6 posts
  • leahkaye 105w

    The end

    those innocent blue eyes
    she used to be mine
    almost 6 but still 5
    Stuck between truth or lie
    wish I could take you and hide
    I always picture it in mind
    cps kept you
    no goodbye
    I'm way behind
    barely coping
    no peace of mind
    I'm not fine
    government's design
    they want us to divide
    its the end of times
    We see all the signs
    suicide in mind
    but, I have nothing to leave for you behind
    just a world confined
    and im scared to leave you behind
    this worlds too cold and unkind
    resources consumed
    no room
    toxic fumes
    presumed so doomed
    mind also too consumed
    this world just a big tomb
    broken promises from the womb
    I swear I'd keep you safe I presumed
    they accused
    then removed

  • leahkaye 123w

    Child Protective Services (CPS)

    Boogie monsters do exsist. 
    But instead,
    They take shape of
    childless humans,
    dressed in business casual,
    holding clip boards
    expressing they are there
    for the sake of the child(ren).

  • leahkaye 148w















    No minding



    No strength



    More likely

    Not me

    Am I me?





  • leahkaye 172w

    Giving up

    A terrible sadness comes in May
    With too much light and unreal green;
    A sadness like a jail cell
    With no corner left to hide.
    Clearly I see a little face.
    Soft eyelashes shade her cheeks
    And she has such a trusting smile;
    Beryl runs forever on a lawn-starred with dandelions.
    And always she is six years old.
    Again she’s asking what I cannot give,
    The pain, the tenderness is there once more
    The old reproach of selfishness.
    While other people raised my child
    I sought sanctuary in madness.
    (M.C. Jones, 1970, used with permission)

  • leahkaye 184w

    De ja vu

    The silence is the most deadliest, you'd think the posion I inject in my viens could kill me faster than the sadness of silence. The echoes of your laugh now haunt this dark run down apartment i once called home. Once filled with toys like dinosaurs and monster high dolls, now replaced by dirty needles and disgarded trash from addicts. I stare at the smoke from my cigarette as it swirles up into the air. I sit motionless on the couch, my mind completely blank as I stare at the yellow smoke stained walls, my heart feeling heavy enough that it made it hard to breathe. As i slump my head down My eyes fill with tears and i think to myself

    "she's gone forever."

    then as i lay my head back on to the couch closing my eyes.

    I suddly, I awoke...

    I open my eyes and blink twice.

    "I'm awake. Thank god. That was the scariest dream I could ever have."

    Sighing in relief, as I see everything still in place like it should be. My whole
    apartment, bright and beautiful as rays of sun light up my living room.

    I see My 5 year old little girl standing on one foot with other foot resting on it. Monster high doll in one hand and a cup of gold fish in the other face glued to are 50" tv. Her little body swaying back and forth to the beat of music, her innocent voice singing the intro theme song of her favorite show. Admiring my love for her she then looks back at me with the biggest smile, two teeth missing and her beauty illuminating her little face.

    "Shes perfect." I say

    I take in the biggest breath of my life, and exhale like i never had ever breathed in clean air for a lifetime. Happiness filling in every void of emptyness I've held. I say outloud,

    "I'm complete."

    Then, disappearing like smoke in front of me. I feel my soul leaving my body, I blink and it all disappears into thin air and I am sit sitting in the same hell.

    My once happy life gone, only to exsist in painful flash backs as i sit in the shambles of my run down apartment. My heart and lungs feeling like collapsing with the weight of sadness and gloom replacing my happiest moments in my once lived yet distant memories of my past.

    "This is not a dream, I am in hell..." I say.

    I am never going to ever be the same. boogie monsters do exsist, but instead they take shape of people dressed in business casual, holding clip boards, expressing that they are there for the sake of children.

  • leahkaye 184w

    I miss you so much

    I wished you did not miss me because the though of that hurts to the core
    I wished I did not ever have to feel the pain,
    of you not missing me even more. 
    I think back to our times at home
     your first memories of being so small in my arms
    The hours I spent watching you dream 
    Wishing and hoping i could be the best mother I could be 
    for you to get the best life you deserve from me.
    Thoughts of our memories over and over,
     like a movie real on repeat
    Trying my hardest  to not try to dweal on what could be
     Consumed by the hurt of when they took you from me,
     Like im some dangerous beast
    no goodbye allowed to be given from me 
    I wish that wasnt something that consumes your night terorred dreams
    Maybe its because we were left with 
    No answers to grieve...
    Now caught up on these streets, no clear path to be clean 
    How do you ever heal when someone has stolen your only reason to breathe.
    Praying for god to bestowed upon me
    Dancing with the devil isn't a life i want lead
    Your voice in my head saying 
    "Don't worry momma, I'll always be in your heart and you for me."
    I wish I could fix the mistakes I regretfully made
    I wish I knew what I know now today
    I wish it wasn't the knowledge of rights that would make us the pray
    it consumes me like cancer
    making me a emotional prisoner against my will
    Wishing they meant it when they said, with time comes heal
    I am lost with no where to call my own 
    Wish I could blink and all this would be gone
    So I can finally be at home, 
    Because home is not a house with 4 walls
    Its a caramel colored, blue eyed, beautiful girl.
    Only where you are, I will finally be complete
    My only wish is that you will find peace
    That another family raises you better than me
    That one day I will have you here with me
    Not some imaginary dream that i dream 
    Exactly how it was meant to be 
    When your old enough to see 
     that my love for you will always be, 
    Waiting here patiently... until time can set you free and your back at home with me.