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  • eusmaph 23w


    In the morning
    Out the windows
    The eyes searched for a visible soul
    But the heavy fog hid everything
    The branches that knocked the windows
    Were not there anymore
    Hands reached out
    To feel the prickly branches
    In the cold foggy winter
    And blind hands
    Spilled blood on the hard ground
    By being pricked by the branches

    How blind
    Did the fog make me
    How did my mind fool me
    Into thinking I knew where it would be
    Like the back of my hand

    Oh! What a joke this has been
    Because right outside the window
    Was where I was betrayed
    By my thoughts of assumed familiarity

    Again, what a joke am I...
    To be fooled by my mind
    That's clouded in trust and faith
    On others

    What a joke I have become
    To be betrayed by my mind
    Into trusting those who are no good
    When the pain is very obvious
    And my screams so loud
    That my mind hurts
    Does the fog of trust and faith
    Fly away

    What use is the sun
    To shine on my pain
    When its obvious
    That my trust had been broken
    And the thread of faith
    Between all of us
    Has snapped

    What use is the sun's warmth
    That did not shine
    On the fog
    Clouding my mind

    Oh! What a joke I am
    To drive in this thick fog
    Despite the multiple warnings of accidents
    The thick fog of trust
    That is the reason for the scars
    That decorate my arms and legs
    No, they are not battle scars
    They are scars to hide the pain
    Of the accident
    In the thick fog
    They are there to hide
    The irrational pain
    Of betrayal and of snapped threads

    Oh! What a joke I have become
    To be blinded by the fog of trust


  • eusmaph 24w

    Melody of the Siren

    Against the wall
    Face upwards
    A sigh of sadness escapes
    As the melody of the siren
    Greets yet again

    The story starts about a war
    War on both sides
    And an ache so familiar
    That wants to give up

    Stuck in a desert
    One with a rainbow arch
    And ever so welcoming
    The other not so hospitable
    And ever so abandoned

    The war with the abandoned
    Is not winning and
    As the days pass
    The war with the rainbow arch
    Doesn't seem any better

    No matter which desert or war
    I am on the losing side
    My will slowly liberating itself
    From living and onto death
    What welcoming hands
    And all the ease that just seems so bliss

    "Forget the war that the mind wages
    On the two deserts — one of rainbows
    And other so dry"
    Said a voice
    It commands me into its welcoming arms
    And yet a small voice
    At the very back
    So feeble and soft
    Almost unheard
    Asks me to wait and try again

    And so passes another day
    Into a week
    Into a month
    Soon months have crossed
    And the voice still calls
    Like a siren
    I want to jump into it's welcoming arms
    And sleep
    For a very long time
    But I don't

    I start again
    And again
    Before asking myself
    How long till I give
    Into the melody of the sweet siren
    My only fear being
    That one day
    It would be far too gone
    The war long forgotten
    And me in the arms of the sweet siren
    Sleeping finally in peace

    I had given up...
    Into the melody of the siren

  • eusmaph 26w

    My Father And I

    Is it wrong for me to want
    To protect my innocence?
    My child-like beliefs?
    The magic that shine in my eyes...
    And you having lost them
    Is it wrong that I want
    To continue holding on to my beliefs?

    Why is believing in this little fantasy
    Such a joke for others?
    Does me believing mean I have not grown?
    Or does it make you covetous
    That I haven't lost my inner child

    True! I am stuck in one of those many Transparent glass baubles
    That hang on your Christmas tree
    Yes, I am protected from
    the cold harsh wind outside
    I am not pierced by biting cold
    Yet to make this glass bauble
    Even I had to bear some heat
    And some pokes

    You talk of the cold season outside
    The harsh cold freezing
    winds of the tropical
    And I talk of the heat on
    the deserts of the same latitude

    Why is it then that your
    words aim to beat the
    innocence out of me
    Why can't I hold on to my
    little fantasy of shooting stars, christmas magic
    And winter wonder!!!

