7 posts
  • bouncy 32w

    Just go to hell - Dear Zindagi
    In my blood - Shawn Mendes
    #bb_song 01:40pm 11/06/2021

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    Journey through my playlist (5)

    //Yahan se kahan jaaun, Kahan main chup jaaun, Yeh aadha sa dil main kaise lagaun, Hoon khud se judaa main//

    With no where to go and no soft place to fall in, last night, I buried my head in my pillow and cried to sleep, waking up with swollen eyes next morning. You ask why? If only I could tell you my already broken pieces of heart are now churning into particles dissolving into thin air. Dead invisible. But I nod saying nothing.

    //Sometimes I feel like giving up
    But I just can't. It isn't in my blood. //

    They say, life is all about balancing everything. But how do you sail through the storm, if you are supposed to balance four boats all alone? Is it a sign of weakness if I give up on any one of the boat or perhaps couple of them? After all with all the scratches and bruises on my skin is it too much to feel miserable? But, don't worry. I'm not gonna give up. It's not in my blood. My mother was and still is a warrior. Strength is in my blood. Surviving is in my veins. War is in my head. I'm genetically strongly programmed by birth to fight hurdles.

    //I'm trying to find a way to chill, can't breathe, oh, is there somebody who could help me? It's like the walls are caving in//

    Just please hold my hand and tell me it's gonna be fine. Will you? I want an unasked hug and someone to take the place of my pillow, sinking in my tears every night. Above all will you be friends with my demons, because I gave up fighting them long back instead made friends with them. And you need to too.

  • bouncy 32w

    Happy- skinnyfabs #bb_song 02:00pm 10/06/2021

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    Journey through my playlist (4)

    // If you think I'm such a happy person, no you are wrong by saying my laughter is louder than yours, shut your fucking mouth//

    There's a lost little girl that was hidden in me. I live in a constant state of "not being good enough". Fed with emotional abuse every morning by people, I go back to bed every night, feeding myself a bowl of self doubt and self blame.

    //No one knows what I feel and what I suffer, No they don't know, so keep your thoughts and stop assuming that someone is always fine//

    Living with monster and fear, I wake up to body shaming daily. I starve myself to death only to end up binge eating next couple of days until I'm uncomfortable with my own body so much that I wanna cut the flesh or even worse burn myself.

    //I think I don't really need no friends, I'm alone and it's not that bad, then again it hurts me so bad and people just don't know that//

    The path I walk in was not what I chose, but often in life that's how it goes. Trying to grow, change and survive, I left many friends but then now I go back to them only to be rejected. Begging to be loved and feel worthy of living, I wear self criticism on my skin. It's not easy showing exactly who I'm.

  • bouncy 38w

    #bb_song #bb_er 9:15pm 30.04.2021
    The lines used are from the songs,
    "My oh my" and "Liar" by Camila Cabillo.

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    A journey through my playlist (3)

    //He comes alive at midnight
    He was onto me, one look and I couldn't breath//

    It's past midnight and he popped out of nowhere in my room, through window. He is like a campfire burning the desire in me. He looked as thirsty as Dracula. He looks just like all I need.

    // My momma doesn't trust him
    He's only here for one thing but so am I//

    But the yesternight my mumma told me never to meet him, because she never trusted him. So I promised her I won't lose control and won't get too close. I don't believe myself when I say that.

    // But what If you kiss me?
    And what if I like it?//

    There's something in him that lit up pheromones in me. The chemicals that rush in my veins won't compare to electricity. He had the power of telekinesis shaking my vertical lips with his eyes exploring my body as a passionate adventurer.

    // I swear on my life that I've been a good girl,
    tonight I don't wanna be her//

    But he walked closer and kissed me. I let it happen. He ripped my tees and popped buttons of bra. Taking the first class seat on my lap traveling up and down like an elevator, made me scream as if I'm in a haunted house and probably the people living in my next door knew his name by then. I fell bed-ly in love with him.

