#empathmind

770 posts
  • angels_halo_shines 2d

    #empathmind #empath

    I don’t know who needed to hear this. I realize I usually don’t write this way. It needed to be put out there. Thank you 🙏

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    Would/Will

    The $^*+ never, ever fails to amaze me.
    You know, people really hate me.
    The hatred is really deep.
    I am told.
    Eh well, I live my life,
    You live yours.
    My path can’t be yours.
    The way it goes.
    Yes, yesss I am mad
    I am set in my ways
    Please forgive me
    Or don’t
    Forgiveness is for you
    Not I
    For it doesn’t matter to me.
    If you hate me,
    So will the next.
    For reasons only they know.
    Mom,
    Mom,
    She told me one day,
    After I had it out with some donkey
    “Jessie, you know one of these days someone is going to shoot your ass.”
    Yes, it may be how I die:
    But, I said it once & I mean what I say
    You hurt my family then we have a BIG problem.
    I will die for my family.
    I will die for any one of them.
    I have family I wish it could have been me.
    To spare them the pain, for I am used to pain now.
    It shows no mercy.
    And I would take it all to free them.
    Many can say why.
    Many can say how.
    Whoever can question anything I have just stated.
    I will do it because it’s who I am.
    Who I have become.
    So, let your questions flow like a river
    I pay no mind to your petty judgement
    I have my own to tend to
    Until the day I take my last breath.
    For pain is one big test
    You can fail, you can pass
    The passage you find at the end may set one free.
    I’m willing to find out, if need be.
    If need be, one will find out.
    I say what I mean.
    I mean what I say.
    For actions speak volumes
    I have 1 fear and it’s no person
    It’s nobody.
    For being here has made me strong
    Street wise
    You show fear, you can take a bullet
    Or a blade
    I am who I am today, from my eyes
    Seeing all I have
    Soaking it all in
    Breathing it in
    Holding on to it
    Breathing it out
    For it’s not mine to hold
    It’s never been mine
    I take your pain
    I hold it in
    I do what needs to be.
    That’s all I know.

    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 3d

    Telltale of Your Soul

    How do you escape the pain?

    You live with it
    Let it burden you
    Allowing it to take over
    You are in control
    All the pain is just an illusion
    Illusion of what?
    Of your life
    The life you live daily
    With the pain so unbearable
    You don’t dare say a word
    For you don’t want to burden them
    So you try your best
    To hide
    You can’t you’re forgetting something
    Your eyes.
    The are the telltale of your soul
    Your pain, the illusion within
    The battles you have within yourself
    D A I L Y.
    ones. you. don’t. dare. tell. a soul.
    Yes, those.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 3d

    Really?

    One day, one could say
    Hey man, I will be ok.

    The next day, one could say
    Eh idk maybe I'll be ok tomorrow.

    Next week, one could say
    Idk when, I just know it's not today.

    I'm not ok,
    I'm not going to be anytime soon.
    It's ok, that's the way it goes.

    Too much taken away.
    All at once.
    Once something has been seen
    It's a part of you.
    You carry it.
    Good or bad.
    Memory, nightmare or trauma.
    It can't be taken back.
    No matter what how you figure it.
    You're left dealing with pain within.
    Wondering why me?
    Because, you could handle it.
    That's why.
    You can handle it.
    But, can we really?
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 4d

    It’s been awhile since I heard you laugh. Now I’m left in the silence of heartache. It’s not the usual type of heartache though. It’s a type I never felt before. I don’t know how to make it ease up. Or go away. I don’t think it will go away. It left my heart when you left this lifetime. I’m so very sorry, sorrow is not a feeling that anyone should have to feel.
    ©️angels_halo_shines

    Photo credit my daughter Molly Sue



    #sorrow #empath #empathmind #writersnetwork #ceesreposts #heartache #mominheaven

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    Sorrow Through & Through

    It’s been awhile since I heard you laugh. I’m so very sorry, sorrow is not a feeling for everyone.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 1w

    Disgustipated comes from a Tool quote.
    Photo credit google images Maynard James Keenan. From Tool, A Perfect Circle ⭕️ & Puscifer.

