haileyoneal

I am just a girl who has been through a lot & the only way that I could cope with everything was through writing.

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  • haileyoneal 14w

    I just don't understand..

    I just don't understand. I don't understand how things went from being so good between us to being so toxic. I don't understand how someone who I considered not only my boyfriend, but also my best friend could have now turned into nothing more than a complete stranger to me. I just don't understand. I don't understand how you could hurt someone you claim to love "so much".. Or how you could only continue to break the heart of the girl you promised a "forever" with. You know, the girl you said you would cherish for eternity? I just don't understand. I don't understand how you can refuse to let me go when I'm not strong enough to walk away on my own. I don't understand how you can make me feel so loved one minute, but then make me feel so little the next. I just don't understand..
    ©haileyoneal

  • haileyoneal 16w

    The good doesn't outweigh the bad.. anymore

    The good doesn’t outweigh the bad anymore. I have been put through so much hell. I have fought so hard. I just feel like we both have been wasting our time. I hate to say it. But I hate keeping these feelings built up inside even more. I don’t know who you are sometimes. I can’t stand the guy you become on & off. I planned a future with you. & for what? To now not even be able to see one with you anymore? I can’t picture my future without you, but I can’t see one with you anymore either. You don't realize how much I am hurting inside.
    ©haileyoneal

  • haileyoneal 16w



    I am tired of being ignored and made to feel if what I have to say is unimportant. It is not fair to me, but you don’t care. Why would you? You only seem to want to acknowledge me when it is convenient for you. Wow, what a fucking surprise there. Huh? I guess you can just say that this is me venting. I rather put all of my current thoughts and feelings on paper, rather than lash out of anger and start a ridiculous argument that I can never seem to possibly really win..
    ©haileyoneal

  • haileyoneal 16w

    Part of me loves you, part of me hates you..

    You claim you love me, but yet still manage to find a way to make me feel unlovable.. Unwanted. How is it fair? You only do certain things when you want to and when its convenient for you. What about me? What about my wants or needs? The other night when you decided to “vent” as you call it, well I call it you just yelling & projecting everything on to me.. The other night changed a lot of things in my heart for you. I don’t look at you the same. You made me feel guilty for feeling things in general. You blamed me. You yelled at me. You hurt me. So since that day I really have been trying not to let my emotions show. I’ve been trying not to be clingy or want your attention and affection. But you haven’t even noticed, have you? Part of me hates you. Part of me still loves you. All of me hates myself. I am in a constant battle in my mind.
    ©haileyoneal

  • haileyoneal 16w

    First love, first heart break

    I was finally starting to get my life together.. Again. I was in a good place. That was until you decided to show back up into my life just out of the blue. After all the hurt you've caused me you dare to show back up and claim that you still care? But I am jumping ahead of myself. If I am going to tell you this story, my story.. Then I need to start from the beginning. I was only fourteen at the time, you were only sixteen. I wasn’t used to all of the attention you were giving me at the time. I didn’t know what it felt like to have someone actually care about me. I had just gotten out of a deep depression right before I found you. You ended up being my reason for everything. The reason why I had a smile on my face, the reason why I was still alive. When all else failed I knew I still had you. That was until you decided to break my heart. Yes, you were my first love. But you were also my first heartbreak.
    ©haileyoneal

  • haileyoneal 16w

    Everything you have to offer❤

    I thought I knew what true love was, I thought I had been in love before. It wasn’t until meeting you that I realized that I was clueless before, you always left me wanting more. More of your love, more of your compassion, more of everything that you have to offer.
    ©haileyoneal

  • haileyoneal 20w

    You

    You make my life better each and every day.
    Without you, I wouldn’t be the same.
    You love me for me.
    And due to that you have helped me see that you are the one for me.
    When times get tough, I feel as if I have had enough.
    But through it all you are always gonna be the one I know I can call.
    ©haileyoneal

  • haileyoneal 20w

    I finally reached my breaking point..

    I can't forgive someone who has made the same mistakes numerous times. Someone who can look me in the eyes, but yet still lie. I don't understand why you had to do what you did. You failed to stop & think about how much it would hurt me. You knew what you were doing was wrong. You knew it all along. There is no excuse you can now try to use. Is this all game, just some kind of muse? You said you were sorry, that you wouldn't do it again. But it's always the same old story from beginning to end. I try to forgive and forget. But how can I when it takes you so long to even admit? Admit your wrongs, but yet you can never seem to make things right. Day & night. The negative thoughts never stop. You have taken me for granted, mentally & emotionally abused. But then again what did you really have to lose? Me. You never thought I would ever really leave. You thought you were a need for me. I have finally reached my breaking point.
    ©haileyoneal

  • haileyoneal 20w



    When you came into my life I was in a dark place, I went through things that because of them I will never be the same. But the first time you held me in your arms I knew then.. that maybe, just maybe I’d actually be ok. You made me feel safe, protected.. And that was new for me because most of my life I was just used to feeling rejected. You took your time and now I am so grateful to be able to call you mine. I can’t imagine life without you and honestly I never want to. There are not enough words to help me express how important you are to me. Can’t you see? You're not just a want, you're a need.. I need you in my life, I want nothing more, but to one day be your wife.
    ©haileyoneal

  • haileyoneal 20w

    When you left..

    When you left my whole world turned completely upside down, from there I was hell bound. Losing you all happened so fast, now I am just trying to mask.. Mask all of my pain and heartache. It can just be too much to take, everyday I am having to fight just so I don't break. I wish I could have got to say goodbye, why did God have to let you die? I know it's not fair to blame or question. I don't mean to be selfish, I am just trying to process. When we laid you to rest I really thought then it would finally seem real, but honestly I still don't know how to deal. You were the person I talked to the most, now when I try to talk to you it just looks like I am talking to a ghost. If I am being honest the time we spent together was often taken for granted, please believe me when I say I do truly regret it. If only I could go back, then maybe everytime I think of you I wouldn't feel so close to almost having a panic attack..
    ©haileyoneal