23 posts
  • scaredycat2222 16w

    Soaking wet

    I dipped my toe in you like a pool because I was curious.
    I sunk my foot in ankle deep because you felt so good on my skin I had to know what it would feel like if I went in a little deeper.
    Next thing I knew i was waist deep.
    From my hips down to my feet I became completely submerged in you while my upper half waited above your water.
    Keeping a watchful eye i prepared myself for anything that looked unsafe or even a sound that sounded out of place.
    While I was half engulfed in you I wont deny i was still fearful you would harm me.
    But Before I could stop myself l let myself go and sank beneath the surface.
    I splashed and thrashed and tried to reach for something to grab ahold of to pull myself out
    but all I gather in the palm of my hands were tiny little droplets of you.
    Once I worse myself out I stopped and found myself floating there completely at will.
    Void of any fear, any panic, just you and I completely still.
    I felt a warmth wrap around every inch of my body.
    If felt totally weightless but something was still weighing me down.
    As if I were a feather floating in the wind and an anchor steadily falling to the ground.
    I didnt know if I were floating or sinking.
    I believe now i was sinking.
    I Starred up at the heavenly blue that once baisted the sky and it became harder and harder to see.
    I looked down below and all I could make out was a darkness that seemed to go on forever.
    It gave off this illusion that i would never reach the bottom.
    Everything was completely calm and quiet, it felt like that for an eternity.
    It was eerily peaceful.
    I heard no sounds except for the pounding of my heart in my chest.
    I was warm but had goose bumps all over.
    I needn’t come up for air.
    Not once did I have the urge to gasp for breath.
    My lungs filled with you and you did suffice.
    You supported my body effortlessly as I sank lower and lower into the depths of your belly.
    I had never before felt a peace like that.
    Not even once during my entire life.

  • scaredycat2222 17w


    Im sorry
    if the way
    that I love you is too soft
    My hands were bound with promises made With words that meant
    to break them

    My cries were muffled with sheets twisted in silk
    That mopped up the milk That dripped from a broken cereal bowl
    He threw at the wall
    Right above my body
    where my head broke my fall

    I was naive in hoping for the end when I knew it was just the beginning

    I tried to shut my eyes
    but my world just kept on spinning

    My nails numb to the carpet and
    they just cant stop digging
    I cant claw my way outta here
    I can scream or yell my way out,i fear
    the only thing that stops them is ny blood on their hands
    and im just not bleeding yet

    who knew there could be so much pain inflicted
    with out leaving so much as drop baring witness
    to the wickedness that hid inside.

    who knew I could loose faith
    In everything and still beg for anything other than what he was doing to me right fucking now

    I just dont have the strength to fight back right now

    I vowed
    I would never, ever, ever
    never ever, ever again
    trust another person, lover, or friend
    with even the smallest piece of me thag they could beat, bloody, break or bend

    So im sorry
    If the love I give you seems like a tiny quiet cry that gets carried away
    In a soft summer breeze
    when its compared To the way you can love somebody it looks like you love blindly with the greatest of ease


  • scaredycat2222 17w


    I noticed you look slighted
    if I'm the tiniest bit excited
    I don't know why you feel invited
    To use my weaknesses
    As your strengths
    You like me triggerd
    And feeling frightened
    Like Hell and Earth collided
    like I'm standing
    where evil is residing
    Only a really fucked up person
    Stoops to those lengths
    You come off as cocky
    Almost delighted
    When the trauma
    In Me Is ignited
    You become a monster if indicted
    Every move is a power-play
    When my feelings are recited
    We are instantly divided
    You like you power to be lopsided
    Are you proud when
    you've treated me that way?
    When we met I was misguided
    I wanted love so I decided
    Maybe your ego could be subsided
    But i wont live to see that day.

  • scaredycat2222 17w

    Witch one

    You described me as an enigma
    an illusion if you will
    Did you struggle to wrap your head around my ideas
    I dug in deep
    You gave me chills
    have you ever dreamed of making love to me
    and when you woke up
    You wanted more
    Come and see me
    But don't lose your footing
    Be the object I adore
    Close your eyes tightly
    Before you kiss me
    I won't shut mine
    while I kiss you back
    I'll make your walls crumble
    Ever so slowly
    I want you to fill
    The places where i lack
    Learn the magic that I teach you
    I'll keep you spell down
    Through and through
    What comes next for us
    I will not spoil
    I promise it'll all make sense
    once I'm done with you.

