#sarcasmexcerpts

3 posts
  • clichepenname 19w

    After our brief meow a few weeks ago...we are penitently illuminating the nebulous sagacities that circumambient this rostrum of regurgitated rhymes and allegorical riff-raff....

    Wait wait wait.....hold on to your dictionaries....this wasn’t meant to be Prost...this is just Toe show that we are back.

    Welcome to the turd episode of Toe Cup Productions and here we are trying to focus while a British voice reads out the perks of being a Sapphflower . Today’s episode is titled “Will Bill Thrill “

    Here in the VIP only access area of the jungle guarded by a polygonal fox , where Dr.Bill is prescribing BETA blockers for creatures of lost lands. For those who don’t know , they are medicines that will alleviate problems of the ❤️. It reduces the number of idjit digits that will fill the empty voids with artificial intelligence aiding them.

    As Dr.Bill, the veteran veterinarian who studies creatures of the Mirassic period comes over to us...we dodged heaped piles of poseurs posing with poesies and finally met the Billanthropist himself.

    “Good evening Sir, you don’t need any introduction but for our new viewers sake, can you please introduce yourself ? “

    “Hello everyone, I’m Dr.Bill, a paleo veterinarian who dedicated past few weeks to observe the dinosaurs of the dictionary era. The Thesauruses.”

    “Whoa something just flew over our heads and it smells like rain....” I said as our cameraman focused on a cliché set of lines.

    “Well that’s the Petrisaurus... it smells like rain whenever it flies above you. Also supposedly it stays in hearts of heartbroken men and women. Let’s move on. We have so much to see but can’t do it all today. So we will focus on the 3 most cliché allegorical Thesauruses: The Petrisaur, The Dandelisaur and the most cliché of them all The Zephyrosaur”

    “Are these the three most common Mirassic park Thesauruses? I heard Petworkosaurus is the one who heads these phantasmagorical beings. Is it true?”

    “Well you know as much as I do, they supposedly are a huge fan of Japanese anime though.”

    “What would you do Dr. Bill to improve Mirassic park ? “

    Stroking his imaginary beard he sighs and says
    “Well I don’t think there’s much to do here, since very soon all the dinosaurs get fed up and leave”

    “But Sir, what about the jewellery themed club memebership for exclusive access to Dinosaur battles and artificial intelligence guidance for boosting ❤️ digits”

    “Hahah, an artificial intelligence can only be as intelligent as the one who created it. Well they should know the difference between Diary and Dairy before it shows up on the pamphlet wont they? “

    “That was such a cool interview , Saur,(Sir). Just made a pun . Sorry. I think our viewers have had enough of you and me. How would you like to sign off this interview ?”

    “Hahah I know not to knot myself up with these puns and whooo (a Zephyrosaur just flew by) ...so I will leave you all with the following advise

    Write for the right reasons and for the right people
    Don’t go after digits
    It makes you look like an idjit
    No intelligence other than yours can teach you how to write.
    Practise and as I always say

    “Where there’s a Bill, there’s a pay”

    Before Dr.Bill could say ba dum tss we shut off our camera as Petworkosaurus charged at us and ate Dr.Bill and our cameraman.

    So until next time. Sayonara sheeple.

    PS: These are puns and jokes. They are different from homonyms and homophones.

    PPS: If anyone got offended please go become a Sapphflower.

    PPPS: Zephyrosaurus really exists. Lmai.

    #pun #sarcasmexcerpts

    Read More

    Will Bill Thrill

    I once knew a man named Dr.Bill. Bill is short for William, maybe he had a Bengali friend who called him “Bheel” which later became Bill. Also, Bill is known for his charity and everyone started calling him
    “The Billanthropist”

    Toe Cup productions won’t let something like this go without swindling it like a Sapphire salesmen/saleswomen.

  • clichepenname 24w

    1:21. All of you just for my sake can you repeat it in your head? 1:21.

    Checking my interview notes I glance upon the reviews and just shake my head. “Are we ready to go ? “ I ask the camera man. Instead of giving me a thumbs up, he just makes a butt/upside down hearts with his hands and I frown and roll my eyes as the cheap halo light reflects brightly in my eyes.