    #empath #empathmind

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    Well when you try as hard as you can & you still fail. It brings a whole new outlook on what you thought you could overcome. Successful people have a sense of drive about them. Apparently, I was blessed with it. Just not enough of it. The joke was on me. Only I didn’t realize that until now. The light shines upon it, leaving a bad taste in my mouth. Disgustipated. Disastrous. I feel I failed myself. Time to try harder I guess. Smh. Try harder. What a damn joke. And I guess the joke was on me, at my expense.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 1w

    The Mending

    Getting to know yourself it's an awakening experience in itself. Realizing old habits are hard to break. The realization you can't go back in time to a turn of traumatic events are then unseen. Trying so hard to coast through. Digging through the dirt on myself. Sifting through the aftermath of a path of self destruction. Wondering why, what if & could things have been different. Perhaps so or maybe not. My path has been knocked off course. I feel & know it has been. Whether I did it as an intentional sway of actions or a course of life forming unbeknownst to me.
    All the events taken place, recollecting the wish that I could use an eraser for the bad. Oh, but yes don't we all have some sort of willingly erasable moment.
    There is no amount of time to give yourself. As a healthy healing process, not on your own. Well, the contradictory statement I could be proven wrong. Just for the sake of it to be proven. Inspiration, it is slim to none these days.
    No concentration. No words to put together I suppose. Knowing all the while writing helps me deal with life. Every day events & occurrences. Only when my mind can mend together to focus. The mending never comes easy. The haunting of the memories eating me alive come to light. Hopefully, for the last time I ever need to speak of them again. I fear nothing. That's a lie I try to convince myself. To be able to face the outside world. Grown so damn frigidly cold & evil. Without hesitation will eat you alive if you allow it to. You can go on ahead & prove me wrong. I don't mind a bit.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 2w

    Was It

    Lately I have been doing all I can do for me. Getting myself into physical therapy. Going to the psychiatrist weekly. And doing as much as I can with my family. My sons, daughter & my husband. You would think that would be enough to make me feel good about myself. It’s hasn’t been though.

    And then it all came together. I been off and on Facebook reading the news on there. Talking to some friends. Watching crystal sales. 🤓 I need to chill on that. But, then I saw how I been feeling. A friend of mine on there, she is a few years younger than me. Her face black, blue and swollen. And every color in between.

    A man, has done that.
    Another DV
    I know
    I know I can’t fix everyone
    Or maybe I can’t fix anyone at all.
    But, this has happened to my daughter.
    It’s happened to me.
    And it’s going to keep happening
    Men think it’s ok to hit a woman.
    And it isn’t.

    Then the cycle it then goes round & round.
    Your daughters grow up thinking it’s the way you live because she saw daddy hitting mommy.
    It’s not right.
    You want your daughters abused in such ways it’s mentally & emotionally they can never fully recover?

    Y’all need to wake the hell up & realize. Before it’s too late. One good hit & maybe she doesn’t get back up. Was it worth it?
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 2w

    cursed

    Maybe it’s a shame I’m still here.
    I am starting to feel like I am a curse
    More than a blessing
    It’s too damn bad
    Mom didn’t get her way
    Neither did dad
    A hell of a life to live
    All confused & lost most of the time
    That’s why I started a family of my own
    So very thankful I did
    I love them more than words can say
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 4w

