I don't know if that sounds sad or poetic or unreal but I felt the child in me died in the recent past ( or is under heavy sedation pribably) . I stopped wishing, I stopped dreaming but I never stopped living or whirling in my thoughts. Someone asked me to write about the good things of my year. I would rather write the unfiltered stuff. A lot happened: rejections, failures, workplace chaos, challenges I thought I may never overcome but surprisingly after all this I became more resilient, more indifferent to people's opinions, more oblivious to what I am expected to become, more educated to confront. I developed a habit of having lowest or NO EXPECTATIONS from everyone around. I don't chase people now and I don't stop for everyone coming after me either to run along ( tires me to run in multiple directions ♀️ ) It was important to learn that in order to not feel the suffering of being left behind, or to not complain about the 'world so unkind' I should remember that I HAVE MY OWN PACE TO MAINTAIN and my own tasks to fulfil. Honestly my year wasn't devoid of good or bad times. I stayed more close to nature ( thanks to covid) and people who could appreciate my being me more than those who try to bring changes in me forcibly In my leisure time I painted, I cooked, I captured, I wrote and wasted away so many hours but more than all that I responsibly and meticulously responded to every call of duty.
A part of me still watches me from past and tells me it's unbelievable that you did what seemed quiet impossible. This makes me a little proud that I deceived few of my fears successfully ( oh there are plenty more ) So I don't have great achievements to mention nor any tales of tragedies to write but I found strength within small moments of weakness and gathered pieces of hope from the places of loss. Uptil now I learned that this is the real picture of life: To fall continuously and to get up like you never knew any fall. To look at the night sky but to focus on the stars. To sleep in tears and smile along a new dawn. To be brave when everything seems impossibly hard. To live and breathe 'despite it all'.