For clarity They= society/people. Rose= Boy/Girl . . . . Alchemy of Sexuality
Prisoner of the temple, we call body of someone that feels so unfamiliar and impossible to tame. A dulcet rose, that's what mama called me now macerated in the poison of shame. They said be tough, don't feel enough for them it was only a game. Soon they abjured me, like a herald of sin crushing my desires now I can't reclaim.
Years passed and I dodged every feeling gyrating my brain, Until I met him a stranger with familiar smile, hiding the same pain. Rejected, rebuffed at every step but still trying in vain. Persistently he questioned, so what if I am different, unabiding to the shackles of morality, Should my life be a disdain? Soon they cheered like a swarm of flies, Had I known they would do the same. His words numbed me, the tears trickled down retracing the barren heart as the hurt started to wane.
_astitva_Sheer brilliancy is shown in expressing the real face of this world. But don't change yourself accordingly, you are the angel of expressions and let this inhuman world think whatever they can. The angel is heavenly so do your emotions. Just keep smiling and keep penning them down
vishrutimanhas_Thank you so much! Your comment really made my day. Writing about social stigmas help me gain an insight of the world that is totally different from our privileged fairytale.
clichepennameI liked the way it started and ended. But honestly in the middle they all seemed like a bunch of well written phrases that lack a total coherence and until I read the last 2-3 lines of your poem I didn’t know what you were talking about. I think this was way too abstract for my particular liking. The metaphor here was lost in the vocabulary and the flow was inconsistent.
Just my honest and humble opinion. Please don’t take them the wrong way. I won’t give fake feedback ever.
alsyniarico@clichepenname actually what i did goin' for a collab of my two good poems and hence it came out...thank you so much ...i knew it that you will give a proper feedback..that's why i tagged you....i too felt that i was a little shuffled and not making proper sense
clichepenname@alsyniarico I realised it towards the end I thought you tried to expand on the rainbow theme. But I really did like the beginning and ending. The middle part can be worked on to combine both of them.