  • scaredycat2222 17w


    How did my Roots get so blunt
    That they can't dig into the ground
    Did you see where i put my willpower
    I'll let you know when my self worth has been found
    I cant remember what i did with my individuality
    Or Who took off my drive to stay alive
    How can anyone say this is a life that's worth living
    When the better parts of myself already died

  • scaredycat2222 17w

    Close the door you're letting the heat out

    I prefer to be alone here
    Shut inside my safe cocoon
    I'm really not one for conversations
    I stop giving a fuck
    about being understood
    You see my walls
    They're tall and sturdy
    And my door locks from the inside there are no windows
    to be raped by sunlight
    It's the perfect place for me to hide
    I used to come here
    when life got heavy
    It's always been my only reprieve but lately I spend all my time here
    I just can't bring myself to leave
    it's not like anyone
    will come by looking
    Nobody's knocking on my door perhaps I'll lock myself
    inside forever
    Maybe, i won't go home anymore

  • scaredycat2222 20w


    I dont want to be censored
    I don't want to be judged
    I don't want to be criticized for be out late and getting mugged
    I dont want you to hurt me
    I really cannot take much more hurt
    I really can't take much more of anything
    Im sorry i got mascara on your shirt
    I don't know exactly what im doing
    I don't know exactly where to go
    I dont know what it is you expect that you will get from me
    Im sure you tell me the moment that you know
    Ive always wanted to be accepted
    For all the fucked up fuckery ive grown to be
    Ive always wanted to be able to be called good
    I always knew shit wouldnt get better for me
    I wish i hadnt told you i was suicidal
    I widh i hadnt told you i used to get beat
    I wish i didnt have these secrets to share with you to begin with
    I thought if i got them out theyd somehow feel unwanted and finally leave
    I wish i didnt raise my voice when i get angry
    I wish you asked questions so you could better get to know me
    I wish i knew how to keep my fucking mouth shut
    Cause maybe then you wouldnt be so fucking angry at me
    I wish i could turn back time knowing the things i know today
    I wish i could find the younger me with a warning of whats coming her way
    Maybe if i wasnt so mangled and damaged
    Maybe if i wasnt so worn the fuck out
    Maybe then i could stop planning for my exit
    Maybe then i could find the peace everyones talking about

  • scaredycat2222 20w

    10th & Michigan

    I cant quite get him to release his grip
    I cant fucking breathe
    Are you trying to kill me?
    Wtf was that.
    Whys he calling me
    Oh god I cant answer
    I have to answer or hell be angry
    Hes at the door
    Hes singing
    Oh ok hes super sorry
    He wants to cuddle
    We made up
    I have to be careful not to wake him
    Im terrified to wake him
    Fuck I woke him up
    Im sorry
    I didn’t mean to
    U don’t have to do that
    Im sorry
    I didn’t mean to
    Youre right
    Im awful
    The worst girlfriend ever
    You deserve better baby
    Much better than me
    U want to cuddle
    Let’s make up
    Fuck it feels good when he touches me
    And kiss me
    And loves me
    Oh my god hes amazing when he is amazing
    I can do better
    I cant loose him
    I can be a good girlfriend
    I didn’t say anything
    I swear didn’t
    Please stop
    U just said
    Im sorry youre right
    Im sorry
    I promise
    Youth right
    No I swear baby you’re right
    Im shit
    Im fucking trash
    I love u too baby
    Im gonna sleep
    I will answer
    I promise
    I love u too
    Im sorry I was in the shower
    The phone was on vibrate
    Please don’t u don’t have to
    I get it
    I swear
    No no no
    Wtf wtf wtf wtf what the fuck!!
    God dammit
    Crying wont get you anywhere
    I dont know what to do with what im feeling inside
    I dont like what im feeling inside
    Its too much
    Im suffocating
    I need it out if me
    God get it out of me
    Do something
    You have to do something
    That’s That’s much better
    Numb is much better
    Hi love
    How was your day
    Oh what happened
    Im sorry
    Im sorry
    Im sorry
    Im sorry
    Youre right!
    Its me!
    My fault!
    Im sorry!
    Im sorry baby.

