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  • e11eventhwolf 17w

    It's those little things you do for me consistently that I'm realizing aren't little at all.
    The way you say my name slowly, kind of like a song.
    The way you look at me when you think I don't notice.
    The way even when I'm exhausted and feeling far from lovely, you call me pretty or tell me I'm so beautiful.
    I know I have a kind heart but my own skeletons sometimes pull me away from what's good for me but you stayed steadfast and held ground for both 0f us. The way that when my tides crashed and my body and soul was tossed against the rocks, you still loved me and tended to new wounds that you wished you could have protected me from.
    It blows my mind how much you love me.
    All those little things were never really little.
    They were the universe whispering "here darling, here, this is the love that you can call home." I just couldn't see then. I came from such a broken home that your love both shocked and terrified me.
    It was slow and steady and I was used to quick fixes and darkness.
    I could have laid all of my pain at your feet but the thought of it scaring you away was unbearable.
    But keeping it inside poisoned my mind and my body.
    I was frail and injured and the sharks kept circling.
    I couldn't tell you.
    How could I tell you?
    Little did I know the little things weren't little at all.
    I could tell you how I'd spent my whole life trying to kill my soul and even when I didn't want to anymore I couldn't help it.
    Then maybe I wouldn't have ran so far.
    Maybe the poison wouldn't have taken such a deep hold.
    I could barely breathe.
    You would have gave me your breath,
    but I felt in too deep.
    Little did I know my depths didn't scare you.
    The sharks and the skeletons took me. I just couldn't stand still anymore.
    I've surfaced.
    But I must tell you I'm not the same woman that left you alone to mourn for me in the sea of sharks.
    I've seen the depths of my own trenches and I only have skeleton bones and shark teeth and new scars to prove to you the depths I now know. I found myself down there. I had to lose everything to realize what love isn't. I had to push everything and everyone away to realize yours were the only arms I ever wanted to crawl into.
    So here I sit with the sun on my face and your profound love swirling in a cosmic dance inside of me. Here I sit on the edge of our new life and your so many miles away.
    Don't lose hope my love.
    Let me hold steady and steadfast for both of us.
    If you crash against the rocks just remember my arms and home are waiting for you.
    You don't have to do this alone.
    Finally my love, finally I now realize I never had to do it alone either and I never will question that or your love for me again.
    I love you.

    Katrina MacIsaac
    ©e11eventhwolf

  • e11eventhwolf 18w

    I moved to the ocean while hoping to reignite.
    It had been a long fight through shadows and thieves.
    I arrived at the ocean with burdens so heavy I could hardly carry them to her.
    But now her caress slowly wears them down and smooths them out.
    It doesn't happen in an instant.
    It's slow and over time. I keep going back to the ocean and each time I'm a little more healed. The salt air soothes my soul and fills my mind with wishes that don't seem so big when I'm there.
    If whatever created the ocean created me, maybe there's more possible in life than everyone's been telling me.

    ©e11eventhwolf

  • e11eventhwolf 18w

    It's sacred and personal this expansion. I've been cut at the knees everytime I've tried to crawl out of the hell I'd been told I created.
    Go this way not that way, you can't trust your own thinking. Your best thinking got you here.
    No.
    No it didn't.
    Other people's thoughts and insecurities and sick intentions got me here but that doesn't mean I don't have accountability
    Just like people have brought darkness into my life they have also brought light.
    It was up to me once I could finally make the choices for myself who and what had a place in my life and who didn't.
    Imagine being fed only that which will destroy you by the people who claimed to love and protect you.
    Wouldn't you question after that,
    what is poison and what is nourishment no matter how appetizing the promise?
    I am digesting,
    Not starving.
    Just because I dont lap up that which you provide me doesn't mean I don't cherish your presence.
    Just because I can't ease your heart doesn't mean I don't have the best for you in mine.
    When a leg is broken you're not pressured to run laps.
    My faith has been shaken, not destroyed but I shouldn't be expected to take leaps of faith for your account when I'm healing the faith in me.
    ©e11eventhwolf

  • e11eventhwolf 18w

    You told me you loved me while you held a blade against my throat.
    You smiled and told me everything would be okay while you tried to stifle every effort I made to be healthy and happy.
    I know your type well. A spineless creature who preys on the powerful who have yet to embrace their light.
    ©e11eventhwolf

  • e11eventhwolf 18w

    You can cleanse your soul
    Through crying,
    Through screaming,
    Through writing,
    Through creating,
    Through enduring and sitting with the pain of birthing new versions of yourself.
    You can cleanse your soul

    ©e11eventhwolf

  • e11eventhwolf 18w

    All I ask is that you never shame me for feeling life the way I do. I know to most it doesn't make sense but for me it's the only way.
    ©e11eventhwolf

  • e11eventhwolf 18w

    I've found my voice.
    It doesn't shake the way it used to.
    It's clear and strong and the most powerful war cry that's ever been heard.
    My war is not violent.
    Although blood and tears and tender yet undeveloped parts of me are slayed and reinvented.
    The carnage is beautiful and life giving as well as destructive.
    My battle now is inner peace and elevation.
    I don't have the time or energy it takes anymore to stifle this voice so that you're comfortable.
    I've found my voice.
    I'll never surrender to the lies of others again.
    ©e11eventhwolf

  • e11eventhwolf 18w

    The greatest gifts we can give our daughters is our own dedication to self awareness.
    Without that we are the blind leading the blind.
    Until then we are leading our girls into the same heartaches that have haunted us.
    ©e11eventhwolf