Whatever has happened in this 1 month, I would honestly say was not under my control and not something that I had ever envisioned my first month of offline college would be. Like any other challenging time this has been a phase of learning. It seems like all life learnings read, heard or just thought of came in one plate together in this month. I fell, cried, broke up, stood up, smiled, laughed, introspected, grew, became an updated version of myself. Now when I look back at myself a month back, it seems like an year has passed for the amount of learning. I learnt to live alone, independently, respect others' life decisions, not to loose myself in a friendship, not to give the control ofy life to others and many more things that I would have never learnt at home or if things would not have been so complicated due to communication gaps here.
Recalling whatever happened till now
I was good friends with these 4 people out of which 2 became the butter and jam to my bread. We would talk to each other on chat and call for hours. We would share secrets, talk our heart out, believe and support each other in our realising our dreams. Everything was going good and offline college dates were announced. We 3 knew that we were going to live together. We started feeling the butterflies dancing in our stomachs as we started doing our packing and looking for accommodation to move to a new city where all we would have is each other's support. We were excited to enjoy a new company. We met for a couple of days with our families to look for a pg. There, things started getting complicated. My parents from Punjab and theirs from West Bengal and we had scenes from 2 States happening around us. Opinions on living choices didn't seem to match much and we ended up rejecting all homes we saw in the first two days. We hurriedly finalized a pg on the last day and our feeling in one word was- estatic. We were going to live together finally. We went back home smiling and for one week online classes continued. We started sharing pictures of our packing material and changed our WhatsApp group's name from 'Future Roomies' to 'Roomies'. Everything was going like a fairytale and I couldn't believe how easily I could make friends and get so close to them in no time, this time. I had always found it difficult to find friends but this time things seemed different. Then came a circular from the college that date for permanent offline college are extended and for the time being classes would go hybrid. My parents were very attached to me and even though my bags were packed they were not mentally ready to send me so soon if classes were hybrid. One of my friends was keen on going though. She didn't write anything in the group. The group started getting silent soon. I tried to initiate conversations bit their were no replies. One of my friends shifted and started going to college offline. Me and the other friend left at home were also disliking online classes. She shifted the next day and I was the only one left. Then to my surprise they had shifted in the same room that we saw together but had taken some more people to live with. There was now no place for me in that house. I looked at my packed bags and the uninvited tears I had in my eyes and called ine of the friends. She told me that I was too late to respond and that they thought I didn't like that house and didn't want to join them. She insisted I take a room with a senior. My parents and I tried to talk but were disrespected and my number was blocked by them. We had misunderstandings in group projects as well. Soon I found 2 seniors and moved with them. Sweetest girls I had met, they had an experience of living away from home and could not empathise with my emotional attachment with my family as I was away from home for the first time. They were from a backward family and our financial needs did not match. We had difficulties in sharing similar food requirements, sanitary requirements etc. We soon started living as if we don't live together. Things were up and down. I was trying to adapt in a new place, overcome attachment, learning to cook, wash utensils, travel alone, keep myself safe and on the top trying to make new friends because all I had made in online classes were lost now. I got in touch with my other 2 friends and thought I would have never talked to them had I not had a fight with my close friends. I started having difficulties in my room where my roommates started thinking I was showing off my money. We had silent fights and after one good fight I felt like leaving, running away. I talked to my 2 new friends and told them whatever had happened and that I was hence shifting with my grandmother who lived an hour away from college. It became difficult for me to meet my friends for group projects from there but stay there was comfortable. On one of my by chance visit to my friends home I happened to spend the night there because I had forgotten my mobile's charger and my phone was dead. Those 2 days brought new beginnings. I enjoyed their company and they did partly as well. I also happened to read one of theirs social media chats with my ex too- be roomates and found out how they had twisted and exaggerated and presented the story of our separation to them. They were instigating others to not be friends with me.
Stronger the friendship, stronger becomes the anger after separation. The incident taught me a lot. I realised that I hady own shortcomings because of which I found it difficult to make friends and to adjust in a new place. Time had taught a lot and now I was seeing a new reaction to all things happening. Now I would bot react but responito situations. Now I would not judge but accept people. Now I would not change myself for others. Now I would laugh more often. Now I saw hope in every challenging situation, a hope that it would teach and make me grow.