Miraquill
Wonder
First I was a mystical child
Full of curiosity and wonder
Half connected
To the place I had been
Before I came to this one.
And I would remember things
Not so much in details
But in feelings, emotions
Like a pure joy
Or nostalgic longing for my other place, where everything made more sense to my child mind.
Then I tried to tell my mommy
About the other place
Where everything had a heartbeat
And breathing didn't matter.
You could be a piece of granite
And still feel
Or a caterpillar and still love.
I was taught my ideas were silly.
Just the imagination of a child.
And then, I became obedient and learned the ways of this place;
How to separate ever little thing from each other and name it, put it into a category so it could be different than me.
But somewhere, underneath this new understanding, my wonder was hibernating, still remembering that every little thing has a heart. A heart not like the hearts of humans, but much the same in function of emotion.
I held on to that.
Now, I am old woman. I have time to wonder again. Time to remember that long lost place I came from. I think I will be returning there. As I shake off all this separation here. I long for the belonging. Into that cocoon of hearts. All beings together, but having their own feelings. That place felt warm. It had a great yellow sun burning above and around it. It had vibrant green grasses that swayed in skin- prickling winds. And everything was everything. I can hardly wait to get back there. Shake off the lessons of this place. The pulling apart, the loss, the savagery. I never felt at home here. But I had to come, for reasons I haven't yet learned, and may never know.
I'm dreaming now, that familiar emotion of nostalgia, I can almost feel it there...oh that sun is so beautiful and warm on the skin of my mind.
Once I was a mystical old woman. Full of curiosity and wonder, half connected to the place I was before.
©mmbftd
#notmychildhoodsky
8 posts-
mmbftd
46w
Read More#existential #philosophy #worlds #memory #remember #sun #yellowsun #notmychildhoodsky #mmbftd #write #lives #repeating #universes #parallels #string #quantum #innerspace #thoughts #childhood #old #fading #goinghome
#home #wonder #curiousity #hearts #emotions #mommy #lessons #knowing #connection #departing #home5 0
mmbftd
133w
Read More#life #thoughts #poetry #nature #mmbftd#sunsim#lookup#memories#nostalgic#technology#changes#society#relationships#mortality#philosophy#notmychildhoodsky#sun#nature#simulation#Mandelaeffect#dreams#analog#records#vinyl#needle#theories#reflection#existential#reason#words#repeat#blueskytowhite#yellowsunisagift#mourning
Simulation
Do you remember
Analog?
Like yellow Sun
And blue skies
Those days are gone.
Do you remember
Vinyl skipping?
Needle dropping
Love sharing?
No likes
Phantom figments
Of manufactured adoration.
Do you remember
Soft touches?
Like fire's spark inside
Combusted.
And there were 2
Not many
1+1=2 is now insanity.
I'm a throwback
Vintage queen
Wrinkled rockstar
Pretending to be seen
I come and go
When I want
I'm not connected
To your lightning cords
My birth is a legend
No test tube
No clone
No DNA collected
No vaccinated sickness
Represented.
And do you remember
Analog?
Like yellow Sun and blue sky
Those things were meant
To die
I mourn their loss
And mine
Look up
This is
Not My Childhood Sky
It's something
Streamed in from the SIM
I'm out of lives ready to die
I'm ready
Put the needle down
And it skips, skips
And starts again
Do you remember
Analog?
©mmbftd7 0
mmbftd
171w
I made a mistake
I made a mistake
I let it in
Trying to innocently
Get a breeze
To blow the demons
Out of our home
And unintentionally
Let something else
Equally
Insidious
Through our screen
This air
White
Thick
Acid lung stinging
Ears ringing
Body vibrating
Sickness.
I let it in.
Now it's too late to do anything
But breathe
What else is there?
I'm responsible for this
The sky is in our house
And now I can't get it out
Head throbbing
Pulsing
With purposeful
Rhythm
Assigned by those unseen
I made a mistake
So I must suffer
I'd rather live with the demons
Than breathe this chemtrail air
At least demons
Have their reasons
I've made a mistake.