    Don't Be

    The realization of my actions, you know aren't always me. My mind, it's been lost for a real long time. I put off my mental health for way too long. Don't be like me. If you need help, seek it. Don't be afraid to admit that you need help either. In my opinion, the more you deny help the worse you get. I am proof of those words etched in stone. I probably, in all reality needed help for many, many, MANY YEARS. If not more. Mental health, it's a serious issue within us that needs addressed. Many do not seek help. Like I said, it took me years to accept the fact I needed it. Now I have all these issues at once. Bipolar. ADHD. PTSD. Dysthymic disorder. Bipolar depression. Possibly schizophrenia. What has that done to my mind? Damage. I was an alcoholic. Addicted to cocaine. And so damn lost. I was chasing a high that would never be again. The high I got the first time I did cocaine. After the first time you think you can achieve it again.
    Damn you know, I was wrong. All the money just wasted, on all the 8 balls. All of it I wanted. I know now, what a damn waste. I wish I had just left it alone. It was never for me. Only I thought it was. I ended up stopping it, running out of money helped that. But, I swear I almost died. An aneurysm, I felt it in my head. My heart was pounding out my chest. I felt like death. At that moment, it scared the Hell out of me. I mean scared me. Maybe I had one & wasn't enough to harm me. Well, harm me as in death. My brain who even knows. I am here for a reason. To spread awareness. To tell my story. I am thankful I have a voice. Find. Seek. Heal. Love yourself. The rest will follow.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 4w

    Once upon a time where the angelic & devilish joined forces. It was then the angel knew her true self. The devil has hunted her down. As predatory prey, they caught up in a web, spun of pure evil. The more the devil found out about the angel the more he tried to weaken her. But, her wings would no longer be broken. Soon she grew stronger than the devil ever thought she could. There was no hope for the angel, for she cried wolf many times. Not realizing the fatality of this ordeal the angel had to fight tooth & nail. Till her death if need be. The angel questioned her judgement to the decision she had made, realizing in that moment this was literally life or death. The devil wanted her dead, but no blood on his hands. Eh well, it don’t work that way, any evil done to the angel will lead to blood on his hands. I think he realized that, loosened his grip. Only then at that point did he let up. The angel had been beaten, broken & empty of all she had ever known. She lost everything. Only years later she learned never to take anything for granted ever again. The angel has a hard time with forgiveness. Especially when it’s herself.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 5w

    Mind Openers

    I love to sit in silence to just enjoy the tranquility sounds of a rainstorm. It relaxes my mind. The drops upon the roof, are perfectly formed. Silence holds the key to so many mind openers. Which took me many years to understand. And while I’m still working on quietening my mind & my soul I look for ways to encourage the process.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 5w

    So Easy

    I haven’t any strength left. It’s always taken & used up. So, how do I build myself up again? Some will say it’s just so easy to do. Then here I am, saying it’s just not so easy.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 5w

    Goodbye.Farewell.

    The burdens of the past coming back I have to leave it in behind
    Never again to feel like a prisoner
    Less than a woman ever should feel
    You broke me down in many forms
    Some I never saw coming
    Why must I relive this nightmare?
    To forgive myself.
    To free myself.
    I learned I’m better than that
    It may have taken years to realize
    But, nevertheless I know now
    To think about all I lost
    It was a senselessly selfish act
    To have fell for your trap
    The trap to a demeaning trip to Hell
    I never knew existed
    Oh, you tried so hard to keep me down
    I kept getting back up
    I had to, if not for me, for my family
    I had to fight, I was at my weakest
    You took full advantage
    Of my weaknesses
    Trying to brainwash me into thinking
    I was getting better,
    all the while I was getting worse
    Losing any strength I did have
    Oh but the day I walked away
    I was finally free
    Never to be in your reach again
    Under your demeaning control
    I forgive myself, for the mistake
    The mistake that I learned from
    To never take myself for granted
    To be grateful for what I have
    To love myself first
    Lessons after lessons
    Teaching me playing with fire
    Only leads me to another dimension
    A diminutive path, taken off course
    Showing me within a blink of an eye
    How fast everything can turn to Hell
    I saw the way out was through
    I knew all along it was only temporary
    Enough time to realize
    What I never needed
    For that, I forgive myself
    Only for the forgiveness of myself
    Have I learned it was only a lesson
    I needed to move forward
    Good riddance
    Farewell
    Time to shine brighter days are here
    They are here to stay.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 5w