  • scaredycat2222 22w


    Play with me like an acoustic guitar till your fingers snap one of my strings
    Glare at me with your eyes open painfully wide
    While simply out of spite youre refusing to blink
    Grab a fist full of my ponytail
    And pull harder and harder till i cant take it anymore and a let out a squeek

  • scaredycat2222 22w


    It's like i can feel you anxiously waiting for the moment
    i decide that ive had just about enough of this waiting on you, and decide that im not going to spend my days wedged in between being patient and quieting my aching heart that wont stop crying cause its grown tired of longing for someone who is completely content, happy even, with missing someone they know damn well is not content and is very unhappy missing them.
    If i wanted to suffocate in this lonley and ice cold room where my lips have been neglected so long theyve become frost bitten by the icy words i scream into my pillowceach night half hoping you'll hear them and bgg the other half wishing my brain will finally fucking listen to my tongue and leave your sorry ass who i know is only playing games. Who is only allowing me to slip into your world when you feel me slipping away. Amd who i know isnt going to fullfill me because you dont fullfill anyone but your own selfish needs while issuing future faking promises of a brillant future where some day, soon you always promise itll be just nnb you and me, if i just hold on a little bit longer. Have just a little more patience and have just a little of hope.
    What kind of a dumb fuck do you mistake me for?

  • scaredycat2222 26w


    Mysterious, dark and deep
    Bluer than the sky above
    Blacker than the blackest of black any damned soul could ever hope to become
    Only lightening can shed light on its surface
    But only for a moment
    Those moments came and went fiercely with a crack of the devils whip
    A flash of an acid trip
    A squeeze of an angered mans grip
    You are the ocean and its waves
    And i want to drown myself in you
    Relinquish to you my last dy in ng breath
    Loose in you all that i aquired to make me who i am
    Who i was
    Who i ever accepted i would be
    Toss me around with each wind gust that accelerates your waves
    My body, no longer needed, lost in you with time, envelope me in my grave.
    Protect my flesh from the sun and moons violating rays
    Only a beating heart needs sunlight to see, in you i welcome all that is night. I need no eyes, i can no longer see.
    Ive become one with you and you became one with me.

  • scaredycat2222 10w


    Will you scratch past my surface
    And whittle deep down
    past my skin into my bones
    Will you taste the tips of my finger after i trace the indentations
    Left caressly by the one who came before me.
    Your chest heavy with failed love after failed love
    after spoiled plan.
    Can i watch you love me
    Place a mirror above me
    Curiosity splayed across my face
    As I study you,
    I lay contently melting in your arms.
    Hips wide open,
    Hands sliding,
    And lips swollen.
    I can only make out the
    Back of your head
    You fell asleep on your Belly again,
    Your face burried in the bed.
    As good as it was,
    Or as good as it has
    the potential to be.
    I cant help aching and waiting to see it all.
    If you pin my hands behind my back
    How am I supposee to catch myself when I fall.
    Just dont tell me we're forever
    Then tonight promise another that you'll call.
    Dont tell me that I'd be crazy not to trust you
    while you have to search somewhere in your brain when were mid conversation tomorrow morning
    and its come time to say my name.
    I hope you washed what's left of her off you, for fucks sake,
    I hope you used soap to make it easier for her to slip down the drain.
    Dont kiss me on Sunday
    with your dirty tongue and
    that bitches spit
    still sloshing around in your mouth.
    And give up trying to lie,
    I know you think I'm stupid,
    I know for a while already what you're about.

