#ptsd

962 posts
  • scaredycat2222 1d

    Nope

    Im sorry
    if the way
    that I love you is too soft
    My hands were bound with promises made With words that meant
    to break them

    My cries were muffled with sheets twisted in silk
    That mopped up the milk That dripped from a broken cereal bowl
    He threw at the wall
    Right above my body
    where my head broke my fall

    I was naive in hoping for the end when I knew it was just the beginning

    I tried to shut my eyes
    but my world just kept on spinning

    My nails numb to the carpet and
    they just cant stop digging
    I cant claw my way outta here
    I can scream or yell my way out,i fear
    the only thing that stops them is ny blood on their hands
    and im just not bleeding yet

    who knew there could be so much pain inflicted
    with out leaving so much as drop baring witness
    to the wickedness that hid inside.

    who knew I could loose faith
    In everything and still beg for anything other than what he was doing to me right fucking now

    I just dont have the strength to fight back right now

    I vowed
    I would never, ever, ever
    never ever, ever again
    trust another person, lover, or friend
    with even the smallest piece of me thag they could beat, bloody, break or bend

    So im sorry
    If the love I give you seems like a tiny quiet cry that gets carried away
    In a soft summer breeze
    when its compared To the way you can love somebody it looks like you love blindly with the greatest of ease


    ©scaredycat2222

  • taytay_nicole424 3d

    *Sexual Assault Trigger Warning read at ur own risk*

    I'm nothing more than a mere painting
    Tarnished by your touch
    You took all these beautiful colors I once harbored
    Splattered them across my canvas
    Ruining the once beauty and brightness of my soul
    Now when I look at this art I call my body
    I see nothing more than the scarring smears you left behind
    Forever taunting me
    Always reminding me that my purity was never truly mine

    #painter #wod #ruinedcanvas #rape #feels #metoo #sexualassault #victim #survivor #warrior #struggling #drowning #deep #dark #cruel #art #depressed #ptsd #writer #poetry #poem #poet #mirakee #miraquill #writersnetwork @miraquill

    *I want to give a very grateful thank you to @writersnetwork for reposting my poem, it truly means so much to me<3

    *Giving another grateful thank you to everyone who reposted my poem, just knowin that y'all enjoy my poems enough to share them just makes my day:)

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    Ruined Canvas

    When I look at this art I call my body
    I see nothing more than the scarring smears you left behind
    ©taytay_nicole424

  • srnjj17 1w

    Graves

    Im digging graves
    For all my feelings
    And burying them alive
    Saying farewell
    To everything I held inside
    It's my turn to be the ghost
    I'll make everyone see
    Even I'm gonna be dead to me.




    Cut my soul open so it bleeds
    Give me some kind of release
    The pressure, the weight
    It's all too much for me
    ©srnjj17

  • mighty_are_the_fallen 1w

    Hurt me

    You where afraid to be alone
    So you hurt me
    So they would love you
    ©mighty_are_the_fallen

  • angels_halo_shines 1w

    The Mending

    Getting to know yourself it's an awakening experience in itself. Realizing old habits are hard to break. The realization you can't go back in time to a turn of traumatic events are then unseen. Trying so hard to coast through. Digging through the dirt on myself. Sifting through the aftermath of a path of self destruction. Wondering why, what if & could things have been different. Perhaps so or maybe not. My path has been knocked off course. I feel & know it has been. Whether I did it as an intentional sway of actions or a course of life forming unbeknownst to me.
    All the events taken place, recollecting the wish that I could use an eraser for the bad. Oh, but yes don't we all have some sort of willingly erasable moment.
    There is no amount of time to give yourself. As a healthy healing process, not on your own. Well, the contradictory statement I could be proven wrong. Just for the sake of it to be proven. Inspiration, it is slim to none these days.
    No concentration. No words to put together I suppose. Knowing all the while writing helps me deal with life. Every day events & occurrences. Only when my mind can mend together to focus. The mending never comes easy. The haunting of the memories eating me alive come to light. Hopefully, for the last time I ever need to speak of them again. I fear nothing. That's a lie I try to convince myself. To be able to face the outside world. Grown so damn frigidly cold & evil. Without hesitation will eat you alive if you allow it to. You can go on ahead & prove me wrong. I don't mind a bit.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 3w

    cursed

    Maybe it’s a shame I’m still here.
    I am starting to feel like I am a curse
    More than a blessing
    It’s too damn bad
    Mom didn’t get her way
    Neither did dad
    A hell of a life to live
    All confused & lost most of the time
    That’s why I started a family of my own
    So very thankful I did
    I love them more than words can say
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • scaredycat2222 3w

