daphnae

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Perhaps in the end, it is only us to be blamed.

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  • daphnae 1w

    Hehe

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    Love is not magic but the random lines you said to me in a conversation which grips my mind on random sundays while watching myself smile to the mirror or the sky. Caressing the eclipsed corner of the moon, I pluck words you gifted me: to make it know how it feels to be incomplete and admired, flawed and loved, scarred and appreciated. I gasp at how you take me to the highest of clouds. This is how I know that after you leave nothing ever will be enough. One day, when they would offer me the whole world, even then i would look at the stars i lost you among and smile. A smile screaming at their faces how you are always enough, beside me or not. Love is not magic but the way your eyes escape my grip, then curving up the corners of your lips into a smile I would die over and over again to watch. How everytime I replay that moment, I feel myriads of stars which I outgrew inside my ribcage sing in collision.

    The way you've listened to me: like no one else ever did, made me want to be myself after ages of trying to fit into this unworthy world and standards. The times when we can't be with each other,. I don't complain about them. 'Cause you make me feel like I've had more than enough while I still yearn for you at the same time. But every moment with you feels like an overwhelming lifetime. You make me go around the world in minutes, discover myself like I've always wanted to. You wait for me, and this whole time I just know that I have found the real person. Like other lovers, I won't complain you coming late into my life because we both know how perfect was the time when I first fell into your arms.

    The things you say, the way you say it- you make forever seem so simple and true. And it always seems as if I'm someone you know like the back of your hand. The songs that you just send to me out of the blue, the love songs or the songs which describes 'her' like the most beautiful, delicate thing in this world. Apart from your arms, i dwell in those- with all of my heart warm and full. And at that moment, I crave all alone to get this delicate just so I could match the lyrics but also because I know you'll hold me with little more love and never let me break. And this is how, I love you a little more with every piece of my heart you put back into shape.
    ©daphnae

  • daphnae 1w

    Hii people <3

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    Reading lives of people who marked their place in history is so intriguing. But more to that, I would give my time studying about people who were kind, generous and just themselves. The people with a sense of simplicity which no one bothered to read, or understand. The people who stood in the dark while wars and kings and scientists were praised. The ones who believed in humanity after surviving every apocalypse here. Not because I don't find the poets, lords and rebels fascinating enough but because I find these people more beautiful, more humane, more connected to life and perhaps me.
    ©daphnae

  • daphnae 15w

    "30 April, 2019

    The creaks of the door I just flung open amplified in beats until the migraine took over the nerves of my brain. I aimlessly groped for the light switches
    and there you go - unfiltered specks colliding my eyes with severe headstrain. This is how I knew the intoxication drifting away, And I knew what's next - GUILT. I look over the floor strapped with used and unused syringes, the broken vases and each step into my own house felt like a hell in my alternate universe: my unmade bed, torn curtains accelerating every spin in my head. I lay in my bed, as it is, tracing my moments here with my family. Reliving my happy moments with them only makes me bigger of a monster after everything I've put them through. The stains of blood near me are old, contrary to the pang in my guilt-loaden heart. I wish there were words I could speak to voice the shame I brought into myself by throwing away the only people who taught me how to love. But nothing, nothing in this world or beyond would ever suffice for what loophole I've trapped myself into, dragging them along:

    'Aaruhi,' I called, 'I'm hungry.' Through the curtains of the kitchen I could watch her frowning over the phone call. I was buzzed and so she knew it. I scream her name, she doesn't even look back. The blood in my nerves bursting, I watched her hazy face- her lips mouthed my name as if it was sinned. The rest of what happened is clouded at the back of my mind. The only thing I remember was the blood on my shirt and her head flooded with the same. My daughter screaming "mom" resonates my ears with tremendous pain now. I remember picking both of them up, the horror in their eyes. And I remember everyone's eyes following me as I run on my way to Vinesh for a second dose and rest of what I don't remember anything of."