  • scaredycat2222 27w


    You want your love to be enough to get me to put my pipe down.
    I wany your love to be enough to make the voices in my head get quiet and pipe down.
    You want my heart to open its arms and squeeze you so tight you feel like it will never let you go
    I want my heart to magically repair itself and stop being tiny little shards that i kick about everytime the broom brushes them to and frow.
    You want to hear the words i love you come from my lips said in my voice in to your ears so you can make sure i mean them.
    I want you to accept that i am not capable of doing the things you expect of me except for wanting to be right for you, except for wanting to want you as much as you want me
    Except for hoping that the fucked up shit that was done to me doesnt make you believe theres something wrong with me
    I accept that you expect to be able to accept me for me.
    Be patient and i promise we can live happily.
    New places, new faces, you said you want babies, maybe with these changes i can loose the crutches that keep me steady and i can be steady on my own and you steady on your own.
    But its hard.
    Its terrifying and its fucking hard.
    So forgive me for being a little quiet sometimes. Forgive me for looking a little tierd somtimes.
    Forgive me for needing you more than you may need me to be fine sometimes.
    I do believe that i love you, but i dont know how to make myself feel okay with letting you know that i do.
    I do want all the things you want and i know that one day i can be perfect for you.
    I know you said you dont have patience but i have ebough for both me and you.
    You just have to acccept it as my gift for allowing me to have something up ahead to look forward to.

  • scaredycat 28w

    Jabber Jaws

    Hold your breath
    Kick your feet up
    Let your gums flap
    Self In criminate
    No one's watching you,
    Not need to dry your eyes.
    Prying eyes may they be blinded
    By a sun
    so bright your beaming with love and with pridefulness
    That will kill you faster than a car crash or a plane crash or
    a shot gun blast to the Head
    out west where the weather's best, actually it's the best of the best,
    better than all the rest of the states of mind that bind you to this hell you call your home
    Sweet home is never a home unless you can appriceate being alone in this world
    And it is a lonely place to be
    Except when it's our home and we're there together just you and I I sure did love to love you,
    Or maybe I loved just loving someone who knows me better than I could ever know myself
    Could I be enough for someone like you
    you know what I mean you know where I've been and what I've seen I've seen it all at the end of the day cause you make my days worth it at least that's what I want to say.

  • scaredycat2222 29w

    Room with a view

    I really want to knock your ass off your high horse
    I want to kick the pegs out from under your legs
    and bring you back down to where you were when i found you
    The first time er met.
    Its been such a long time,
    And heaven knows id hate for you to forget.
    I busted my ass so you could have enough time in the day to waste on climbing high.
    you would hardly recognise me as the that woman I was.
    From where you were perched
    I propably looked more like
    a spec of dust.
    While you were up there, enjoying that beautiful and undeserved view
    You stomped on me like some ant cause I no longer
    meant shit to you .
    No effort.
    No compassion.
    No thoughtfulness.
    No thanks.
    I gave ebough for the both of us except it wasn’t divided equally
    you took it all for yourseld
    on advance.
    I became irrelevant.
    I had little to no value.
    And became useless to you.
    Once you found someone else who could get you higher
    than i was able to.
    You Used my back and my head to give you a boost up.
    Then Bitched at me and said it was my fault when it wasn’t high enough.
    Ive heard many, many times
    that what goes up
    must come down.
    I just pray to God
    when that day comes
    Im there to witness
    Your ass hit the ground.

  • scaredycat2222 29w


    I unearthed my roots for you.
    Tangled mess, after tangled mess, of twisted, matted, uninterrupted and intertwined anchors yanked out of the dirt.
    My eyes skwinted when the pale, never been sunkissed tips were accosted by the warm rays of your blazing summer sun.
    Exauhsted, curious and eager to see what came after that arduous task was at last, over and done.
    I was a newcomer in your land.
    A clandestine in your forgein world that seemed like it was light years away from the home where i grew up to be.
    Reassured only by your words that echoed in yout promises that your world was alot like my world and everyone that you know would soon love me.
    You spent more time examining my splinters than exploring my fruit.
    They would soon wither, then turn bitter.
    You completely lost your chance to enjoy them in their youth.
    You hacked at my trunk with an unsharpened axe.
    You carved yours and anothers initials incased in a heart centered into my back.
    You shook my branches untill they bore only a couple lonley leaves.
    Then used my peices as fire kindling, turned me into ash to be blown away in the breeze.

  • scaredycat2222 29w


    There's never been room for my fight on your battlefield.
    No spot to wage war on your battlefield.
    There's no surrendering flags on your battlefield.
    No keeping the peace on your battlefield.
    Theres no victorys or wins on your battlefield.
    No weapons to cease on your battlefeild.
    Theres no feeling at ease on your battlefield.
    Only dying and defeat on your battlefield.

