I'm wearing a black hoodie, a red tshirt with indigo strips on it and red joggers to match an uncanny feat of silk cushions on the sofa. All this while I have written about what I feel but I am not sure if it's good to write about everything I go through, even though my revelations are only one aspect of a grand scheme of things, and the universe doesn't care about a single burning candle on the table. I'll melt and children would poke their pencils on my chest, one day, with the satisfaction of unearthing a dead wax candle and giving it the salvation it deserves. Whilst the last hours of 2021, I was amidst a crowd of fun loving people who looked everywhere with hope, as the twinkling lights shone on their pale faces, everyone looked happy as if they wanted to forget yesterday and live. I always cook different plans, there is perhaps peace, in another world, for people like me. I hardly smile and when I do I think about the circumstances that would follow, would it be one more year of voicing out pain, or entrapping the mind to believe illusion. I hope neither of it happens, I am looking forward to a good year because my expectations are low, and it's better if something surprises me.
if you see me happily sipping coffee in a cozy cafe, leave me alone.
not to be very forward but four years i've imagined us together, and meadow or not, a dirt floor would suffice as long as my fingertips are connected to yours.
you call yourself a sinner but you're the softest petal i've ever touched. you will know i'm no goddess once you see this guilt that resides in me. but for you, i'll be whatever you want me to be.
it may seem like a joke but when it comes to you, i have no desire, i have no self respect. you can do whatever you want to me and i'll still feel the same.
i'm 14 and 20 all at once, you make me feel like the loveliest creature on earth. go to sleep, my love, bury yourself in my arms and never wake up again. this is not a poem neither is this a love song. consider this a letter if you want, but not to be very forward, mi amor, i love you more.
there's a place, there's a place : we both have been going; if everything is exactly as it seems, can I be the footprints to your snow ? can I be the heels that you would put on, once you're ready to go ?
there's something that you should know : you're a surefire product of cosmic wizardry; and me, me, I'm spending every day, every hour, every minute, every second and whatever time it takes for the most delicate hand on the clock, to move from one number to the next one : just to be next to you, register every breath, every time you look towards me, or, pull away : I remember, everything, I want to remember, everything, only with you, everything, only about you.
everything, only about you, like : how you always wanted those freckles on your face, how you used to love the warmth, the warmth of the meadows on a bright, sunny day. you're much magnificent, once you lay down in your red overalls, the era of rest and relaxation washes you away; your fingertips are mine, as much as your heart is, and, is it a coincidence that all of my favourite dreams revolve around you ?
you love the sun, and I have never been able to touch Daedalus, let alone be his son : but, I would gladly be your winged creature, your Icarus. the sun sets slow, slower, with you — Evanie, my love, you take me back to my seventeenth, and, by the time we're back to our twentieth again : my words would wash acrost, the fane that your face is, my poetries would meet you, once the last digit flips to two.
I was ignoring this intentionally, knowing it was parked in my backyard. The thing about darkness is, it allows me not to disclose itself. It is and it is for no good or bad to be told.
I leave a leaf of my sheath tented. I let it skim through but never insist on staying any further. I wish it sleeps with me to shuffle everything within.
I love that it never points out anyone particular, which might pinch off my pins. It speaks to me something that shakes my stance but i barely can find a face to slap. Its all same in its shadows, unbiased, unrehearsed and liberal like love. It makes me possible, uncharted.
I keep a close and confidential commitment about a silly infinity within it. I have risked my life into a bet. I can never stop playing, dialing-on-a-deadline song. It takes me to a time, unregistered, under-stood, liberating like lust. It's the only go to shelf, i can spread on uncovered.