WEIGHT OF THE WORLD
Honestly, for someone who seems so confident, I struggle with a sh*t load of inferiority complex. I call it that and not "perfectionism" because I understand that nothing can be perfect; at least when it starts out.
Lately, I feel like I've been riding on a wave of bad luck, nothing is just going right, not even the therapy I enrolled in. But luckily and quite ironic if not unfortunate is that I still know how to rely on my strength.
I lost loved ones to my hesitation and fear, and my overbearing need to protect them, I've blamed God for what I couldn't control and what I could have, I've cried when I shouldn't and smiled when I should.
I understand what it means to carry your own cross, but never really had to face the context until recently, a friend of mine told me about how there was no such thing as luck... He said
"You just look for things to blame, you carry way too much and didn't realize you weren't strong enough to fight two major battles, one was for love the other was to survive... You lost cos you didn't share the burden and the person who could have shared that with you is gone, the weight is too much and you're sinking, so you blame God and pretty little, adorable lady luck"
I am currently destroyed, but not requesting help, for some reasons, I know pain fits me, sadness keeps me going and anger fuels me, and that, that is enough for me till I can find someone to share them with.