    10th & Michigan

    I cant quite get him to release his grip
    I cant fucking breathe
    Are you trying to kill me?
    Wtf.
    Wtf was that.
    Wtf…wtf…wtf..omg…omg…omg…
    Whys he calling me
    Oh god I cant answer
    I have to answer or hell be angry
    Hes at the door
    Hes singing
    Oh ok hes super sorry
    He wants to cuddle
    We made up
    I have to be careful not to wake him
    Im terrified to wake him
    Fuck I woke him up
    Im sorry
    I didn’t mean to
    U don’t have to do that
    Fuck
    Please
    Im sorry
    I didn’t mean to
    Fuck
    Youre right
    Im awful
    The worst girlfriend ever
    You deserve better baby
    Much better than me
    U want to cuddle
    Ok
    Let’s make up
    Fuck it feels good when he touches me
    And kiss me
    And loves me
    Oh my god hes amazing when he is amazing
    I can do better
    I cant loose him
    I can be a good girlfriend
    I didn’t say anything
    I swear didn’t
    Stop
    Please stop
    U just said
    Im sorry youre right
    Im sorry
    Please
    Fuck
    Ok
    Ok
    Ok
    Ok
    Ok
    Please
    Pl3ase
    Ok
    Yes
    Yes
    I promise
    Youth right
    No I swear baby you’re right
    Im shit
    Im fucking trash
    Ok
    I love u too baby
    Ok
    Im gonna sleep
    I will answer
    I promise
    I love u too
    Im sorry I was in the shower
    The phone was on vibrate
    Please
    Please don’t u don’t have to
    I get it
    Ok!
    Ok!
    Ok!
    I swear
    No no no
    Ok
    Ok
    Omg
    Omg
    Wtf
    Omg
    Wtf wtf wtf wtf what the fuck!!
    God dammit
    God
    Damn
    It!
    Crying wont get you anywhere
    I dont know what to do with what im feeling inside
    I dont like what im feeling inside
    Its too much
    Im suffocating
    I need it out if me
    God get it out of me
    Please
    Do something
    You have to do something
    Ok
    Ok
    Ok
    That’s That’s much better
    Numb is much better
    Ok
    Ok
    Ok
    Hi love
    How was your day
    Oh what happened
    Im sorry
    Please
    Don’t
    Please
    Ok
    Im sorry
    Im sorry
    Im sorry
    Please
    Ok!!
    Youre right!
    Its me!
    My fault!
    Im sorry!
    Im sorry baby.
    ©scaredycat2222

  • angels_halo_shines 4w

    Don't Be

    The realization of my actions, you know aren't always me. My mind, it's been lost for a real long time. I put off my mental health for way too long. Don't be like me. If you need help, seek it. Don't be afraid to admit that you need help either. In my opinion, the more you deny help the worse you get. I am proof of those words etched in stone. I probably, in all reality needed help for many, many, MANY YEARS. If not more. Mental health, it's a serious issue within us that needs addressed. Many do not seek help. Like I said, it took me years to accept the fact I needed it. Now I have all these issues at once. Bipolar. ADHD. PTSD. Dysthymic disorder. Bipolar depression. Possibly schizophrenia. What has that done to my mind? Damage. I was an alcoholic. Addicted to cocaine. And so damn lost. I was chasing a high that would never be again. The high I got the first time I did cocaine. After the first time you think you can achieve it again.
    Damn you know, I was wrong. All the money just wasted, on all the 8 balls. All of it I wanted. I know now, what a damn waste. I wish I had just left it alone. It was never for me. Only I thought it was. I ended up stopping it, running out of money helped that. But, I swear I almost died. An aneurysm, I felt it in my head. My heart was pounding out my chest. I felt like death. At that moment, it scared the Hell out of me. I mean scared me. Maybe I had one & wasn't enough to harm me. Well, harm me as in death. My brain who even knows. I am here for a reason. To spread awareness. To tell my story. I am thankful I have a voice. Find. Seek. Heal. Love yourself. The rest will follow.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • deadlittlesongbird 5w

    Pathetic

    Walking along the riverbank with you
    When I was young.
    Oh, how I once idolized you.

    Tears pooled around the corners of my mouth
    Before dripping onto clasped hands,
    Listening to your your pain, your traumas.

    I laughed with you, cried with you
    Let my guard down around you.
    How much of this was a lie?

    You should have shot yourself
    With the rifle you pointed at my face.
    Taste the tears, lead, and bitter fear.

    I mourn for you, who you once were.
    Never able to truly grow up,
    A beaten sad boy, forever.
    ©deadlittlesongbird

  • nobodyknows_ 6w

    Much is not revealed, too wrong with the situation.
    Nothing serious anyways. Nothing ever stuck.
    Nothing ever measured up. My heart had just stopped.

