As I ultimately succumb to the feeling of helplessness I have been battling for long
And kneel down on my knees
I see them applaud.
Their grins fill me with a sense of hatred, more for myself than them.
My bruised hands weakly try to wipe my moist cheeks dry
But my salty tears end up burning my wounds.
I jerk my hands away
I can’t let the overpowering pain conquer me
My heart is not the perfect place for it
But I fear I will disappoint myself.
The applause is getting louder
To the extent of making me deaf.
Almost letting out a shrill cry in despair
For I am reminded
I am still on my knees
Lame as a hurt dog
But ferocious as a hurt lioness.
I stand up
Surprisingly I hear less noise now
The sound of my rapidly beating heart
Can be heard loud and clear
For the applauders fear courage.
The remnants of my burnt down self confidence
Prompt me from backstage
I have to resist the tears
Eagerly waiting to
Moisten my recently dried cheeks
And transcend down to my lips
For I am thirsty verily.
I am everything I shouldn’t be.
Lost in a land of sad smiles and hidden tears
Which can’t be faked for long
The audience applauds that loud, you see
It racks your brain and soul
Maybe in mockery or admiration
They never fail to applaud though.
While wiping my tears off my destitute-looking face
I let the tears burn my unhealed cuts
I let the dust from holding the stage way too long, dirty my face
And I take a bow to them.
As the sound of my reincarnated self-confidence
Radiates high frequency waves
Which they can never fathom
Nor listen to
I leave the stage
With my head held high.
I don’t hear them applaud anymore
Because I simply don't care.