21 posts
  • anush18 63w


  • anush18 64w

    #mayatbay #�������������������� @writersnetwork

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  • anush18 64w

    Silence rattles inside my brain,
    All the emotions are about to drain.
    Alive is a fantasy in this world full
    Of good intentions being judged,
    My stubborn kindness will dig a grave,
    For the blood frozen and veins collapsed.

  • anush18 64w

    What the hell? @wn #mayatbay #mdc #writersbay
    #oof£ #ceesreposts

    RIP to the first two lines.

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    The world is high on bleeding,
    I'm high on chilling.

    Watching them burn,
    Maybe next is your turn.

    She must be a sorceress
    Feelings filtered and compressed,

    I am a ghost,
    Not a host.

    My body was a cage,
    And I was performing on a stage.

  • anush18 64w

    �������� ���������� ����������.��������.
    @gunjit_jain @rani_shri a read?

    #mayatbay @hindiwriters @cosines @kin_jo @jaya___ @/kehta_hai_joker @thelazymitochondrion @wild_aish @/sunenasharma #ahindi18

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    दिमाग के जिन हिस्सों में धूप नहीं लगती,
    वहाँ सीलन से कीड़े कुलबुलाते हैं,
    फिर लोग ये जानने को मरे जाते हैं, कि -
    आप इतना नम कैसे लिख लेते हैं?
    ~ आकांक्षा

    इन चार वाक्यों ने दिमाग में खलबली मचा दी है। मन परेशान है, मौसम कितना नरम है, मगर सीना फ़ट रहा है, एक अजीब सी चुभन है, जो भीतर ही भीतर खाये जा रही है मुझे, और इस खोखली आत्मा को हर एक सांस भारी पड़ रही है। मैं बेहद ही भद्दी लेखिका हूँ, ये बात जानते हुए भी आज कोशिश है खुद की मदद कर पाने की।

    मौत। मृत्यु।
    कष्ट। अधमरा।

    ये कमरा सीलन से सड़ता हुआ, अंधेरा मेरे भीतर के अंधेरे से भी काला। आज यूँ ही पापा ने कह दिया कि, "बेटा, कभी मैं अचानक चला जाऊँ तो धैर्य मत खोना, वरना आगे बढ़ने में मुश्किल होगी। बहोत कम बातें हैं, जिनमे मुझे रुलाने की हिम्मत है, ये बात उनमे से एक थी। गम ये नहीं था कि एक दिन माँ और पापा को खो दूँगी, गम था उनकी आकस्मिक मृत्यु के बाद की मृत्यु, ये सब लिख पाना बेहद मुश्किल है, पाप है ये, मगर ये सच्चाई है, जिससे केवल मैं नहीं, हम सब भागते हैं।

    किसी के अचानक चले जाने का गम बहोत दर्दनाक होता है, और उनके जाने के बाद की ज़िंदगी के बारे में सोचना भी भयावह है मेरे लिए।

    पिछले साल खोये हुए दोस्त की बहोत याद आती है मुझे, उसने ज़िंदगी कम जी, पर उम्दा तरीके से जी है। किसी के जाने के बाद का सदमा बेहद अफ़सोसजनक होता है।

    कुछ लोगों की मौत अचानक होती है और कुछ की
    किसी के जाने के बाद। उनके लिए जीना या मरना एक सा होता है, किसी को दुःख देने से पहले, सोचना एक बार।
    उसका असर ज़हर की तरह पूरे शरीर में फ़ैलता है और एक दिन पश्चाताप करते करते हम आँखे मूंद लेते हैं, कभी न खोलने के लिए, किसी की आँखों में आसूं लाने के लिए। छोड़ जाते हैं पीछे, अपनी यादें, अपने सुझाये हुए गाने और किताबें, तोहफे में दी हुई तस्वीर। जिससे हम उन्हें कभी न भुला पाएँ, मगर ये सत्य नही हो सकता क्योंकि ये संसार का नियम है कि वक़्त यादों में भी सेंध लगा देता है और एक दिन याद रखने वाले भी आँखें मूँद लेते हैं, हमेशा के लिए।
    ©अनुष् १८

  • anush18 64w

    #youarec @writersbay @writersnetwork #mayatbay
    I'll miss you may! ��

    Picture credits: me, ofc.
    @zikra_ I miss the warmth of our house. Do you?