    It has been years since my first
    addiction campaign and my journey
    through the nightmares of cravings,
    guilt, pain and loss.
    What I held onto, when I screamed
    and whimpered along my way out of it,
    was my family- my wife and my daughter
    who I wake up to every morning now
    and utter one single word "sorry".
    I am proud of myself for pulling it through
    my phases of pain and distess,
    for being able to brim smiles over their faces.
    And all along I pray for the addicted souls
    for their peace in moulding their way out
    of this vortex that rips us of every shred
    of love or humanity we are capable of.
    ©daphnae

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    EXCERPTS FROM THE DIARY OF A DRUG-ADDICT

  • daphnae 15w

    I want to live death
    just like I lived
    my days of eternity-
    lying below the stars.
    I want to hear my last breath
    being dragged away
    by the conspiracies or theories
    of the universe, gasping for life.
    I want to live death just so I could
    create a poem out of it.
    I want my death to be poetic,
    if not painful.
    Along the metaphors,
    as it plays around while waiting
    for the clock to bring the right tick
    and the syllables align,
    creating clashes among the rhymes.
    And a sunflower brewing up
    in the brightest of yellow
    from the remains of my deceasing body.
    When my soul reaches salvation
    leaving behind my ruins of skin and bone,
    I want it to hold my heart
    desiccating beyond the shallow rib cage
    taking long enough to give up
    the last, faint string of my existence into dust.
    The theories I've been honing mind with-
    theories of science and religion,
    I want to see them failing and breaking
    along with the atoms of my body,
    I want to fade away to an alternate universe
    while I await for my unfulfilled destinies
    to hang upon me.

    Isn't this why we die?
    - To bridge gaps, to recite the poems we never could while living, to be whoever with whatever we want to.
    ©daphnae

    Heyyy everyone. Hope you make it out of everything you can't speak up about. Sending love and strength. Plus, you are worth everything❤
    Thank you for your precious reads everyone. I love youuu too. @miraquill I miss Mirakee but nonetheless, grateful (5) ��

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    Isn't this why we die?
    - To bridge gaps, to recite the poems we never could while living, to be whoever with whatever we want to.
    ©daphnae

  • daphnae 17w

    I can't do anything but contrast the days then, how self loathe was the only thing I could reach in order to feel the skin over my bones getting moist, and now when a genuine laughter is not enough to reflect the peace binding the overwhelming bliss in my heart. I watch myself preparing through every possible collapse from ending my life those days and I flinch today, with so much pain and fear, that what if a single thing would've gone differently. The knives I've been honing at the backyard, those are buried deep beyond my reach tonight and I know for a certain reason that I wouldn't ever try to unfold the layers of my struggles and his. Struggles to keep me happy, in peace, and loved.

    I know what it's like to lose everything and still have a spark of hope in the heart for a miracle. I also remember how I threatened myself into not believing in miracles of universe. But the skies unleashed the last prayer I would make everyday, in front of me: him. He is just an ordinary boy you'll find, obsessing over football and curling with good sense of humour until you learn his heart, full of things I never expected to feel home to. A heart I could connect to in a beat, but only realize after, months after. Less of a heart, more of my prayers and dreams. Brown eyes, I've met only once, but enough to make my days ahead, the days I know will be abandoned of his presence. How time and secrets laced our way to each other, how my heart finally reached him to kiss and breathe euphoria into. He has been someone I've looked upto on days when I never felt like opening my eyes. And every moment he has been with me, we have binded another eternity of love. He made me hear smiles over phone calls, made me fall for songs which I thought left my side ages ago, made me fall for myself amidst every bad decision I end up making. He showed me every inch of my heart, of myself I forgot or never knew existed. The places I shut myself up in, he held my hand to face them and take them in without fear and I couldn't believe when I finally could go to the terrible corridors of my life without feeling pain. He made me alive all over again with nothing but his presence over the phone. He made me feel the strength I always carried alongside, kissed my soul with every appreciation I starved for. And the day I voiced my love for him, I failed to show or talk about how much I did. But with each passing day, as my heart grows love for him a bit more, I know I would make everyday count into him and into us. I knew that one day, when I grow to be the woman he truly deserves, would be the day I will say to him "Hold my heart forever as you will, have my soul intertwined upon you, and I promise you the day I would be scraped out from the mortal world would be the day I will be yours forever, if not now, if you wish."
    ©daphnae

    Is something evident? ;-;

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    Only once in a lifetime or less, the universe makes you collide with the most of beautiful of miracles that existed within and if anyone asks me about it, I know now, every atom of my body would point to you.

