doublehaiku #crush #heartbreak #romance #foreveralone

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    Double haiku about feelings

    I wish it was you
    Who would put a ring on me
    And kiss me senseless.

    But I suppose not,
    And I suppose that's okay.
    I'll still be sad, though.

    ©Cactus Penguin

  • cactuspenguin 73w

    We had a conversation that was mostly nice, up until the end when he told me some news about himself that didn't surprise me but still devastated me.

    Romantic love sucks. I don't get why I have to feel it. I wish I didn't. But at the same time, you don't realize how much you love someone until they're being ripped away from you, romantic or not. I suppose that's what I mean by the last line. I just have to live with the pain until it goes away, someday.

    #crush #heartbreak #romance #love #lovehurts #foreveralone #crying #Ilovehim

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    What it is to cry for you, my love

    It is to go out into the deepest darkest night,
    And scream into the wheel of my car
    With the greatest rage I can muster.

    It is to gaze in fright
    At the world around me, city lights, a church,
    Unaware of what's out there.

    It is to sob with all my might
    Sure that maybe you'll hear me
    From across the state.

    It is to listen to all the sad songs
    That remind me of you
    And wonder why I'm so stupid and naive.

    It is to scream out to God to right your wrongs
    As your words echo in my head,
    Over and over again.

    It is to listen to my sobs, the shorts and longs
    Until I have nothing left,
    Until I'm spent, tired, drained, exhausted.

    It is to wonder with all my soul
    If you're ever going to be okay,
    If you're ever going be safe.

    It is to let the tears softly roll
    And think of what we had
    That precious little time it was sweet.

    It is to feel that hole,
    The one in my heart, the one that hurts,
    The one I thought you'd fill.

    It is to be as close to death as I want to be.
    My love, how you've hurt me so.
    You didn't mean to, and I know this.

    I suppose it's me.
    I'm to blame.
    I'm the one who fell first.

    I'm the one who loved you too deeply,
    Loved you so much I couldn't let go of it,
    Loved you so much that it now kills.

    And as my tears crust on my face,
    And I sniffle into the blackness of night,
    I know that that love won't go away.

    It may change with time and space,
    With different seasons and weathers,
    With new people and new places.

    But you will always have that special place,
    A place that God has set aside just for you
    And no one else will ever occupy.

    So, my love, I may be crying,
    Crying harder than ever before.
    I dont think I'll stop for a while.

    But to cry for you
    Is to know that there is love out there.

    ©Cactus Penguin

  • cactuspenguin 81w

    Didn't format this how I'd normally format a poem, which is bugging me. I enjoy confining myself to a rhyme scheme or a specific structure, but I originally wrote this as a rant in my notes, so eh. I figured I'd put it on here while I was still in my emo feels.

    But yeah. Having hope and all these wondrous fantasies when you know things aren't gonna work out the way you want them to sucks, especially when he's so close to being what you need. The crazy thing is, I still have hope. I know it's silly, but it's reality.

    #letdown #wod #crush #heartbreak

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    End of winter break reflection on my romantic situation

    Well...

    All of winter break passed, and my fantasies where he's magically changed his views on the world and he's grown closer to the Lord didn't come true, so that we can try a relationship while I'm doing classes and he gets to meet my friends over here...

    Of course they didn't...

    The timer's run out...

    I suppose there's nothing more to look forward to or hope for, except for an ambiguous day that'll never come,

    when I get to hold him without the fear of getting too close,
    when we're free to kiss passionately like I've always wanted,
    when I get to lean against him while we're watching a movie,
    when I get to discuss theology without fear of arguing or breaking my heart,
    when I get to cross the ocean that is following God with him,
    when we pray for each other,
    when we read the Bible together,
    when we talk on the phone until 3am every week,
    when we visit each other and keep the spark going,
    when we get to love each other and actually try that weird mythical thing called a relationship...

    Maybe someday...

    Maybe someday...

    But not today...

