fatty_07

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Started from 6th June ��

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  • fatty_07 1w

    And the day
    You'll need love,
    You'll find yourself
    In the crowd.

    ~Fatty.

  • fatty_07 1w

    "you're okay"

    Everything feels heavy,
    My heart wants
    To keep fighting.
    But I can't do it
    Anymore..

    If you're not crying,
    You're okay ~
    Is what they say.

    We keep hurt,
    But endure it silently..
    And the pain
    keeps increasing.

    _Fatty.

  • fatty_07 1w

    You make me
    Hate this city.

    ~Fatty.

  • fatty_07 1w

    This Rain

    I love the silence
    after rain..
    The blues gone gray
    And the browns gone gray
    And yellow
    A terrible sky.
    In the cold streets
    Your warm body.
    In whatever room
    Your warm body.
    Among all the people
    Your absence
    The people who are always
    Not you..

    ~Fatty.

  • fatty_07 2w

    Can I paint myself?

    My mother asked me
    what I do for thirty-five minutes
    in the shower.
    I told her that I was arranging
    the shampoo bottles in decreasing order
    of volume left.
    I told her that
    I was watching a spider make webs.

    I don't tell her that
    it was fifteen minutes
    of actual showering
    and twenty minutes of trying not
    to hate myself.
    To look at the mirror and find one bone,
    one part of my body that I could cherish.
    Thirty-five minutes of asking myself
    to wash my dirt away
    and truly make me clean.
    I hide my ruined edges under layers
    of cloth and paint my curves
    and corners not realizing
    that I'm not made of wood or plastic.
    I'm flesh and blood.
    And if I choose to paint
    my flesh deep enough,
    then I could draw the blood.

    My friend asked me
    to pick deeper within myself
    to find what I love and what loves me.
    So I spend thirty-five minutes,
    pricking - tearing at my skin
    to portray a new flesh and make up a new body.
    Can I reconstruct myself into
    a perfect cast that would fit better.
    There was something repression
    my throat and when I pulled it out,
    It was my own voice.
    But I bite my tongue so grimly
    that the words shatter.
    That the mask I wear has sad eyes
    but nice smile.
    I told her I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine..
    I've been fine for as long as I can reflect.
    Nothing breaks me I'm unbeatable.I'm
    fine, I'm fine, I'm fine..
    And that I'm fine.
    The word fine would kill me one day.

    ~I'm (not) fine.

  • fatty_07 2w

    //A Demon Once Told Me//

    You once told me,
    its okay to care about yourself.
    It's okay to want your own happiness.
    It's okay to spend lots of time alone
    and staring at sky.
    When someone hits you,
    it's okay not to hit them back.
    It's okay.

    You once told me
    To be careful
    When trying to fix
    A broken heart,
    For me, I may
    Cut myself on
    Their broken pieces.
    You're not obligated
    to sit there and smile
    and devour every drop of poison
    that they give you.
    You're not their shiny princess.
    You're human and you've the right
    to say 'that was shitty of you.
    ' You've a right to say
    'lemme feed that back to you;
    tell me, how does it taste?'
    You've a right to protest
    your own set boundaries
    for respectful interactions.

    You once told me
    you wanted to find yourself
    in the world,
    and I told you to first apply within,
    to discover the world within you.

    You once told me
    you wanted to save the world
    from all its wars,
    and I told you to first save yourself
    from the world,
    and all the wars you put yourself through.
    The rest of the world does not realize
    you've this right
    and they will act offended
    when you exercise it,

    But it is yours.

    ~Fatty

  • fatty_07 3w

    "Story of my life" by One Direction ✨
    Yeah, I love this song ��❤️

    #nostalgic #aesthetic #wod #pod
    @miraquill @writersnetwork @shrutitripathi @_the_disguised_scribbler_

    And love love //��

    Read More

    Story of my life

    The times you lived through,
    the people you shared
    those times with — nothing brings it all
    to life like an old mix tape.
    It does a better job
    of storing up memories
    than actual brain tissue can do.
    Every mix tape tells a story.
    Put them together,
    and they can add up
    to the story of a life.

    © Fatty

  • fatty_07 3w

    Why is there this hurricane
    of emotions within me?
    Why do you not meet me
    on the stars of memories?
    Why do you not illuminate
    my town called heart by completing
    the incomplete moments?
    Why do you not adorn the silence inside
    of me with with your whispers?

    Now my eyes close only
    when they feel suffocated by my sobs.
    They shed too many tears..
    Each breath inhales
    too many regrets.
    Each silence hums too many questions.
    Each tear floods too many complaints.

    Why don't you run your fingers
    over my scratched soul?
    Then you'll know how many bruises,
    how many cracks you're responsible for.
    You'll see that how much my heart is empty.

    Sometimes I wonder
    how my heart can be so empty
    while my brain is so full.
    Why can I not equate
    my feelings and thoughts?