    #PTSD
    #Writersnetwork
    #Miraquill

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    PTSD

    Trauma. Whether it is the result of something done to you or something you yourself have done, almost always make it difficult to engage in intimate relationships. How can you surrender to an intimate relationship after you have been brutally violated? One of the hardest things for traumatized people is to confront their shame about the way they behaved during a traumatic episode. It's hard enough to face the suffering that has been inflicted by others, but deep down many traumatized people are even more haunted by the shame they feel about what they themselves did or did not do under the circumstances. They despise themselves for how terrified, dependent, excited, or enraged they left. Most of them suffer from agonizing shame about the actions they have to survive and maintain a connection with the person who abused them.


    ©nobodyknows_

  • angels_halo_shines 8w

    I think that it’s a good time to say, I don’t think this is always me writing as much as someone is using me to write through. Knowing I will write it as it comes.

    #writersnetwork #empath #empathmind #mentalhealth #ptsd #bipolar #emotions

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    Interpretation/Perception

    Just so this is out there. My interpretation of words/lyrics might be totally different than what your interpretation is. My perception is different, it’s on daily ever changing, always seems different than the last. Life takes turns & it may or may not be the right turn to path you need to be on. We will never know that. I sit & listen to songs, repeatedly. Intriguing & calming at the same time. A wide range from the blues to industrial to grunge to country. You just know what kinda mood I will be in. At that moment I could be sad, angry or happy. Irritated & low key plain out bi-polar psychotic rages to feelings of loneliness. I can never be cured of all that. Not in this lifetime. In the next I’m hoping I’m fixed. No more brokenness. No more depression. No more voices, haunting or taunting me. Feeling exposed. The hunters have always have hunted their prey. Seems the roles can switch up time to time. That’s not unheard of. Now is it? When it rains, it is said it pours. It pours. Death comes in 3’s. That still holds true. Sometimes the truth hurts. To the ones that have denied all they have. One day that denial is gonna slap you silly, you will meet contradiction 10 fold. This was never me. This is what has been brought out of me. By you. And now the tradition carries on. Does it make you proud? Or there is some excuse now? Ran off 2. Working on a 3. And I sit in agony knowing just that. Who the hell are you to pass judgement on me though. I have overcome many of my battles, on my own. No one has a damn clue as to how many. I am afraid I don’t know the count either. But, here the Hell I am. Not afraid of much. Not afraid of sadness, or loneliness anymore. They are my friends forever. Loss, it’s never easy. Those are the scars that are left in your memories. To forever hold onto. Sacred & true. In the end that’s all we have. Is our hearts we are born with. The heart carried carefully placed within us. The same heart that makes us cry. That makes us love. When it breaks it seems the world is going to come to an end. But, listen it doesn’t always need to come to that. All about perception. The way you see it. Your interpretation of life. It’s never easy. You can push through just as I have. I promise you that. Push forward.


    ©angels_halo_shines

  • rahoof 8w

    This silence which I am trapped in surrounds me like an incomprehensible cotton ball.
    Where I find myself held down to a nailed out plank.
    From where I struggle to make a comeback.

    I am lost in a murky lake of blankness,
    in a motionless heathen of debilitating silence.
    I row my boat in hopes of finding Something
    Clear open blue and bright.
    Instead I found my paddles stuck in between
    Muddy roots of a shallow lake.

    -on depression

    ©rahoof

  • george22 9w

    'Comfort zone' -

    Here I lay,
    I forget so often what to say.

    It's almost time to leave the place,
    Where I fought but lost my grace.

    You'd think leaving would be good,
    But in this spot for years I've stood.

    It's like I'm scared to start a new,
    Here I'll be far away from you.

    I thought I'd be excited for this,
    A chance to make up for the things I did miss.

    But fear takes it's hit,
    And in the darkness I want to sit.

    Going over the past,
    Replaying it fast.

    As I know it so well it's almost a friend,
    But I need to let go and mend

    Walking to the unknown,
    It's time to leave the comfort zone.
    ©george22

  • sohailsamad786 10w

    Mirrors

    To see in others
    What we despise
    Mirrors of our past
    Reflect into your own eyes.

    To find the paths that
    Led us astray
    Were made by those who we had
    trusted to have kept us at bay.

    Though truth be told,
    It always holds true.
    The deepest of our wounds
    Were inflicted by those we knew.

    ©sohailsamad786

  • george22 10w

    'Breathe, breathe drown' -

    Bad night,
    It's a fright.

    I feel myself sinking down,
    Breathe, breathe drown.

    Staring at the wall,
    Those hands crawl.

    Eyes staring me down,
    Breathe, breathe drown.

    Frozen in this space,
    Thrown back to that place.

    A familiar corridor don't look down,
    Breathe, breathe drown.

    Can't escape don't know how,
    There's no stopping it now.

