As a coping mechanism, I find myself disconnected from my feelings. This is how I try to reconnect.

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  • dreambeliever 6w

    A Feeling

    Here in the dark,
    These endless nights
    When the rain pelts my window
    And the wind chills my soul
    Sleep eludes my tormented mind
    And my heart yearns for you.
    Somewhere in between this heaven and hell
    I wish for a feeling,
    One I've not felt in so long
    Anything to fill this cold void
    A whisper in the silence
    A light in the darkness
    Something to make me feel human again.


  • dreambeliever 13w


    Because I write, I love what words can convey.

    They can create a bond of friendship, strong and true.

    They can convey feelings of love, warm a heart, awaken an empty soul and make a spirit soar.

    Words can also tell a tale of romance. Bring two people closer together, create joy and happiness, even create a smile.

    All this is created by simple words.

    I've always been swayed, seduced by words. Words have always been the way to my heart. They fill those empty, lonely spaces that reach into the dark when the mind cannot sleep and the tears will not stop.

    An empty page is like an empty heart. A forgotten garden, lost and overgrown a place no one visits.

    Strange the kind of thoughts that fill a mind when it cannot sleep and feels lonely.

    Sleep well and enjoy your week...


  • dreambeliever 24w

    I Wish

    Sometimes I wish I could be the sun, so I could shine warm and bright and make everybody happy.

    For you, I wish I could be the moon and stars, to light your way in the darkness and bring beauty to your night.

    I wish that I could make you smile, and make your day feel lighter and brighter.

    I wish my words could wrap you up and hold you, and let you know that everything is okay.

    I wish I could let you know all that and more.

    You're in my thoughts,
    You make me smile,
    You warm my heart.


  • dreambeliever 25w

    Fate or Fortune

    A quiet Sunday afternoon,
    The fair was back in town.
    As I strolled through all the multitude,
    In sound, I thought I’d drown.
    The air grew still as I walked alone,
    A prickling down my spine.
    I turned and saw the small blue tent,
    What fortune would be mine?
    Drawn along by mysterious force,
    I stepped inside the cool dark place,
    “Come in, sit down, your fortune told”,
    I glanced up to a delicate face.
    An orb of jade hung round her neck,
    A ball of crystal  by her hands,
    On velvet cover black as night,
    Red hair framed her face in strands.
    “For you my dear, the future’s clear,
    A woman comes for you alone.
    Your one true love in all the world,
    With this one you will make a home”.
    I smiled and nodded at the show,
    Believed her I did not.
    And then she screamed a piercing cry,
    She saw, I knew not what.
    As she fell unto the ground,
    I caught and laid her down.
    Then ran outside to find some help,
    On my face, a serious frown.
    In my frantic search I failed to see,
    The beauty in my path.
    And as I helped her to her feet,
    She gave a nervous laugh.
    “I need some help in the tent back there,
    The fortune teller’s ill”.
    “What fortune teller?” was her reply,
    At once the air grew still.
    I looked back to where the tent had stood,
    The breath caught in my chest,
    An empty space was in its place,
    Had I merely been possessed?
    The sun broke through the darkened sky,
    As something caught my eye.
    The orb of jade I'd seen before,
    Round the neck of this passer by.
    A gentle cough disturbed my thought,
    I turned toward the sound.
    Sunlight framed the delicate face,
    Of the one knocked to the ground.
    Flame red hair adorned her head,
    And I looked into her eyes,
    My spine tingled as she said,
    “I’m Jade, I live nearby”....

  • dreambeliever 25w


    Thoughts linger in the void
    An empty heart confused
    Afraid of being alone unloved
    Yet more afraid of being used.

    Unsure of what to do or say
    Pretending with a perfect smile
    Life moves forward day by day
    Abandoned heart lives in denial

    A broken heart can be abused
    Turn a jaded soul to stone
    When no more tears are left to fall
    The spirit wanders lost, alone.


  • dreambeliever 36w


    How do you let go when your heart cries out in the night for that familiar warmth?
    When the need to be held surges inside destroying every other feeling in its path.
    All you feel in its wake, is alone. 
    A broken heart may mend, but when you feel that you have no heart left to break, it is the soul that pays the price of love.
    Why... Why do I let this happen to me?
    It is because I loved him.
    Because I still cling to some hope that I, in some small way, can keep him in my life.
    Something that death can't take away. 
    A single shred of kindness, of the familiar, is better than the harshness of an empty heart...isn’t it?
    Why is it so hard to live alone? 
    Why must we strive for anothers company, the need to share our time, our existence with another person to feel fulfilled? 
    We feel warmed by the company of others. Emotionally, spiritually and physically.
    Maybe there is some exchange of physical energy that promotes this sense of wellbeing. 
    Maybe it is something not felt by all, but by a significant few, who experience these feelings to an extreme, outside the norm. 
    We can survive alone, but is surviving enough?