    3,2,1....”Good evening, I’m your most hated food reviewer Clichepenname from Toe Cup productions and here we are today regretting for today’s episode of “Where Kno(w)t to eat”. We enter this extraordinary restaurant through an entrance shaped like a sunburnt gluteus maximus. No that’s not the gladiator. Let’s head inside and seek out the owner and head chef”

    Walking past the butt doors I was greeted by an assistant who’s purpose was to welcome everyone. He looked like a 2 dimensional fox for some reason. I asked him “Why does it stink in here?” He just smiled and turned towards the doors and welcomed the next customer.

    As I walked through the poorly decorated interface and namesake website through which no one can do anything from, I glanced at a door well decorated and in the most elegant calligraphy it’s written “Recycle only” . As I smiled and headed towards it a familiar unenthusiastic voice called for me “Where are you going?” . I turned around to see Miss Mia Reek in her upside down heart gown with a hole in the dress that aligned right at her belly button.

    Extending a fist for her to bump I was about to introduce myself but she asked me without listening to my name “Where were you going?” , I pointed to the beautiful calligraphy door and she said “Don’t bother, that’s just our redditors choice. We just recycle a bunch of them. Nothing great. If you have read one, you read them all” and she started laughing like a shepherd who only talks to sheep all day.

    She led me through a couple of namesake arenas and portals through which a chef can audition for prizes and it looked like it was over run by teenagers at a BTS concert.

    “Well Miss Mia Reek, why is your last name so unpleasant? “
    “That’s Coz we know we stink! We use the stalest ingredients from the most cliché recipes to make our food and menu”

    “Well don’t you like to encourage new and upcoming talented chefs? “
    “We do. We do. That’s why we have an unofficial branch that deals with all this. Fighters paperwork. They deal with all the recipes and filter out the tra..I mean talent and choose the ones we like to showcase on our website and app”

    “This post will exceed the attention span of people here Mam. Can we like do the next few questions in a Q&A manner ? “

    Cliché: “What’s your favourite thing to eat or drink here?”

    Miss Reek: “Well it has to be the Prost of the day”

    Cliché: “Can you explain what that is?”

    Miss Reek: “So we like to encourage our talent on here by selecting a bunch of recipes thrown at us by girls and women and very very very rarely men and then display them on my personal blog”

    Cliché: “Prost, it’s like an expression in German before people drink beer, did you come up with that?”

    Miss Reek: “No, we’re not that clever.”

    Cliché: “What would you say the responses have been for your prosts?”

    Miss Reek: “Oh.....my......god, goshh, damnn, thiss, ❤️❤️❤️ and my personal favourite the eye diarrhoea 😭😭😭😭. It’s so bad people actually lose their vocabulary and then go right back to writing their recipes”

    Cliché: “That just seems like people actually don’t read the recipes fully”

    Miss Reek: “Security, we have a leak somewhere. Does anyone know how to make a recipe writer disappear?”

    Cliché: “Woah, woah calm down I was just stating facts.”

    Miss Reek: “It’s not you. It was one of our talented recipe writers leaving us.”

    Cliché: “How are you going to deal with his/her loss?Maybe they’re leaving Coz you’re a hotel that’s too biased on its recipes?”

    Miss Reek: *staring at me intently* “No for every loss of a good talented chef we have a 1000 sheef(p) to take his/her place”

    Cliché: “Last question Mam and I’m super hungry now . If you have one message to your followers, what would it be?”

    Miss Reek: “Doesn’t matter what you write. We rarely read and so do our readers. Just make sure you put a nice looking dp. Btw are you hungry the buffet is about to start serving...”

    Cliché: “No thanks, I have eaten from here before and won’t ever make the mistake again. I got my own lunch”

    Before Miss Reek could say something the camera shuts off and credits start to roll with behind the scenes audio rolling...
    “God this place stinks of rotten recipes...”
    “These people don’t think or read before they comment on the recipe, do they.”

    Well that’s all I have for you today. Sadly due to budget constraints and lack of subscribers we have to end Toe Cup productions with only two episodes and if you or the person next to you is offended by this. Please go to through the calligraphy doors and read “recipe about recipes or recipes about your favourite recipes’ recipe”

    Taking leave,
    Your most hated food reviewer

    Clichepenname

    #sarcasmexcerpts

    Read More

    The extraordinary cuisine at the “Bias of spices” hotel

    Join me in this exclusive interview about recipes and their unending bias on choosing only faux chefs to be showcased on their redditors choice.

    PS: If you’re the kind of chef who ❤️ their own recipe before others even get a whiff or taste of it. Then this interview isn’t for you.