    ~One night is all it takes to fall in love with him~

  • bouncy 38w

    1. Main Tumhara
    2. Bolna- Arjith Singh
    3. Runaway - Aurora
    4. Talking to the moon- Bruno Mars
    5. Can we kiss forever- Kina
    6. Dance Monkey - Tones and I

    6:30am 29.04.2021 #bb_luvzu

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    A journey through my playlist (2)

    //Rishta Raha Bas Rait Ka,
    Aye Samandar Main Tumhara Kinara Raha//

    I wonder why I always find you in this song. Perhaps because I've put all your piece's into every single word and tune of this song.

    ~love had done it's part in my life, but the person hadn't~

    //Tere Sang Hasna Mai Tere Sang Rona
    Tujh Mai Hi Rahna Mai Tujh Me Hi Khona//

    I want you to be the sky that holds my poetry forming constellations of you. I want you to be the air that my lungs cling as if it's the last breath they'll ever beckon to breath.

    ~I want to be the night you light up into~

    //I saw a face in the sand but when I picked it up
    Then it vanished away from my hands, gone//

    I want to talk about our story in which only I exist and you are just a mere illusion of mine. Illusions where you're like hot chocolate, soo hot and I’m like marshmallows who want to be on top of you. I won't say your name. I won't say your name. I'll describe moon instead, is that a cliché?

    ~I'm in love with clichés and you are my favourite cliché~

    //At night when the stars light up my room,
    I sit by myself
    Talking to the Moon, trying to get to you//

    Hallucinating that you are on the other side, I stare in to the sky talking to the moon. But I wasn't planning to think about you. So I try to hide myself from the moon, but the luminance always finds a way into my home, peaking through the window and I could feel my heart start to beat faster as if it is still trying to chase after the moon.

    ~Perhaps I'll tell myself not to think about you tomorrow again~

    // I crossed the ocean of my mind
    My wounds are healing with the salt//

    These feelings engraved deeper into my heart and every pore of cells on my skin. I've tried many times to swim back on to the shore yet these waves drive me back into the river. It's like I've been living in the river for too long and I now belong to it completely.

    ~ I've mastered the art of drowning in unrequited love~

    //You know you stopped me dead while I was passing by
    And now I beg to see you dance just one more time//

    Unrequited love is the man who caught hold of my wrist when I was passing by the streets alone. I couldn't get rid of him because I fell in love with his company. Now eventhough he tastes like the venom, rather than hating him I've labelled venom as my favourite drink.

    ~I wasn't spoon fed love ,so I chose licking the knife instead~

  • bouncy 38w

    Lines in // belongs to different songs
    I guess I'll come back with part 2.

    1. Main Tumhara -Dil Bechara
    2. Never be the same- Camila Cabello
    3. Dangerously- Charlie Puth
    4. Save myself - Ashe
    5. Drum machine - Parekh
    6. Cold/mess - Prateek Kuhad
    24-28/04/2021 #bb_song #bb_luvzu

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    A journey through my playlist(1)

    //Tu Hi Pehli Guzarish Hasrat Bhi Tu Aakhri
    Maahi Mere Masiha Marzi Bata Kya Teri//

    As I play this song for the eleventh time on loop, writing my boring mathematics notes, my lips dance along with the tune at a low pace. My thoughts make its way back to you even as the slightest frequency of this song reaches my ear.

    ~I've fixed pieces of you in every song I listen to~

    //Something must've gone wrong in my brain
    Got your chemicals all in my veins
    Feeling all the highs, feeling all the pain//

    I don't know where these feelings come from. Neurons in my head make strong relationship communicating all the time only about you. They run across my mind, travelling beneath the skin into the nerves, reaching my finger tips they bleed into poetry. I worry, I write too much about you.

    ~The chemistry of my brain is at fault~

    //I loved you dangerously
    More than the air that I breathe
    Knew we would crash at the speed that we were going
    Didn't care if the explosion ruined me//

    I've walked over into your life, only to walk away tired from the after party. Blindly drunk. Sobbing with only a letter left in my hands, risking everything knowing I will have to face hangover the next morning with a heartbreak. But this hangover, isn't packing it's bag with a cup of coffee or even a hundred.

