we're gonna need a bigger boat...

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  • helpshark 76w

    The book on the highest shelf...

    We sneaked into the library 
    It was the dead of night 
    We took the great big ladder on wheels
    There wasnt any light

    We pushed it by the window
    And climbed by the light of the moon
    Trying to be as quiet as mice
    The librarian would be back real soon 

    We wanted that book that was way up high
    The one up there on it's own 
    We were never allowed to borrow it
    And it's title is a mystery, unknown

    So we clambered up one hundred steps
    To the book on tbe highest shelf
    To see if it was all about 
    A wizard or chocolate or an elf

    And right at the top we reached out
    The ladders wobbled and gave us a fright
    The cover read health and safety
    And something about working at height......


  • helpshark 76w

    The trout with self doubt

    Im out of my depth

    And I'm sure that I outta

    Not feel this way

    Like a fish out of water

    I have a rainbow its true

    And I do really like

    But I'd rather be a tench 

    Or a perch or a pike

    And hide in the shadows

    Away from the flurry

    The hustle, the bustle

    The fear and the worry

    But then a salmon swam up

    And said you are really quite cool

    I wish i had a rainbow

    When I was at school

    The trout with self doubt

    Was no longer depressed

    He had a multicoloured speedstripe

    That really impressed

    And with a heart full of gladness

    He swam and he swam

    And said i'm a rainbow trout and im proud

    Thats what I am....


  • helpshark 76w

    My teacher is a dinosaur

    Our teacher he is interesting

    He really doesn't bore us

    We hid under tbe table

    But I'm pretty sure he saw us

    Our teacher is a dinosaur

    He has a detachable claw

    He keeps it with his sandwiches

    In his second draw

    He's ancient, almost a fossil

    The headmistress calls him Keith

    He's got great big yellow scary eyes

    And a hundred pointy teeth

    I think he's some sort of t rex

    And his arms are really tiny

    He dosent care much for bottle tops

    Because he'll chase anything if it's shiny

    He wears a tie and has a briefcase

    And is often seen in odd socks

    But we help him every lunchtime

    Because he has trouble opening his lunch box


  • helpshark 76w

    Pigs in Blankets

    Oinky was a pig in a blanket

    That had nothing to do with christmas

    But he always left a small gap right at the top

    Just so he didnt really miss much

    He didnt fancy a sleeping bag

    And he punctured his water bed and sank it

    And after two hours of fighting with that duvet idea...

    He's happy just being a pig in a blanket


  • helpshark 78w

    Nursery Whine...

    It's all gone wrong
    And I can't sleep
    Now that little boy blue
    Ran away with bo peep...

    And those three blind mice
    Are quite endearing
    They're off the rails
    With telescopic hearing

    And old humpty dumpy
    Is in a war of attrition
    With the powers that be
    Over planning permission

    Jack and Jill went up the hill
    And were never seen again
    They didn't write a suicide note
    Because they didn't have a pen

    The cow jumped the moon
    And is now in traction
    With a hatred for cheese
    And an allergic reaction...

    The Spiders can have the house
    Said an anxious Miss Muffet
    My arachnophobia is playing up
    And she left for the coast and said f**k it...


  • helpshark 85w

    The Light

    Hooray here comes the cavalry
    They're coming over the hill
    The sight of our redemption
    It really is quite a thrill

    It's the light at the end of the tunnel
    And it's there in the distance today
    The regular bugler is isolating at home
    And his friend dosen't know how to play

    And here comes the freight train of optimism
    Tooting "everything will be fine"
    With Mr.Hancock at the control's
    But watch out there's a leaf on the line

    And Christmas this year will be cancelled
    So the choir are refusing to sing
    Santa Claus doesn't work for Tesco
    He's been furloughed since the spring...


  • helpshark 96w

    The Fork in the Stone...

    It is legend, a task of great fortitude
    An undertaking of the like, we are meant
    After the events of Sunday's barbecue
    As the cutlery was dropped in cement

    The path to greatness was not finished
    And the historic scene was set
    Some say that the fork just fell from the plate
    A conclusion that's not proven yet

    But as the prophecy states when with barbecues
    Only the brave should reach out for such goals
    And whoever pulleth the discarded fork from the cement
    Shall be the one to rule over the coals


  • helpshark 99w

    Urban Warfare

    We failed to catch the frisbee
    And now it's all got tense
    There's a silent neighbourly stand off
    Because it went over the fence...

    There pretending they haven't got it
    But we know it's definitely there
    And as soon as the drone is charged
    We'll have evidence from the air

    Where filling up the water bombs
    To commence our ground attack
    They have t minus ten seconds
    And now they've thrown it back

    I've told my sister to stand down
    And not to be concerned
    There will not be a war today
    The frisbee has returned...


  • helpshark 99w


    I've made a fantastic toothbrush
    Out of macaroni
    It's one of those bespoke presents
    So Happy Birthday Tony

    I've sent it with the postie
    And when this delivery drops
    You'll love it more when you realise
    You can't get it in the shops....

    I think they call it artisan
    It hasn't been endorsed
    But the pasta is almost vegan
    And was ethically sourced


  • helpshark 99w

    Barry's got...

    Barry's got a helicopter
    But Barry just don't know why
    He wanted a yellow umbrella
    And he never did learn to fly

    Barry's, got a submarine
    He bought it on a whim
    But Barry's chlostrophobic
    And he never learned to swim

    Now Barry's got an ambulance
    It's buried in the ground
    It just sticks out a little bit
    Because he likes the nee naw sound....