Indulgence (fast life)
(first paragraph adopted from song RUSH - Bella Shmurda)
Them say "I'm living in a rush"
Because I'm movin' fast
Them say "my matter don cast"
But me I no reply
Why dem askin' me why?
Why always gettin' high?
'Cause highway, that's my way
Time (time), chance (chance)
50, 50, life na dice (dice)
Damnnn, have i been running ? more like flying at supersonic speed...on autopilot worse still,
damnn. okay what day is it ? how don't i remember 60% of what happened since the
past 4 days ?
wait....is it because i was too indulged to care about the outside world ? hol'up... could it be that its because all days are the same ? eishhh, the past few days have felt so fun, i barely had anytime for any real life productivity and even social interactions with people not in my immediate circle ♂️ damn
i mean, not like im complaining or anything...i wasn't forced into indulging...i mean, i love what i am doing, or what i was doing....eishhh brain!!! stop FvCkin drifting off again! i need you here gaaddamnit!!
okay okay....lets get off the autopilot
and back in control
but wait....do i even want to ? i mean yes, i was or am carried away from real life, almost like separated. feels like I'm in some sort of modern fairy tale, and i play an actually recognizable superfun superstar role. i mean okay.... being intoxicated this frequently and constantly is not good for my health, and erm...maybe not so good for my mind too, but hmmm why do i feel the most alive when I'm in these bubbles of indulgence. i mean i always have my best of friends around me, with similar goals and mindsets (or way of life at least), most times its in these moments of indulgences i find myself getting the maximum pleasure from work both vocational and creatively, like damn....i write more and i feel it more, i am the life of the party more, i entertain so effortlessly, i sing more...dance more, like everything i enjoy in life basically goes on double steroids except academics oh well, somethings we keep trying to figure out right ♂️ heck even my finances seem to be fluid in these moments
i am most positive in the moments, my dreams seem the most vivid, they flash before my
eyes as clear as the night sky.
i don't know if you have these moments too, where your days feel like a blur...yes exactly thats the word. it feels like you're on a very fast train drunk AF and this train is headed to an unknown direction. inside the train there's everything pleasurable and you don't ever want to get off...well not until you look out the window and reality hits you. It hits you in the sense that....it serves as a sort of reality check and you understand that....while yes! inside this train is filled with almost all the current pleasures of your life, and yes there's a tempting possibility that riding this train till whatever destination might be the easiest smoothest way to reach all your desires in life, without all the hardship and strategizing.....yes while there's a possibility of that, there's still that little voice in your head, that natural compass we call our gut feeling, yes it goes with us everywhere and it's everly ready to yank us out of this dreamy train, and remind us that.... everything we're thinking is just one part of the spectacle, it reminds us that there's still the part where, the train might actually be on a collision course with chaos and that, those pleasures inside of the train are just distractions to actively try and stop a collosal potential filled entity like myself from really achieving my full real life potentials outside the train, because duhh the train is not real life....its just a perfect escape/comfort zone conjured up in our minds in an act to "protect" us from the real struggles and sacrifices of success that need to be made to actually achieve our goals and desires. because in reality everything is transactional, even success....you want it, you just need to figure out the price to pay to get it, very simple formula.
so now back to our fantasy train.
well, you're still inside the train...but at least you're looking outside now, and you're thinking a bit straight amidst all the weed, alcohol, intoxication, sex...baller lifestyle and all that, now you're slowly remembering your core, slowly remembering yin yang... slowly remembering balance and slowly accepting that this can't be right, because in here exists no balance, yes all of these is good, or at least feels good....but the real formula to success requires pain too, disappointments...trial and error, failures.... sobriety, health, exercise, school degrees, tests, discipline, focus and all of that....wowww
your eyes are open but you're not out of
the train still.
welcome to something i call "the overwhelming phase". It's the phase right before you snap back into real life of productivity and all. this is the phase where you start beating yourself up for allowing yourself get indulged so long and also remembering all the real life productivity plans and deadlines you missed.....damn, I'm gonna have to make up for all that now so you begin making your way back to reality, switching off autopilot and all. but just before that there's the last temptation to stay in the train some more....and that's the temptation of self loathing, the one where you feel you've already ruined it all way past repair and that the work outside in the real world is now too much that it'll consume you, so the offer comes again to just stay in the train forever..... after all nothing is certain and this may actually very well be your ticket to the good life. Lol please ban that thought immediately. and snap back into reality. because my friend. the only real assurance of success is not based on luck or chance...but on intentional strategizing, sacrifices, hard work, the right mindset, smart work, constant growth and a lot more.
and just like that...poof!!
you're out of the train, drained AF
practically lost, lol you shake your head and find your way back to the original journey
you're back, you reminiscence on your time in the train and smile
its back to the grind for you