    Pressing me down,
    Breathe, breathe drown.
    ©george22

  • angels_halo_shines 13w

    The curse of the family of depression that went on for centuries before me
    I couldn’t break the pattern.
    For I became part of it, tripping over my own depression. Claiming it was easy. Disowning it wasn’t for the weak or sting minded. Seems there was no escape. As the patterns have been enclosed in our blood. Locked & sealed. Patterns are meant to be broken, just not this one. It runs too deep. There was no escape.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • rahoof 14w

    Crustacean people
    ..............................


    Crab man! - crab man! - Crab man!
    They yelled at me on my sister's wedding
    They yelled at me, for they saw me wearing
    A shell over my insecure skin

    They ask me not to hide from my kin
    Must remain comfortable in a family gathering
    surprise not in case we bring a scale
    dont be nervous, fail freely young man!

    Imagine what faces they make
    and how they weigh things with their eyes
    Cant help it When the scale Start tilting
    More and more over to the other side

    Yes, this is the life of a crab man
    who had grown keratin shells for his skin.
    Ask if he's tired of living with people
    who weighs shells with their own judgemental skin

    But just at the end of every occasion
    I grow a shell, thicker than the last one
    Just like a crab changing it's shell
    I prepare myself - for another season


    ©rahoof

  • manicmaniac27 15w

    When I saw your face again

    I ruined everything about myself
    Your face reminded me of how worthless I was
    How I was only good for one thing

    When I saw your face again
    I broke in two
    I was a reckless tornado tearing through anything in my way
    I only realized the damage I caused
    Months later when the winds finally calmed

    By then I didn't know who I was
    Or where any of the pieces fit back together
    I was alone with nothing but wreckage all around

    Because I saw your face again


    ©manicmaniac27

  • rahoof 15w

    My euphoria of pain
    ...................................


    Of the many pain I have to go through everyday
    The one that I enjoy the most are the ones about her.
    You would ask, how does one pick favourites
    from their sufferings?
    But there is no other answers to that
    other than-
    "I have to go through this everyday."
    Even if I dont want to-
    My mind is packed with toxins for depression,
    And it decides to screw me often with general anxiety.

    Of the many pain I suffer, I like the most when I suffer thinking about her,
    It was always a kind of an euphoric sweet sensation of pain, acceptance and longing.
    One of the most enjoyable pain that I had ever felt.
    Closed chapter or a broken bridge you can call it whatever,
    you may ask for me to move on and spend more time with my family.
    To that I say,
    of the many few who gets me for who I am,
    family is not among them.

    They might ask,
    why are you being so hard on yourself, you have a roof over your head, you have food to eat, you have all your limbs and is not paralysed from the waist down like the most unfortunate.

    Yes, I am grateful for what I have
    But sometimes I crave for something more
    Than limbs more than food more than a house,
    When I crave for peace of mind.
    I think the most unfortunate people are the ones who fail to find peace for themselves.

    My first experience of anxiety was horrific.
    I even struggled to swallow food and water,
    And I got so fed up with my fear of failure,
    Even with all my limbs I had doubted every step I took with them.
    You can be the richest person of the planet and still end up being worthless
    If you cant find peace of mind.
    That's why people often say that money can't buy happiness
    For me, money is essential but its existence was always sceptical,
    It is funny how money often buys friends but not their loyalty,
    Wonder how it makes your father say that he is only proud If you find out a way
    to successfully make it by yourself.
    This often raises a series of questions that scrambles one's mind
    Wasn't he proud of me anyway?
    Wasn't he proud of being a father to a son that he gave life to?
    Why do you always have to be valued off of your success rather than your attempts to get there?

    The neglect, the isolation, abandonment
    Coupled with misfortune really test your will to live,
    Testing your will, for a reason not to take that final desicion.
    people often nearly end up deciding to tie a noose or to take a cold blade to their vein,
    Or an overdose of pills that doze you off to a never ending sleep,
    Or even wishing for a cardiac arrest on their deepest sleep for a painless death.
    All for proving a point,
    To make you people realise that the pain that they brag about everyday were true all along.
    Dont turn down a person even more if they are already feeling low, lonely or depressed.
    Sadly people end up feeling guilty only after the lose of a life.
    Technically this is not murder,
    but from the perspective of the people who end up committing suicide,
    Their experience of last days could never end up being more sorrowful than those lives inside Nazi concentration camps.
    So people should be held accountable for pushing them to that extreme.

    And from a person who suffers from the pain of uncontrollable racing thoughts,
    Who is struggling to even focus on the littlest things,
    who you blame their head is not at all there,

    Of the many things he suffer each day
    The best was always the ones about her.

    ©rahoof

  • complicated_prsn 16w

    Personal life is usually destroyed when you are not sure of what professionalism takes from you..

    #bipolar #ptsd #trauma #lonely #weird #sad #angry #ocd

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    I am afraid of me..

    I am not really sure what all personalities I have within and what all dramas I am capable of..
    HJ©complicated_prsn