  • daphnae 19w

    Sit with me under the full moon,
    And I shall lace my fingers
    within the gaps among yours,
    Let you taste the miracles
    conspired in the moonlight.
    I shall narrate you the fables
    being told over the light years
    which ran across millions of stars
    clashing, engulfing, co-existing
    among each other.
    I shall name you my favourite stars
    and their story,
    the ones movies left abandoned.
    I found them rotting to the core
    at a parched corner of the sky,
    no one really notices.
    They survived darkness,
    by being a part of it,
    "the only way," they chanted.
    I embraced them into my
    weary, little notebooks
    and dipped them up to the bottom
    of my metaphors reeking nothing but
    the platonic love between pairs among them.

    Sit with me under the full moon,
    And I shall encase your shoulder
    with my head, while you sniff
    my perfume along with the night crickets.
    I shall fill you in with non-fictions
    about how my father was betrayed
    through the impeccable bonds
    he made in his life,
    how his swords rusted
    in the absence of the love
    he secretly wished to be known to.
    I shall point you the stars
    my mother lied awake to,
    when tears no more sufficed to
    bring back together the pieces of her heart.
    Of how broken souls find their way
    to each other's, as if eternally bound upto.
    Of how my ears starve of stories
    like these, of abandonment and sufferings
    mostly 'cause I know how every home
    hides a resembling story beneath.
    So sit with me under the moonlight
    and let me love you.
    'Cause this is my love language,
    unveiling stories upon the surface
    which couldn't reach
    the rest of the people I have known.
    ©daphnae

    (I am so sorry for being inactive. I love you guys)

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  • daphnae 21w

    Taking glances at the pink sky, I plug in my earbuds and tune in to my playlist on 'shuffle mood'. The young zephyrs try playing with my bun and fail, as I smile at their endless efforts to jog it away. Buzzing on both sides of my head was a tune too familiar to my heart for it to skip a beat. A song I was intricately tangled with, every word and space that kept me intact over the edge. Solely, slowly I breathed out memories carved in the back of my mind for not too long. I spotted haziness elevating across the horizon and feeling fragile enough to move to another lunatic place, I simply change the song.

    And for the next few moments I got lost in the notes, among the rhythmic pauses the singer took in between the lyrics. The lyrics were simply the ones I once tried to boldly associate myself with. I smile at my ugly mistakes taking the shape of a huge mess around me. I think, think about how my life changed between the planned and unplanned moments of my life, of how one unplanned decision zeroed out every careful step I measured. Of how the dusk you wanted, soon escapes to dawn just by holding a hand. Of how my hand was numb against all the warmth subsiding it, and how I lost hope for another light holding it.

    I watch the space at my rooftop shrinking as my mother crowds it with new houseplants every week. I watch her every evening, go up to water them. I think about her obsession with the flowers which grow and bloom for weeks and wither after. It took me time to realize, to know about the peace it gave her as she had them grown over time. They remind me of my obsession with a void I don't want to grow. An irony breaking through the dark corners I once glittered with. I fill them in along my shoreline, weaving the maze I am probing into.
    ©daphnae

    (Old one. Just wanted to share. Will be reading you guys slowly.)

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  • daphnae 21w

    The bed tonight talks of how I danced to the song I rediscovered this morning, how it beheld my long-gone smiles sprouting a new love. I giggle to my pillow, blushing all through the night while watching the moon by my window. Rare are the nights, when the moon would perfectly align itself with my eyes through the panes and leaves I gently ignore. I listen to myself, tracing over my lazy, rough mornings finding their way to become warmer and happy. How nights are calmer these days, and the darkness no more speaks of only solitude. My showers are still long but this time, for my songs and daydreams. I watch myself, tracing over my fears and how they are diminishing each time I smile. I hear myself laugh, loud and real, after a time that felt like forever. And these are the moments when I know, serendipity happened, amongst the most unfortunate and darkest turn of my life.

    Self-loathe for me was a bottle, I puked into whenever I was afraid of calling myself up. When my own self needed love and reassurance. I have starved for love in my own hands, naked to my fears and half-torn dreams. I have walked barefoot over my crushed heart, screaming till I choke on the void of words which never existed, but I wanted them to. I have clutched onto darkness just because I had nothing else to cling on, because I thought there always had to be something we must be obsessed with but unfair if it's us ourselves. Nothing ever made sense and soon everything seemed dull, me being the eclipse over them. Poetries yawned curses and I curled up exhaling dead breaths to them, pretending to be unknown to the demons under my bed, or say, my metaphors. I was done searching for kindness, or love, or any kind of thing that would make me happy.