    My mind travels depths
    that I can't comprehend
    Because your words
    hurt me as such
    But I still wonder
    Is it just the way you care?
    Maybe this is not your jealousy
    Maybe it is you showing your love
    Under the hidden layers of being a grinch

    Maybe you poke at my glass bauble
    And break my little fantasy
    So that when others break my bauble
    I am not so deeply hurt
    So that it won't be tough to get up again
    So that I rise like the rising sun
    And the immortal phoenix

    And you always can continue standing
    In the corner
    With the softest smile
    Eyes so proud
    Because I am receiving the award of a lifetime!

    Is this what it is, appa?


  • eusmaph 28w

    Wide - Awake

    The midnight blue sky
    And thousands of jewels shining
    Yet my heart earns for someone
    With whom my midnight conversations will be

    Eyes wide awake
    Soft lullaby lulling the tired eyes
    The dark circle even more prominent
    But the brain doesn't heed to the tired voice
    The atmosphere being so caliginous

    The restless nights make me shiver
    Like the fear in a deserted road
    Far and deep
    The darkness of the mind mocks
    How tenebrous life is
    How lonely broken promises are
    And so many in life greet the loneliest
    Only to be lead astray

    Dark dark thoughts
    Lead the nights
    And finally the eye shuts
    Blocking everything – wanted and unwanted

    And the eyes open infinite times
    In a deep despair to remember
    The incubus haunting
    But they have taken shelter again
    In the depth of the darkest shadows
    Waiting for the eyes to close

    When morn comes
    The conspicuous eye bags
    Reveal yet another night
    Haunted by the incubus

    And what hurts is
    No one wanders why or how
    And no one cares to know
    The what either...


  • eusmaph 28w


    The sun rose in the east
    The birds flew high up in the sky
    Shouting joys of happiness
    That my heart didn't heed to
    And so here I am
    On my bed
    Pondering about the way of life
    How tiring and monotonous it is
    And how ready I am to give up

    The smiles long ago became fake
    The twinkle in the eye faded to nothing
    A small frown greeted my morn
    And a melancholia settles my heart
    Nothing makes me move
    As my arms freeze like lead
    My eyes still like a statue — emotionless
    My heart frozen in its own rhythm
    And a buzz in my brain
    Yet nothing frees me from my reverie

    Hunger pangs make me move
    And every step is forced
    Yet my feet silently glide me
    Down the well known path
    My thoughts not processing
    My eyes still to the on lookers
    And in the bright, loud dining room
    My heart felt lovelier than ever
    Music blasting in my ears
    And I feeling nothing

    Maybe I had given up
    Monotonously I wait
    Monotonously I fake the smile
    Monotonously I face reality
    Life was monotonous
    Every second was tedious

    Maybe some day I will snap
    Till then I will hide the darkness and skip
    Till then I will wear a mask ...
    Until then... Goodbye!

  • eusmaph 147w

    I trusted you
    You though you knew me
    You knew everything about me
    And that is true
    Yet you didn't know enough about me
    To figure me out
    Knowing my past and the scars I bear
    Doesn't mean you have figured me out

    But that's beyond the point
    I trusted you
    I gave you my heart
    To be kept safe

    Yet you too broke it like everyone else
    I now lie broken
    In a place where no other soul exists
    I am far away
    Yet you see me

    Do you realise what you have done
    May I add, knowingly???

    You see me everyday
    Smiling and giving warmth
    Like the sun that shines bright
    That gives just enough warmth
    To keep us happy
    You see me too
    In a similar way

    Yet you don't know that
    Beyond the curtain of happiness and warmth
    Lies a broken me

    I have been broken many times
    I fixed myself so many times
    And now I am tired
    I give up

    For years
    I trust people
    Only for them to break me

    I am finally tired
    Oh!! That doesn't mean
    I give up on my life
    I won't take it
    But I pray to the gods above
    That they themselves come
    And pick my shattered soul
    From a place where
    No soul comes or exists
    I have reached the final point