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    You are
    the flowers and the thorn,
    the sunrises and the sunsets,
    the peace and the conflict,
    the mornings and the nights,
    stuck in a labyrinth called .

  • anush18 64w

    //Good and evil are a question of perspective//
    ���������� ���� ������������ ���� ���������������������������� ���� �� ���������������� ������.

    Our thinking is shaped by dualism. Entrance, exit. Black, white. Good, evil. Everything appears as opposite pairs. But that’s wrong. We often think in black and white. Life has many layers which we fail to recognise. We need to change our thinking to see through such layers. ~H.G. Tannhause

    Complete and Incomplete are a question of perspective. Life is nothing but a spiral of functions carried out by a cage that is body and controlled by our minds.

    It's 12:49 a.m., it's an important event for me, the lunar eclipse, I've been a science major since childhood and it is as important as breathing is for me.

    //�������� ������������������ ���������� ���� �������������� ���� �������� ������ ���������� ������ �������� �������� ���� ������ ���� �������� ����. Most of our time is spent on us figuring out what’s right and what’s wrong and we continue this search till death �������������� ����.//

    We are so full of life when we are in our childhood. Isn't it? Our parents and our family is the only important thing for us but as we move into school, we tend to find different people. Different as in: Whole new and different sets of genes and features carrying out functions in own and a unique way. Our priorities change with time, not a less known fact it is. Different people, different minds attract us and then we start feeling dissociative, this is one of those phase in my life when I'm in quiescence. When I have nothing but just the intergalactic interlude and the black hole emerging inside my body. I have everything at that point but not you, I have nothing in my mind, but thoughts of you.
    So many people to caress ourselves but the only one we need is that one person who is a part of your life but your presence or absence is not a big deal for them. And even when we know this factoid, we don't agree to accept the truth, we want a fake and imaginary truth helping us survive.

    //Life has unknown entities which are beyond our comprehension. Hence, we find them “strange”.The truth is a strange thing. You can try to suppress it, but it will always find its way to the surface. –//

    // ������������������, ���������� ������ ���������������� ������ ������ ����������������������, �������� ������ ������������������ ���� �� ����������-������������ ������������. Everything is connected.—Yesterday, today and tomorrow are not consecutive, they are connected in a never-ending circle. Everything is connected.— The Stranger//

    The day when we fought, the full moon was floating in the dark serene night and I was helpless, I had nothing in my mind but only the calculations, replaying and living in flashback of the worst nightmare I could ever feel.

    I knew that you didn't know the truth, I was doing some important work but you misunderstood if I was avoiding everyone, You wanted to sort it out but before that you chose to yell at me knowing nothing but just the lies. I never saw you that way, I never wanted to, it hurted to the core and it still aches from time to time, I bleed, Pain. The wounds are still fresh, but the layers above it are strong enough to take care of the new wounds over it.

    I said nothing, You kept saying. That day, I felt something left my heart and went out for always leaving me behind. I was all happy, but the moment when you did that, It was all changed. There was some incompleteness in that complete day. I didn't know if you realized your fault or not, I didn't know why I wanted to stay away from you, I didn't know why I was praying and cherishing every memory we had but somewhere I knew that you will be feeling deep dead at your end because it was done unintentionally.

    The text at 1:27 a.m. at night, ���������� ������ ����������, melted my heart. Those three words felt so sane at that time. I wish I could show you my vivacious smile, the pictures of the heavenly moon, showered zephyr on our bodies. I felt that, maybe you did too. But still I feel incomplete. I don't know about the theory, if there is any theory for this random feeling of feeling full and half at the same time.

    But there was something stuck in my mind, those words were not words, they were blades for my heart. They hurted and haunted me for years. And I am still wandering to get over it.

    //Life sometimes tends to confuse us with the oaths and ways that it has to show us. Most of our time is spent on us figuring out what’s right and what’s wrong and we continue this search till death reaches us.Life is a labyrinth. Some wander around until their death in search of a way out of it.Morality is subjective. What is good or bad for one person might be the opposite for another. Everything depends on how we perceive others’ actions and situations.//

    I hope I didn't disappoint you. @shrey2310

    @surefire @blurryface__14 @writersnetwork #mayatbay #darkestofthedark #jonas #martha #thestranger #adam #ave @jaya___
    @lovenotes_from_carolyn #ceesreposts

    Lines in (//) are not mine. If you know from where they have been taken, we are already best friends.