  • scaredycat2222 29w

    Better tie your shoe laces

    The epidemy of a con artist
    Your picture should be posted next the word "Liar" in the Mariam Websters dictionary.
    It wouldve been helpful had you come with a warning label.
    Potentialy hazardous to your health and pocket book.
    Do not expect honesty, loyalty, generosity, sympathy, or any other actions a good hearted human being typically comes with.
    May use you for everything you got then take off as soon as someone who is wiling or able to give more, comes along.
    Do not get attatched.
    Do not fall in love.
    Use extreme caution if participating in any form of sexual activty with the person.
    They can and will fuck your life up and will not show remourse or take accountability for their actions.
    Had i known that list of traits you came equipped with i would have used more caution with you
    or not have proceeded with you at all.
    The latter being the better option of the two.
    But you did not come with any warning label.
    You did not come with any sign stating your intentions or flaws.
    I wasnt able to go on the internet, look your name up and read any reviews.
    I really, really do wish i could have before allowing you to waltz into my life and leave once you have broken down every wall i had constructed over the last 35 years and then set the requirements higher than they had every been before.
    Now i can barley afford to replace what you dismantled.
    Let alone cover the costs it now takes to meet the new standards.
    You left me vulnerable and weak.
    You took my identity with you and my ability to speak.
    You stole what i felt confident was safe within your grasp.
    You lied when you said i could trust you
    And lied again when you said our connection would last.
    You blammed me for being naive.
    And blammed me for being blind.
    You blammed me for being stupid enough to accepy you for who you said you were and not waiting to see what id find.

  • scaredycat2222 30w


    Promises, baby, promises.
    Sugary sweet nothings generously poured into my ears.
    Cuddles and kisses and fogged up windshields.
    Never been more sure of anyone, untill you, my dear.
    Smiles go missing with the grand romantic guestures.
    One day a door swung and hit me cause he let it go.
    He became so busy he couldn't see me untill the wekeends.
    But needed to spend his weekends catching up on chores.
    Hed didnt call after work like he always used to
    He treated me like i wasn't a priority anymore.
    When he Finally found a little time to come and see me.
    His eyes were glued to his cell phone cause i guess i made him bored..
    Obvious questions were met with obvious answers.
    Feelings expressed were misunderstood.
    When i checked for butterflies they were al gone.
    I thought that love would last forever.
    I was wrong.

  • scaredycat 32w

    Whittier Narrows

    Because you are so God damn good to look at,
    I except the pain your wounds inflicted.
    If you weren't so f****** beautiful my love would've been a little bit more restricted.
    It's been hard.
    Days without your face are a little less comfortable and nights without your embrace our hell of a lot more cold.
    I sold myself to the devil when I fell in love with you and knew he offerd no returns.
    You regret me, or so you said,
    Im too hard headed to regret you, but if given the chance to given the chance to win your love back or die,
    I'd without a doubt be dead.
    I cried more tears than I ever thought I'd cry.
    I've spent three years passing between love and hate and sad and mad and glad your gone
    but mad you left
    and sad you didn't want to keep loving me the way you promise you would.
    And angry that you lied
    when I lied to myself that you would never stop loving me
    then finding out that yes
    You actually could.
    I should just forget I ever knew you but do you have any idea how hard it is to forget the face
    i dread the day I run into.
    Im sure you havent the slightest clue.
    Your love didn't run deep within your soul like mine does.
    I mean did.
    Your passion for me was fleeting when mine was solid.
    Your devotion to me
    was based on what I could
    and would do for you
    Not everything I did do for you.
    And you certainly didn't waste your time thinking about how you should've spent even a little bit of effort putting your hands back in your own pockets
    and thinking of ways
    To thank me for being there for you
    when your homies forgot about you the moment
    you were out of their sight.
    and I, who barely knew you
    never turned my back
    and would even drive for hours to see you at your request
    or spend hours on the phone keeping you entertained or comforting you
    and being exhausted the next day because I got no sleep cause
    I was on the phone with you,
    Again, all night.
    But it's alright.
    I Can't fight
    if there's no one to fight for.
    Your memory
    wages wars in my head
    And wins battles in my heart.
    Apart from the pain I withstand from that,
    I guess you can say im doing alright.