    I've lost track of time.
    So I pass my time counting my breath.
    It takes too much time to come.
    It reminds me the day
    when I'm crying breathlessly
    and I'm too near to die.

    There I sit, working whole night,
    gathering the pieces and fixing the puzzle
    of my heart. I fix myself time
    and again temporarily.
    It looks like a perfect piece of art.

    I'm fading into nothingness.
    I'm becoming invisible.
    So this pain would be unable to find me.
    So done it is. The deal has been fixed.

    In this time, I'm watching the episodes,
    I'm watching everything on replay
    at a slow pace.I'm watching ~the shades of darkness... the sleepless night... the butterflies that
    I can't can't feel... the crowd of thoughts... the fixing puzzle...the fixed Smile... the counting of dots...the seashore...the soaked thoughts...the endless love and the fake love you gave me...

    Each unfolding episode,
    a piece of my soul to escape
    and fly to its ultimate destination - a place far far away from those suffocated people,
    where the stars will fulfill their wishes without falling,where nothing will be broken.

    It was such a bittersweet pleasure
    to know you like cigarettes dipped in the honey jar, like grey weeds grown among the lavender,
    like smoke mixed with fresh earth.

    ~Fading as I'm writing, i was. But now I'm not.
    Maybe this is my last writing...

    @miraquill @writersnetwork @sampurna33 @shrutitripathi @_the_disguised_scribbler_

    And love love //��❤️

    Read More

    Trying not to get hurt
    by my own thoughts.

    © Fatty.

  • fatty_07 3w

    Direction

    Bright colours in the west,
    giant butterflies dancing
    as night crept like a cripple
    toward the east.

    ~Fatty.

  • fatty_07 4w

    It’s times like this…. when it’s over
    a year later and I’m still crying
    over you that I want to turn to you and say: See…. This is why I asked you never to
    kiss me.

    The last time I felt alive – I was looking into your eyes.
    Breathing your air…. touching your skin…
    … Saying goodbye….
    The last time I felt alive….
    I was dying.

    I raised you so high that every other man on earth is now doomed to live in your shadow.

    I would have followed you to hell and back... if only you'd lead me back.

    I have poured my heart out ….
    And now I am empty.

    Your smile and your laughter lit
    my whole world.

    The only place I ever felt at home was with you. There isn’t a place for me anywhere anymore… I’ve been evicted.

    I try to do something positive – I socialise more…
    But deep down I know the truth.
    An entire world of people can never replace the one that I’ve lost.

    Though it’s reasons to burn may vary... you are always the fuel of my fire.

    Every quote, every book,
    every film seemed to suggest
    that ‘one day’ someone would come
    into my life and love me with an intensity
    and a passion I had never experienced before.
    And to their credit they were right; It all came and went so fast it really did feel
    as if it were just ‘one day’....

    He looked at me like
    I was the stars when
    all I’d ever felt like was
    the dark nothingness between them.

    My heart’s been empty
    since you left - but still
    I refuse to put up a vacancy sign.
    I’m just not ready for anybody else to
    move in yet.

    Though life has fated that
    we never cross paths again,
    don’t ever feel alone.
    For we are parallel …. and I will always
    be by your side.

    It’s funny how
    we say a person ‘made’ us
    when they actually broke us.
    Sort of like how I say ‘funny’...
    but I actually mean sad.

    It’s the intricate details you miss the most.
    For me, it’s the soft lines around the eyes when he smiles… Or that look he gave me sometimes that I cannot begin to describe - but I would know it if I saw it again.
    It was the look that gave him away.
    I’d know that look anywhere…
    It used to be my everything.

    They say “Follow your heart”….
    …. But I can’t follow you where you’re going…

    Like so many others my story begins with that same old line…. ‘So anyway, there was this guy….’ Until one day…. there wasn’t.
    And nothing was ever the same after that….

    I’d never dreamed anybody could love me the way he did. And even when he proved it to me time and again – I still could hardly believe it was true.

    They say the truth hurts. And these words hurt more than any I have ever written. But they are the truth – The cold, hard, undeniable truth.
    Not letting go doesn’t keep him with you.
    It’s still over. He’s still gone.
    … And nothing will ever change that.

    Perhaps I was easier to shake off for you because you’re such a together person. I was just an extra layer on the outside… like a blanket you could shrug off and feel just the same…. except maybe a little colder….
    But I was always a broken person that was haphazardly held together by little more than my own strength. And so you just seeped in the cracks and mingled with my insides until you became an inseparable part of me. And as painful as that is, it still kind of warms me to know I will always carry a part of you with me.

    In a way, it was the same as any normal break up. You took what was yours …. and I kept what I’d had from before we were together…
    You took my heart …. and I had nothing…

    It is the deepest of wrongs I am driven to write…. And losing you was one of them.

    I write what I love.
    I will not stop – even when my hand hurts….
    …. because I cannot stop – even though my heart hurts….