    And my prayer is to the gods
    To come and pick my shattered soul

    My tears roll down everyday
    My curtains closed
    To prevent the light from coming in
    Yet I motivate to be the sun

    I am finally tired
    I give up
    I am in a place where no one can reach

    Finally after a fight
    Fit for a warrior
    I gave up
    But I am not yet collected
    You all see me everyday
    Yet you don't know me

    I live
    I breathe
    I drink
    I eat
    I do everything
    Yet beyond the curtain my eyes have drawn
    You would see my soul
    All broken
    And shattered
    Like glass
    And you find me weeping
    And in pain
    But there is no more emotion

    Oh!!! How I wish the gods could come and collect me ...

  • eusmaph 147w

    Fate is a funny thing... It gives us hope... It makes events that none can understand... At the end of the day not everything is understood but...

    It is the same fate that takes our hope away and it is the same fate that make
    us suffer...

    Oh, fate!!! How I wish to understand you!

    It is a funny thing, ironically!

  • eusmaph 151w


    History never taught me about you
    It just flaunted about the past
    I still don't see the beauty it has
    As you do
    For what is there in the past
    As much as the tough bond which we share...

    Mathematics just taught how to walk in life
    Maybe without it I can't survive in the society
    But it still didn't teach me what you taught
    You taught me the meaning of one word
    And that word taught me life

    Biology taught me what I am of
    But it was not all true
    I have courage
    I have strength
    I have love
    I am even that
    But it was you who taught me that
    We together created a word
    Which is the first word in my dictionary

    Politics is always boring
    It never intrested me
    But I am sure
    We have fought more and worse than those in the parliament
    We were the parliament of our constitution
    We were the country, the ruler and the law

    Oh! That subject gave me the shivers
    I struggled
    And I suffocated
    But not once did I suffocate in the chemistry we shared
    Nor did I have a single doubt in how our bond was
    Its type, its strength
    Everything lay in my fingertips
    And never once did I drown in the deep waters of our chemistry

    Geography and its maps
    Were once my favourite
    But the day I had to mark where you rested
    In a map
    I despised it

    It conveyed a lot
    Through many stories
    Each had a tale
    But our tale in all languages remained the same

    Many might mistake these
    So I clarify
    This is for a friend of mine
    Whose soul rests in the bond we share
    And he rests beneath a pool of sands
    Behind a ever-so-bright glass
    With his eyes closed forever
    Which I foolishly hope
    Will open one day for me

    I will await you
    My friend
    No matter
    How long it takes ...

  • eusmaph 151w

    I Will Remember... Forever

    A bunch of flowers rested
    On the white marble top...

    The marble bowed down
    Till it reached the ground...

    Under the marble
    Was sand
    Sand that went down
    Till it hit the hard, cold wood
    Six feet under

    Beyond the cold surface
    He slept without moving an inch

    His eyes that were closed
    Hid the bright green eyes filled with life
    But not anymore

    His hands rested above his heart
    As if holding a promise
    But I felt that they were begging
    Begging for them to beat again

    But my foolish hopes
    Had to be destroyed
    Even if life can be brought back
    Right from the grasp of death
    I know
    He wouldn't budge
    But I hope that one day
    He will open those eyes
    That hide the bright green balls of life

    But who am I kidding
    He embraced death
    To be who he is now
    Oh Friend!
    I will remember... forever
    Till the day I die
    I will remember

    I will remember
    How you died in my arms
    I will remember
    How you bravely embraced death
    Especially when you could dodge it
    I will remember
    How you let death claw through your life slowly
    I will remember
    How your pain disappeared
    As death appeared
    At your doorstep
    I will remember
    How brave you were
    I will remember
    Every second of life that you spent
    In my arms dying
    With a smile
    That radiated life
    I will remember
    Every second of your life
    For they are embedded forever
    In my memories

    Dear friend,
    I will remember you
    I will remember... forever

  • eusmaph 151w

    Just when the Caterpillar thought her life was over she began to fly