    ~You are the hundred and sixtieth time I tried to quit drinking~

    // I know everything worked out
    the way it's meant to be
    But honestly, If I had the chance
    I would take it back//

    I fetched for too many reasons to walk away ignoring the fact that they will never be valid enough. Who am I kidding? Everytime I tell myself I've moved on, my unconscious mind whispers "I could die for him".

    ~Loving you makes me love myself more~

    //All my love is wasted, Inside of drum machines
    Me inside the grid, And the grid in me//

    This Sunday I took a long shower to wash away all your dust that settled on my skin but the water is too hot, it burnt my skin. Perhaps I love you with entire force of the universe and it's too much to ask you to take in.

    ~Love deserves to be mourned, so are you~

    // I wish I could leave you my love
    But my heart, is a mess
    My days they begin with your name
    And nights end with your breath//

    I fall asleep with this song most of the nights and wake up from your thoughts, screaming your name out loud. I sometimes think of leaving the doors unlocked, for if one day you might want to come back hoping I'd meet you between the spaces of these words and lines that connect us.

    ~And the space is full of love~


  • bouncy 51w

    Journey through my playlist (0)

    //Tum Na Hue Mere Toh Kya,
    Hmm Tum Na Hue Mere Toh Kya,
    Main Tumhara Main Tumhara Main Tumhara Raha,
    Mere Chanda Main Tumhara Sitara Raha//

    You are my shimmering moon in the sky of my world. My feelings for you are the stars that are fathomed into constellations. And I'm okay with being the constellation which fades away within a blink of an eye, for I can see my galaxy floating in your eyes and the sparkle that shine when you think of me as the constellation, and I'll wait forever, putting my ego's head in the sand, to have a glimpse at the sparkle in your eyes.

    //Rishta Raha Bas Rait Ka,
    Aye Samandar Main Tumhara Kinara Raha,
    Main Tumhara Main Tumhara Tumhara Raha,
    Tum Na Hue Mere Toh Kya//

    My love for you can never get old like the smell of the ocean. I love you like the ocean, because it's calm, beautiful and infinite and so you are. I know, you say you are a choas and angry but so is the ocean. I'll be the sand dancing to the rhythm of your waves, swimming along with you, quenching my thirst of love. I'll also be ready to drown in the havoc that you creat and dive deep into you to discover all about you and fetch for the lock of my heart in which I've buried my feelings, so that I can open up to you. But, it's okay if you don't find my existence in you

    //Tum Na Hue Mere Toh Kya,
    Hmm Tum Na Hue Mere Toh Kya,
    Main Tumhara Main Tumhara Main Tumhara Raha,
    Mere Chanda Main Tumhara Sitara Raha//

    So what if you don't believe somewhere in the world, a teenage girl has fallen under your spell and seeing the map of her universe in your eyes? So what if you don't trust in my love for you, just because the love you've experienced in the past wasn't true? So what? It doesn't matter coz honey I'm all yours and will always be yours.

  • bouncy 53w

    You are like a song

    You are like a song, the special song in my playlist which I want to keep safe within the walls of my heart and hide it from the world because I'm afraid, the world will ruin it.

    You are like a song in my playlist which makes me wanted to plug in ear phones, hide under the covers and live in the music forever.

    You are like a song in my playlist which makes me wanted to go out in the middle of a night, walking under the streetlights and drown deep in the lyrics.

    You are like a song in my playlist which makes me wanted to live along side of a beach with chilly winds passing by, sitting with a campfire, looking up for the star in the sky shining like they never did before.

    You are like a song in my playlist which makes me wanted to go on a walk at a pleasant evening watching birds chirp and kids play in the playground.

    You are that one special song in my playlist
    Singing the lullaby which can keep
    An insomniac asleep.

    // You are like a song, which I didn't search for and now I'm addicted to. //