    How I wish I could undo it all … take it all back…
    All those years I spent unhappy with him …. when I should have been looking for you.

    You can miss places. You can miss people.
    Just know that what you’re really missing is the way things were. And even if you could go there again…. see them again…. you can’t
    go back.
    They’re not the same.
    You’re not the same.
    The loss of them changed you.

    Our parting was like a stalemate….
    Neither of us won. Yet both of us lost.
    And worse still … that unshakable feeling that nothing was ever really finished.

    Though I never really had you….
    … to me you will always be the one that got away.

    It’s just never going to get any easier is it.
    It’s never going away, this missing you.
    It’s going to become a sadness I incorporate into myself – along with all the other sadnesses – and quietly carry around with me forever…

    I don’t think you ever really understood….
    …. All the love I had in the world went to you.

    I need to stop running back to you in my mind all the time.

    You’re everything to me.
    But at best, I’m just a memory to you.

    When I was with him suddenly I wasn’t this broken person anymore.
    I was just me.
    I was whole again.
    I was just a person – like everyone else.

    I still think of you every day.
    But I’m trying not to let it hurt me with the same intensity that it used to.

    It hurts that I was just one page in the book of your life…
    But what hurts more is knowing you’ll revise that chapter someday….
    ….. and you’ll erase me completely.

    How do you love someone and just… walk away? Just like that.
    You just, go on as normal…. You get up, get dressed, go to work… How can you do that?
    How can you be okay with that?

    There’s only ever been one person I’ve looked at and thought…
    ‘I could quite easily spend the entire rest of my life with that man’.
    And sooner or later I need to accept that he’s spending it with somebody else.

    How many times did we pass each other before we met? If only I’d known…. I would have searched for you endlessly.
    If only I’d found you before it was already too late.

    With you in my life I felt like I could conquer anything.
    It was as if I was on top of the world and even the stars themselves were just within my grasp.
    But without you …. even getting through the day is hard.

    You made me feel worthwhile…. like for once it mattered if I was here or not because I actually meant something to someone…. because I meant something to you. I miss that feeling.

    Im gonna be a pretender the rest of my life. Pretending i dont wish every girl i kiss isnt you.Pretend its not you i want to spend the rest of my life with. Everything will be a lie the rest of my life. Thats so hard to accept...


    I meant skies
    All empty aching blue.
    I meant years.
    I meant all of them with you.


    Je t'aime ~ I love you.
    Tu me manques ~I miss you.

    #miss #wod
    @miraquill @writersnetwork @shrutitripathi @_the_disguised_scribbler_ @sampurna33

    And love love //����

    I just can't make it short,, sorry guys.. (;´༎ຶٹ༎ຶ`)

    Read More

    //Tu Me Manques//

    …the sad part is,
    that I will probably end up
    loving you without you
    for much longer
    than I loved you when I knew you.
    Some people might find that strange.
    But the truth of it is that the amount of love you feel for someone and the impact they have on you as a person,
    is in no way relative
    to the amount of time
    you have known them.

    Your memory feels like home to me.
    So whenever my mind wanders,
    it always finds it’s way back to you.

    There is an ocean of silence between us…
    and I am drowning in it.

    If you cannot hold me in your arms,
    then hold my memory in high regard.
    And if I cannot be in your life,
    then at least let me live in your heart.

    If you’re searching for a quote that puts your feelings into words – you won’t find it.
    You can learn every language and read every word ever written – but you’ll never find what’s in your heart.
    How can you?
    He has it.

    When you experience loss,
    people say you’ll move through
    the 5 stages of grief….
    Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance
    ….. What they don’t tell you is
    that you’ll cycle through them all
    every day.

    I think perhaps I will always
    hold a candle for you – even until
    it burns my hand.
    And when the light has long
    since gone …. I will be there
    in the darkness holding what remains,
    quite simply because I cannot let go.

    It’s painful, loving someone from afar.
    Watching them – from the outside.
    The once familiar elements of their life reduced to nothing more than occasional mentions in conversations and faces changing in photographs…..
    They exist to you now
    as nothing more than living proof that something can still hurt you …
    with no contact at all.

    I had someone once
    who made every day mean something.
    And now…. I am lost….
    And nothing means anything anymore.

    ..
    I miss that feeling of connection.
    Knowing he was out there somewhere thinking about me at the same time I was thinking about him.

    He was both everything I could ever want…
    And nothing I could ever have…

    Though these words will never find you,
    I hope that you knew I was thinking of you today….. and that I was wishing you every happiness.
    Love Always,
    The girl you loved once.

    It’s difficult for me to imagine
    the rest of my life without you.
    But I suppose I don’t have
    to imagine it... I just have to live it.

    I didn’t love you to seek revenge.
    I didn’t love you out of loneliness or unhappiness.
    I didn’t love you for any of the misguided reasons that time might convince you I did.
    '...
    because you’re you.

    ~ .