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    Complete or incomplete?
    It's a question of perspective.
    Our minds will never comprehend us the truth.

  • anush18 64w

    Posting it again with a new bg.

    And ofc the bg goes to me hahaxd
    I'll miss you #mayatbay


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    Autumn has been my truth,
    I thought spring was.
    I was having this
    misconception of happiness and peace
    but this is how it feels to learn
    to live with the empty promises,
    hoax personalities, peak but corpsed poetries, muggy smelling room, torn pages of your pain etched on it and the harmful truth that you have to start it again.

  • anush18 64w

    Okay, so you inspired me a lot to write this ♡❀
    @shrey2310 ��

    I'll miss you @frankly_moloch Keep shining✨
    @writersnetwork #mayatbay #ceesreposts

    ok. now. go.

    Walking corpse synodrome: you'll feel like your body parts are missing but it's not the matter.

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    Dear Diary,

    This is for no one but you, all of this I'm gonna spill here.

    The biggest fears of my life are my bonds with people, I'm afraid to know that they believe on my lies more than my reality. My lies? Lies of being fine, lies of smiles I fake, lies of happiness. Questions have their ends as answers, what is the end of happiness? They give birth to another set of sadness for being all caught up in this mess again. Sometimes I feel bad for misery, I lend them somedays to breathe, and then happiness comes, the worst part with happiness is that it is fake. The best thing with this feeling of dejection is that it's easy to carry because I've been exposed to it for a very long time and now it's good to carry this on my shoulders as they are my responsibilities.

    They ask me to be the same and never change, I should tell them that everything is toneless and dynamic in its own way but they don't believe, they believe on lies, because it's hard to live with the truth.

    Today, it has been six days since I have smiled a smile full of life, I loved being alive but now being more than anything what matters to me is suffering from walking corpse syndrome. I know that this feels weird but I can't run from the reality.

    Everyone gets knocked down sometimes, but you always go deeper and deeper. And one day I'll have to dive deep in the bottoms of the faded sea to get your soul outta here. Every person has his own modus operandi of dying, I died becoming words for my feelings. Now, I'm just a ghost roaming around.

    Someone long ago, said to me, of course that "someone" was very close to me (was hurts) and that someone said " , , " I didn't have an answer at that time, but now I do have one.

    I didn't know if it was normal for others to see a corpse walkin with no feelings, only some stupid questions in head. I didn't want them to leave and break me in zillion pieces and laugh at my abnormalities, therefore, I left loving them before they left. I am still afraid, I am a fickle minded person, I'm more of a sunset person, I'm more of an empty person.

    And here, My head has started collapsing and now It's the only closest thing I could still get to feel recovered.

  • anush18 65w

    Even your warmth can not melt my mellow heart,
    Remember when you said, I melt down very easily?
    Now, it sings a different melody.
    Melodies of Numbness, melodies of heartbreaks.

  • anush18 65w

    In a random conversation when I'm asked about myself, I usually give the normal answers. You might be wondering what is normal? No? Superb, no mess.

    But sometimes when I really dig deep for finding an answer for the question "Who I am", I feel pity, but not when I found the answers. So here's who I really am.

    I'm the denied painting of an artist who tried his best to create a masterpiece, but ended up being a mess-piece. I'm the skipped song on people's playlist, I'm the gloomiest hour, the mourning hour for a family in the graveyard, I'm the last bite of a child who usually denies it as he is full. I'm the gift which is wrapped with the oldest wrapping paper, in a muggy box. I'm that weird wind-chime which produces stupid sounds so that people remove it in the end. I'm the one being gifted �� �������������� ���� ������������ �������������������� every year, I'm the book which is kept at the top of the rack, the ignored and the befould one. I'm a deadline for a person, they don't hurt me but break me in million pieces and shuffle them so that I could never be that beautiful frame which I was.

    It's time to say a goodbye. I feel good to have found these answers, In these seventeen years, seven botulinum toxins received, three broken photo frames, and seven pieces of my ribs.