    I felt like the tides drifting away, who could never meet the shore again. Few feets soon turned to miles and I waited, blank and bare, to everything near. Butterflies couldn't reach me anymore, I was that far. I kept barging through my anxious, skinny skies. And there was light, before I could notice them. I spent nights peeping at them, the one who kept me sane and human amidst all the chaos I splattered around. I smiled gently, out of kindness and hope that they would smile back, aware of the fact that they too have seen scars on their skin healing. With each smile I share, with each tear I shed while holding their presence; they felt closer and warmer. Fireflies nudged me with joy and I could feel it without even trying. Sharp pangs of fear rang my mind, but how could you ever stop being with someone who made your heart believe that it can heal, that it can be the beautiful in every way it wanted to be, that it had its own magic. I revealed my star to him, the one I protected from the entire universe, 'cause I know he was the soul owner of it. 'Cause I know, it would never shine brighter without him anymore. And for the first time ever, I could watch my sky being admired and adored and appreciated, in a way I never thought anyone ever could.  And that's when I knew, he was the serendipity to my life, that he would always be the one I would want to paint my sky with.

    (I missed you all so much. I love you.)��❤

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  • daphnae 34w

    //And I suffered silently seeking solitude,
    While surrendering sagas soaked with scars//

    Last post, for a while.
    #wod @writersnetwork #alliteration

    @piyuldwivedi @raika @poeticgirl I love you. ❤

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    I am burning and so is my heart. The sky I escaped from few months back, is closing in through my window and all I do is watch. As I feel intimate with every inch it's crossing the universe for me. Grieving and singing songs of mercy, one that I couldn't have on myself. I die and I live again, it's a bard process. But I flaunt because I did it without anyone noticing. Silently over the edge of the papers I sigh to, every midnight. I screamed in myriads of whisper, like I blow my hot coffee. Coffee reminds me of the times my tongue used to burn as I hurrily sip it away. Numbness falls all over my tastebuds. I wonder what led to the numbness my heart pulled inside me. And it takes me to the shore where I stand, tracing the waves egressing to their homeland. I fail and choose another. I fail and give up in the end. The tiny tickles my feet felt while being kissed by the tides slowly melt away. Each hour passing by me leaves a note in my pocket each spelling the same "go home", which I ignore and slide back in my pockets.

    My feet now are numb and rippled with the exposure of water on my skin. But what's more rippled is my mind trying to balance on top of your memories, academics, morals and life.Your memories are the closest and the most steep which pierces through me, I slip everytime I look back, everytime I utter 'peace'. Life which took me away now returns to me in forms of poem I never wrote but had in my mind throughout, perfectly sequenced. I whined and bribed my memories to go away and never face me. I breathed in peace when they agreed. But never for once, had the thought that they would stick around my back, facing me but everything I do.

    I crawl across the glass of my ceiling, swallow the demons below my bed, run like a half-dead prey. And out of everything you could be filled with, the one which stood out was ignorance and the firmness of your mind to make me feel guilty over the spaces you suffered (openly).
    ©daphnae

  • daphnae 34w

    I really don't know what it means.

    From A to Z leaving X... I couldn't... I am sorry. I love poetic devices. #alliteration #wod @writersnetwork

    Thank you for all the love you guys showered. Going on a little break tonight. Take care peeps. I'll miss you.

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    Attacking the attic along my ally
    Beaming the light I barely bore.
    Crushing candies which clutched my childhood
    Daunting doves, driving drunk
    Espy the eclipsed enemy
    Forging flauntless flowers from the forest
    Grovelling genres which graved the grace
    Had them hidden, holding high and far.
    Irking ink in intoxicant I itched
    Jazz playing through the jealous January
    Kids kissing kites of kinds
    Lasting through the lovable lie
    Mourns meandering with morning muse
    Nothing but the nerving neighs.
    Over oceans, over orotunds
    Promising pristine plates of people
    Quoting questions quick and quiet
    Rivers roaring rough rumours
    Stealing stains from the stars
    They tremble towards the trust
    Until utopia ushers runs out.
    Voicing vows varying volumes
    Whining, withering, wintery words
    Yearning years you yawned
    Zephyrs of zilch zooming zero off.
    ©daphnae