    ©Cactus Penguin

  • cactuspenguin 81w

    Yep. Lovely times. #unfortunate #hardwork

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    The problem with success stories is that you hear a long, arduous journey condensed into a couple short, casual sentences.

    ©Cactus Penguin

  • cactuspenguin 87w

    The word "word" looks weird to me now. #writingcontest #creativearena

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    Looking at words

    All my life,
    I've looked at words
    As though they were words.
    Yes, that's it! They're words!

    They spell stuff,
    And these words,
    They have meaning, these words.
    I'm not sure what, but they're words.

    Letters exist too.
    Letters form words.
    At least I think they do form words.
    Maybe they don't form words.

    Oh, boy.
    Worlds have been created with words.
    Words have been destroyed with words.
    Lives have been created with words.

    Maybe I should leave it at that.
    Words are words.
    They exist. (Words.)
    And what you're reading right now is words.

    ©Cactus Penguin

  • cactuspenguin 87w

    Not sure what exactly prompted me to go this direction, but here ya go! #writingcontest #creativearena #tree #sarcastic #funny #dark #morbid

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    From the eyes of a tired and sarcastic tree

    Well.
    It's been 352 years.
    I'm tired.
    I just wanna die.
    Someone please cut me down.

    Ah, just swell.
    Here come those teenagers.
    They're gonna make out under me again, aren't they?
    Of course, just what I need.
    What losers.

    Ugh. Bleh.
    I hear them kissing.
    They're moaning too.
    Oh, they're stripping now.
    I'm gonna get 'em...

    Hehehe.
    I dropped a branch.
    One got a concussion.
    The other one's crying on the phone.
    I hear sirens.

    Vrrrmmmm!
    One of the dads has a chainsaw.
    They're finally gonna cut me down.
    Oh joy!
    Just what I wanted!

    But...Hmm...
    I'm staring to think.
    I'm starting to really think.
    It's a little late, as the chainsaw's getting closer.
    But I'm still thinking.

    Maybe that was a bad idea.
    Maybe I shouldn't terrorize horny teenagers.
    Maybe I actually want my life.
    Maybe I just need more excitement.
    Eh. Whatever!

    ©Cactus Penguin

  • cactuspenguin 91w

    (Oh, if only I could count the number of times I've felt this way. What a time.)

    You watch them smile and laugh. With each passing moment, you hope that someone will pipe up and address you in any shape or fashion. You know you can't do it yourself, because you can already envision the uncomfortable looks they'll give you if you try and force yourself into the conversation, cementing the hatred you know they already have for you.

    Besides, you've never been great at small talk, and small talk is what everybody says leads to friendship, alongside "being yourself", which makes no sense, as you don't know how you can be yourself with people you're supposed to make small-talk with.

    You repeat this thought process over and over again until it's familiar, and the clock ticks and ticks along with your racing heart. Your chest is hot with a dull ache that seems to take away your ability to breathe, making a lump rise to your throat. Tears spring to your eyes, and you have to hold them back, as there's still a million people around, and you know someone will see you losing it. You know they'll take pity on you and always look at you with pity. They'll whisper about you and see you as the lonely loser kid for the rest of your time here. Surely no one will want to talk to you.

    But you can't leave either. Because you want to talk. You want to make friends. You want to be loved. And if you leave, you may miss out on the once-in-a-lifetime chance of someone wanting to start a conversation, or the opportunity to crack a joke, or the incredibly rare yet oh, so priceless conversation where everything happens naturally and you don't have to worry about the other person hating you. You know it can happen. But you have to be in the room first.

    But you don't know how to talk to anyone, so you stay there, silent, festering, wasting away, lonely in a room full of people, listening to that ever-present chatter, hoping for company that never seems to come.

    #writingcontest #creativearena #socialanxiety #sad #anxiety #emo #ahyes

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    The loneliest moment...

    The loneliest moment in someone's life is being surrounded by people and not knowing how to talk to them.

    ©Cactus Penguin