    Sometimes I feel that this phrase "Good for nothing" perfectly suits me, but you know, this phrase makes me think always why one has to prove that he or she is good for something? Why can't we lead a life excluding the part proving our worth? Why the way we present and carry ourselves isn't enough to lead a peaceful life? But now it will pass too. //I feel sorry to those who heard my leaving too soon. It makes me wonder now, have I been in touch of so much sunset that I became the person who always say goodbye first? Or is this a facade I built unaware? Am I that traumatized to be left behind too often that I always look the other way? I want to utter that I miss the laugher on the crowd, the cheers before midnight, the thought of someone being there before going to sleep. I used to stay a lot before. I stay too much. I stay a little longer. I stay even at difficult times. I stayed. Now? You will see me as the first person who leaves the door the first time the bell rings, I say good bye just after dinner at the gatherings, I leave notes and say thanks at strangers before the golden, I do farewells as if they were my skincare. I do it. I do the leaving before they could fuck my pieces again—

    It's the only perks of saying goodbye. But I hope no one would prescribe this to you. Because it hurts differently. Trust me, good.//

    Lines in (//) by—mj zyke
    #mayatbay @writersnetwork #ffffff #pod #wod #oops @writersbay @sarcasm

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    Who am I?
    Maybe a frame broken,
    Maybe a photograph blurred,
    Maybe a scenery, messed up.

  • anush18 65w

    Don't you think you're perfect, and the thought is worth it?
    Don't you think you were the painter, and my heart was the canvas?
    Don't you think you were the photographer and I was serene sky you used to click.
    Don't you think you are the lyricist, and my vivacious smile are the letters of your song?

  • anush18 66w

    Gulping down pain,
    Running in rain,
    Drowning in Hurricane,
    People inhumane,
    Dying in chains.

    I grew up without knowing the meaning of freedom, the cemetery with the least number of people will be mine cause' pain, bruises, injuries were there, always by my side.

  • anush18 66w

    ���������� ✨

    It's been two years since I had this curiosity to explore this domain. So what I recently got to learn is that Magic ���� ������ ���������� ���� �������������������� ���������������������� ������������ ���� ���������� �������������������� ���� ������������������������ ������������.

    I don't know if this is a good description for this amazing domain but I am not satisfied with this, because, definitions never had the power to please me.
    Magic is something as pure as a prayer. We believe in prayers blindly, and so in magic as well. Magic is believing the other person's intelligence to get us trapped into the tricks in no time. We are greatly influenced by the aura of magic, but little do we know about it. Even I don't know, but in this world of James Randi who made amazing magicians like David Copperfield, I love to be dumbfounded by these two souls, whom I have not came across but they cross my mind oftentimes.

    �������� ������������, public speaker, actor, author, mentalist and illusionist. The youngest magician of India. His work is more magical than his eyes, though he is one of my favourite. I can talk for hours when it comes to them but very rarely I find people with my interests and that's good in a positive way, I get to know wonderful things by them which I never knew.

    You got magic with him, it's true indeed. Not only his magic, the unexplored domains, like, Our own country's traditions, food, culture, why a specific state is famous, so so many things. I didn't know people like those are taking births but his birth has inspired me to start working from a younger age, to follow your passion from the very beginning without any guidance, just with your efforts, persistency and determination. (Ofc this is not a paid post :∆ )

    ������������ ������������, aka, Dynamo. Oh, I can't forget the day when I came back home after giving my 10th boards and that was the day when I got to see his magic for the first time, it was his tour in India and it captured my heart, he fell sick, he lost ways of living in a healthy way but he didn't lose the purpose of his life, Magic. He came back with Dynamo: Beyond Belief but he is still our crazy magician impossible. He taught me one of the best lessons of life, after his performance he left the place as soon as possible, he wasn't proud, he wanted people to react comfortably, it taught me that we don't have to put efforts for appreciations, we have to put efforts for achieving our holy grail.

    These two are the best souls I've ever felt, never seen but I am looking forward to a day like that when I'll really feel those souls with the set of eyes.

    P. S. It's lonnggggggggg!!!!! Sowwy!
    Go to hell. Suka.

    @writersnetwork #passconc @writersbay #MayatBay #ffff #dedicationsof18 @mirakee

    P.P.S. Anyone who thinks magic is in props should take away piano to find music. ~Neel Madhav


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  • anush18 66w

    And In those cold-corpsed fingers,
    I loved the light at the end of the tunnel.
    The sense of hope to live and to be alive.
    The hope to be and to become,
    I found myself living for you.