©mmbftd15 0 1
mmbftd
174w
Read More#solarradiationmanagement#chemtrails#society#Mandelaeffect#life#memories#geoengineering#weathermodification#sinister#insidious#sun#whitesun#blueskytowhite#notmychildhoodsky#lookup#strange#fog#community#clinging#people#dimming#questions#earth#philosophy#insight#love#friendships#strength#hope#purpose
Fog
Socked in again
But this isn't fog
I know, you know
That something much more
Sinister
Created this sky
I keep looking
Searching
For that orange-yellow fire
That signified life to me
Gave me youthful energy
But it's hidden
Obstructed
Behind this blue to white sky
Obstruction
Purposefully
They drop it low
On our lives
As we start to hideaway
Collect in small groups
And hold to each other
Sharing memories
That are morphing now
Mandela may just be alive
Nothing is certain
There is nothing sturdy
To lean our brains on
Nothing to give us strength
To face this
We collect
Like bubbles on water
Desperate for community
But we've been splattered
Apart
Turned against each other
And shame
Runs our dreams turned night terrors
No one's sleeping good anymore
That sharp silver screech
Of tinnitus
Running in our heads
Something has gotten out can't erase it now
Like a parasite
It feasts
On what we are becoming
And I would give anything
To return
To blue skies
And hot fire sun
To simple meals around an old scratched oak dinner table
Running outside
Barefoot in the grass
With friends who felt like family
But those days are gone
How long since any of us laughed with each other?
Too long
How long since you fell in love?
Too long
I need my history
To stay intact
But we are socked in
And this isn't fog
It's intentional
Dimming and dumbing
Of our true lights
Potential can't easily take flight
When we've all become
Socked in
This isn't fog.
©mmbftd12 0 1
mmbftd
184w
Read More#ww3#www#tarot#future#doom#paranoia#seasonalaffectivedisorder#sad#fear#anxiety#depression#prepper#conspiracy#chemtrails#futures#hide#switch#theory#dreams#childhoodMemories#tunnels#wash#fairvale#crazy#racingthoughts#isolated#truth#expression#love#scared#5G#solarradiationmanagement#notmychildhoodsky#mmbftd#covina#greenhavengang#static
The switch
My mind is broken
Like a switch
It flipped
The dark of night
Brings fear so deep
My bones are thick with the grip of it
And no one else hears
These thoughts
The echoing versions
Of doom and gloom
Look up
Look out
Find a place to hunker down
I'm not alone
Lots are talking
You just have to listen
And since my switch flipped
I hear it all
Like raw nerves
Picking up signals
Neurons firing
Till the flames are bright blue
With the knowing
And no one understands
I don't want to live through what is coming to us all
Hunkered down
Squatting in shelter
Crying
Lonely
Devastated by the air
Saturated with vaporized
Humans
And the rat race has desensitized all the rats
In mazes
Following that cheddar
It is flammable and meaningless
No value
I feel the value lies inside
With the love we share
With each other.
And I'm here in my own box
Listening
To the fear
Ingesting this
Day in and day out
Daylight savings time
Mandela-ed
And empathed
And intellectualized
And inhaling
Nano particulates
The air is toxic but it's saving me from that burning fake sun
White hot scalder of flesh
My switch has been flipped
And my childhood memories are flooding back in
Places I almost feel again
Memories like pieces of puzzles
Trying to align
It means something
It leads me somewhere
I used to dream of seeing my town from above
I saw things that I could not have known
Those dreams linked up
And repeated
Those tunnels all lead somewhere
I'm gonna find it
But I won't go
I don't want to survive what is coming
The horror is too much to witness.
And I'm a switch
That's been flipped.
©mmbftd1 0 2
mmbftd
207w
Read MoreThis photo has not been edited at all. This was my sky yesterday.