    Your Insurance

    The territorial waters you test
    Following me like a shadow casting
    The pure evilness that came with you
    I swear I faced the devil head on
    You preyed on the weak & vulnerable
    The very thought of you makes me ill
    All the while you had insurance
    Making sure the haunting played out
    The 2 words that haunts the most is
    Y O U R N A M E

    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 6w

    Remain Calm

    And just for the record, I ain’t right.
    My mind ain’t right.
    No. Not since I seen a young man lying on the cold & bloody ground.
    For all to speculate on. Taking their phones out recording death. I wonder if I’m the only one. I can’t be. It could have been my daughter, or me. Just cuz of a disagreement. Let’s pull triggers. That’s what solves it, triggers bring power. And power over all is the main thing. Watch as they stand in fear, frozen & in shock with nowhere to run. And now you see. This is why I am scared to leave my house. To venture to the outside world of Hell. Mom always said my temper may get me shot one day. That was my warning. Maybe she was on to something. I need to remain calm. How is that when you’re enticed to become angry?
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 6w

    Eh well I get tired of hearing this bull crap. They busy shooting each other. But want to say what they are entitled. Yea I can’t be like that. People they are losing it. And they are losing it fast. As the world crumbles around us, we are worried about what we are entitled? Why? Ignorance? Stupidity? Or lack of respect for anyone else? Or lack of respect for themselves? I will find an answer best believe that.

    #entitled #empath #empathmind #writersnetwork #ceesreposts #truth

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    Tangled Lives of Entitlement

    Entitlement: I pay my rent so I can act like a racist.
    W R O N G

    Entitlement: I pay rent so I can scream as loud as I can.
    W R O N G

    Entitlement: It’s a bad thing, entitlement. If they could only hear the
    ignorance spitting from their mouths. And well soap won’t even cleanse a mouth like that. Sadly this is where we live. In a world of entitlement for some & for others who cares. They are not entitled.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 6w

    Dear Me,

    Please first off let me say, be kind to you. Take care of you. Put yourself first for once. Everyone always came before you, remember?
    Let someone listen to you for once. You need someone to hear you. Treat yourself with no guilt. Forgive yourself for yourself. You can do it. I promise.
    Let go of the pain, let go of all negativity. Negative thoughts, negative energy they all must go. They have no room inside your mind. Cluttered up, closed in. Let them out. Released & free from you. You can do this, you know you can.

    Love,
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 6w

    FLUSTERED thoughts

    (F)lustering thoughts of sorrow

    (L)onging for my own forgiveness

    (U)tilizing all my mindsets to do so

    (S)lowly I make my rounds, day by day

    (T)aking time, to savor each minute

    (E)verything comes at once or never

    (R)oaming mind, to find freedom

    (E)ven if I don’t find it, I tried hard to

    (D)on’t try to understand, I gave up
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 6w

    You know best

    Cold & ugly
    As you are

    Sinful & diseased
    I see through

    Lies & corruption
    Leading to unhappiness

    Cold & ugly
    Look at you

    Drunk & ignorant
    Guiding your way

    Spiteful & bleeding
    Catch your blood

    Cold & ugly
    It won’t change

    Blurred & spinning
    As you wish

    Haunted & aging
    Mirrors don’t lie

    Cold & ugly
    You know best
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 6w

    Hopes of a Sign

    As I always do
    Looking up to the sky for just a glimpse of you
    Staring with hopes of a sign
    I know you’re here with me
    You’re here with us
    As you know we need you by our side
    Going home was what you needed
    I just wasn’t ready to let go
    I wasn’t trying to be selfish
    You fought so hard for so very long
    Showing us all what strength is
    I will keep waiting for signs
    You will forever be in our hearts
    Please forgive my selfishness
    I wasn’t ready


    ©angels_halo_shines