  • anush18 63w

    @writersnetwork #mayatbay @writersbay #ceesreposts
    Drafts being emptied.

    BG credits: Me! And Pinterest!

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    And Eventually,
    Rants the short lived ones
    captures our heart perpetually.

  • anush18 66w

    //oh how easy it is to slip on this shapeless, humming loneliness until it takes the form of my skin. i'm a forsaken deity, learning to come to terms with what's left of her ruins. the world goes on spinning. restless as my thoughts, yet immobile as feet. it goes on spinning — leaving, never slowing itself down for anyone.//

    ~Fray Narte.

    I was very close to healing,
    You came and played again
    With my feeling.

    In all those fake promises,
    You gave me empty premises.

    I was leaving the graveyard,
    You rooted out the plants in
    my yard.

    Seeds, still to born.
    Love, still to bloom.
    I, still to ache.
    You, still to break.
    Us, still to separate.

    I was very close to healing,
    You very very close to leaving.

    I was very close to dying,
    You were very close to surmise my death.

    I was a sunset person,
    You made me a sunset.
    An omen, bad.
    Hope, I had.

    Avalanche, swept me to death.
    Snows, you loved them, didn't you?

    I wanted to die banging my head on the cemetery of my skin.
    You wanted to see a canvas on a sunset with the painting analogous to the ones that Van Gogh painted and died.

    I tried your way of writing quotes first.. @surefire you're ������������������, ������ ��������.

    @writersnetwork #mayatbay #ceesreposts @fajr_fajr @mirakee

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  • anush18 66w

    and i've been dead since you left.
    Or is it a dream?
    Yes, Always dying never dead.

  • anush18 66w

    I remember you said that �� ������ �� ����������, but I had a different opinion. Maybe I can be a river because I am not still, but you are a river, even when you are not flowing. We are meant to be on the opposites. I am walking in a haze, haze of false notions. We were the same river, flowing in the opposite directions. I promised not to write you goodbye poem or tear-jerking proses, not even a single line I might keep forever buried deep inside my heart but I couldn't stop. I was hallucinating, about us. I didn't realise when did this US ended up in YOU & ME, but it's okay. I can't run away from this fact that I always write your name on the bark of the oak tree under which we used to weave our uninterrupted world but then all the threads tangled, and you escaped from the tangled threads but woefully, I got stuck there, and with your memories, heart heavy, lips chapped, eyes swollen, ears deaf...

    I promised that I would just let you go, that you would not hear me asking why, but I keep chanting those questions as if they are my prayers and you're my god. God? I never believed on god but the time when you were in the hospital, I prayed, I prayed for you, that was the least I could do. I don't blame gods for my doomed fate, but I don't blame myself either.

    I promised that I would never write for someone's leaving again, but the metaphors felt like blades over my skin. One day I'll see this world in a different way, when I will not have this guilt of losing someone to whom I shared every grey painting etched on my heart but ironically, the grey hues are not as hurting as your memories embedded in the membranes alive. They ask me if I am okay in the threads but no one dared to take me out of that world, but, now, I have given up.


    #MayatBay @writersnetwork #What #ffff #writersbay #writersspace #ceesreposts @mirakee

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    I shared every grey painting etched on my heart but ironically, the grey hues are not as hurting as your memories embedded in the membranes alive.


  • anush18 67w

    L o V e o f m i n e
    I F e e l h e l p l e s s i n s i d e
    N o t h i n g t o f e e l a n y m o r e
    D a y s w h i c h a r e g o n e
    W e r e t h e b r i g h t e s t o f m y l i f e
    D a y s w h i c h a r e t o c o m e
    A r e g o i n g t o b e t h e g l o o m i e s t
    I d o u b t.

    I t m a k e s m e w o n d e r n o w,
    W h e n d i d w e f a l l f o r e a c h o t h e r
    M a y y o u l i v e l o n g e r,
    E v e n i f y o u a r e n o t m i n e.
    T h e o n l y t h i n g I c a n d o i s
    b e l i e v e
    T h a t y o u a r e s t i l l b y m y s i d e.
    W r i t e y o u r n a m e a g a i n & a g a i n,
    U n t i l w e m e e t i n t h e i n f i n i t e.