#chemtrails#eye#watchers#sunsets#clouds#see#lookup#notmychildhoodsky#breathe#sky#clouds#sad#Seasonalaffectivedisorder#sun#whitesun#photography#mmbftd#anxiety#depression#loss#emptyThe Watchers
That white light
Hot without warmth
Rays without
Golden hour
What they have stolen
Can never be returned
Memories hold that
Beautiful yellow sun
Tell me now
Which do you see?6 1 1
mmbftd
210w
Read MoreJust a little photo that shows me thinking about these skies that are so strange looking compared to what I saw back in the 70's/80's when I was a kid. I like to document my skies with my photography which is a passion for me, just as much as writing is. #notmychildhoodsky#lookup#strangeskies#sad#sunlight#shots in#planes#jets#solarradiatinmanagement#chemtrails#geoengineering#bluesky#clouds#thoughts#sunnysightup#thinkaboutit#nature#manmade#mmbftd#photography#timeshavechanged#sunnydays#Seasonalaffectivedisorder#sickness#anxiety#depression#sideeffects#ponder#sharingthoughts
#notmychildhoodsky
11 0
mmbftd
211w
Read More#notmychildhoodsky#srm#solarradiatinmanagement#jets#sunshine#yellowsun#whitesun#chemtrails#childhood#pool#memories#time#relativity#dimensions#timeisaflatcircle#timetraveler#mmbftd#greenhaven#sunburn#tan#coppertone#floating#watchingtime#stringtheory#quantumphysics#kids#summertime#swimming#rareyellowsun#yellowsunisagift#thinking#lookup#idonotconset#Seasonalaffectivedisorder#sad
Yellow Sun
I saw a yellow sun recently
It made everything glow
So beautifully
All the colors of life
Clear and vibrant
Deep
Expressions
Of the emotions they made me feel.
I was so surprised by this yellow sun
Because it had been so long
Since I had seen one
The searing white hot light
That pulsed and beamed
And burnt my flesh
Had become the norm
The trails smeared by jets
That covered this white sun
Was our normal now
But when I saw the yellow sun
It brought a comfort and calm
One I had forgotten
From my childhood
Before things had turned to
Screaming and struggles
When it was just me
Surrounded by my little friends
As we dove into my pool
Over and over again
Smelling wonderfully
Of chlorine and Coppertone
We stayed in too long
Until our fingertips were
Unrecognizable
Who were we now?
We floated together in the center of the innertube
And watched the ripples of light travel back and forth across each other
Glowing on the bottom of the pool
And I think I realized then
But forgot along the way
That time is not linear
But all around us in every way
Every direction all at once
Like those sunlit patterns on the floor of the pool
Always crossing over each other
Merging
And then receding
And pushing right through-
Like tides but clearer to see.
As I floated there with my little friend
Back to back
our tiny spines touching
Yellow sun drying
and nurturing us at the same time
As the nylon of my bathing suit
Clung to my freckled skin
And the breeze cooled me just enough to not realize that I was sunburning
And oh!
what I wouldn't give for a yellow-sun-sunburn now!
To fill me up with that good
Energy.
This white hot imposter
Leaves only anxiety and depression
It makes me the crazy one
As no one else seems to notice this strange new sky
But this...
This is NOT
my childhood sky.
©mmbftd118 4 8
- the_blu_phoenix You are an entirely different human in possibly a different part of the world and feeling today’s event in an entirely different way. But dear human, whoever you are, your words connected with me. It was as if you echoed exactly what I was feeling and somehow the universe handed me a reassurance with your presence. Can’t be grateful enough to you for writing this. Thank you so much.
- mmbftd @the_blu_phoenix wow. I cannot tell you how much your message means to me. Most times I feel crazy. It helps so much to know you are out there too...feeling these things. I guess we just hold on for the ride and cling to our words. They are our connections that can never be undone. Thank you so much for reaching out. You have comforted me so much. HUGS. consider me a friend from California.
- the_blu_phoenix @mmbftd it’s funny how different we all are, but somehow, something like this connects two people under the same sky. The sky is everywhere and the time is same, but even the same moon is percieved in a different way by two different people. I believe in the universe and souls and magic. I believe in fate. But yes, it had been an off day for me today. (I have these sudden blues sometimes when I feel I’m so crazy for feeling such a melancholy for no reason.) your writeup was the first in my feed and reading this made me feel like I had sunshine in me. Whoever you are, a big hug to you. And consider me a fan. You made me smile and feel not alone. That’s a huge thing. You’re awesome.
-
candra
"But forgot along the way
That time is not linear
But all around us in every way
Every direction all at once"
^this <3 ^