  • dreambeliever 38w

    I Used to Know

    I used to know just who I was,
    I used to know just where I stood.
    I used to know just how I felt,
    I used to know just what felt good.

    I used to be half of a whole.
    Half a shared heart,
    Half a shared soul.

    I used to know just what to do.
    I know nothing now, since I lost you.

    While waiting for the hurt to fade,
    I feel the emptiness inside,
    Then flows a waterfall of tears,
    I wish sometimes I too had died.

    To live life all alone is hard,
    When two were so combined as one.
    But life gets better day by day,
    So, I guess, I will go on.


  • dreambeliever 39w

    If I could be anywhere.

    For my whole Family...

    If I could be anywhere right now, I would be...
    In Heaven, eternally by your side....


  • dreambeliever 44w

    No Books

    A world without books..
    Is the loneliest world of all.
    No joy, just sadness,
    No friends, just emptiness,
    No imagination, no thought,
    No heart, no soul,
    Just HELL...


  • dreambeliever 53w

    This was written by a friend of a friend... I couldn't have put it better than this...����

    #writersnetwork #mirakee #loss #widowhood #heartbreak #sadness #personal

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    By: Alisha Bozarth

    Widowhood is being a stranger in your own life
    Widowhood is more than missing your spouse’s presence, it is adjusting to an alternate life. It is growing around a permanent amputation.

    Widowhood is going to bed for the thousandth time, and still, the loneliness doesn’t feel normal. The empty bed a constant reminder.
    The night no longer brings intimacy and comfort, but the loudness of silence and the void of connection.

    Widowhood is walking around the same house you have lived in for years and it no longer feeling like home. Because “home” incorporated a person. And they’re not there.
    Homesickness fills your heart and the knowledge that it will never return haunts you.

    Widowhood is seeing all your dreams and plans you shared as a couple crumble around you. The painful process of searching for new dreams that include only you amount to climbing Mount Everest.
    And every small victory of creating new dreams for yourself includes a new shade of grief that their death propelled you to this path.

    Widowhood is second guessing everything you thought you knew about yourself. Your life had molded together with another
    and without them you have to relearn all your likes, hobbies, fears, goals.
    The renaissance of a new person makes you proud and heartbroken simultaneously.

    Widowhood is being a stranger in your own life.
    The unnerving feeling of watching yourself from outside your body, going through the motions of what was your life, but being detached from all of it.
    You don’t recognize yourself. Your previous life feels but a vapor long gone, like a mist of a dream you begin to wonder if it happened at all.

    Widowhood is the irony of knowing if that one person was here to be your support, you would have the strength to grieve that one person.
    The thought twists and confuses you. If only they were here to hold you and talk to you, you’d have the tenacity to tackle this unwanted life. To tackle the arduous task of moving on without them.

    Widowhood is missing the one person who could truly understand what is in your heart to share. The funny joke, the embarrassing incident, the fear compelling you or the frustration tempting you.
    To anyone else, you would have to explain, and that is too much effort, so you keep it to yourself. And the loneliness grows inside you.

    Widowhood is struggling with identity. Who are you if not their spouse?
    What do you want to do if not the things you planned together?
    What brand do you want to buy if not the one you two shared for all those years?
    What is your purpose if the job of investing into your marriage is taken away?
    Who is my closest companion when my other half isn’t here?

    Widowhood is feeling restless because you lost your home, identity, partner, lover, friend, playmate, travel companion, co-parent, security, and life.
    And you are drifting with an unknown destination.

    Widowhood is living in a constant state of missing the most intimate relationship. No hand to hold. No body next to you. No partner to share your burden.

    Widowhood is being alone in a crowd of people.
    Feeling sad even while you’re happy.
    Feeling guilty while you live.
    It is looking back while moving forward.
    It is being hungry but nothing sounding good.
    It is every special event turning bittersweet.
    Yes. It is much more than simply missing their presence.
    It is becoming a new person, whether you want to or not.
    It is fighting every emotion mankind can feel at the very same moment and trying to function in life at the same time.

    Widowhood is frailty.
    Widowhood is strength.
    Widowhood is darkness. Widowhood is rebirth.
    Widowhood…..is life changing."

    By: Alisha Bozarth