Quotes and poetry by helpshark

The book on the highest shelf...

We sneaked into the library
It was the dead of night
We took the great big ladder on wheels
There wasnt any light

We pushed it by the window
And climbed by the light of the moon
Trying to be as quiet as mice
The librarian would be back real soon

We wanted that book that was way up high
The one up there on it's own
We were never allowed to borrow it
And it's title is a mystery, unknown

So we clambered up one hundred steps
To the book on tbe highest shelf
To see if it was all about
A wizard or chocolate or an elf

And right at the top we reached out
The ladders wobbled and gave us a fright
The cover read health and safety
And something about working at height......

©helpshark

helpshark 76w

The trout with self doubt

Im out of my depth

And I'm sure that I outta

Not feel this way

Like a fish out of water

I have a rainbow its true

And I do really like

But I'd rather be a tench

Or a perch or a pike

And hide in the shadows

Away from the flurry

The hustle, the bustle

The fear and the worry

But then a salmon swam up

And said you are really quite cool

I wish i had a rainbow

When I was at school

The trout with self doubt

Was no longer depressed

He had a multicoloured speedstripe

That really impressed

And with a heart full of gladness

He swam and he swam

And said i'm a rainbow trout and im proud

Thats what I am....

©helpshark

helpshark 76w

My teacher is a dinosaur

Our teacher he is interesting

He really doesn't bore us

We hid under tbe table

But I'm pretty sure he saw us

Our teacher is a dinosaur

He has a detachable claw

He keeps it with his sandwiches

In his second draw

He's ancient, almost a fossil

The headmistress calls him Keith

He's got great big yellow scary eyes

And a hundred pointy teeth

I think he's some sort of t rex

And his arms are really tiny

He dosent care much for bottle tops

Because he'll chase anything if it's shiny

He wears a tie and has a briefcase

And is often seen in odd socks

But we help him every lunchtime

Because he has trouble opening his lunch box

©helpshark

helpshark 76w

Pigs in Blankets

Oinky was a pig in a blanket

That had nothing to do with christmas

But he always left a small gap right at the top

Just so he didnt really miss much

He didnt fancy a sleeping bag

And he punctured his water bed and sank it

And after two hours of fighting with that duvet idea...

He's happy just being a pig in a blanket

©helpshark

helpshark 78w

Nursery Whine...

It's all gone wrong
And I can't sleep
Now that little boy blue
Ran away with bo peep...

And those three blind mice
Are quite endearing
They're off the rails
With telescopic hearing

And old humpty dumpy
Is in a war of attrition
With the powers that be
Over planning permission

Jack and Jill went up the hill
And were never seen again
They didn't write a suicide note
Because they didn't have a pen

The cow jumped the moon
And is now in traction
With a hatred for cheese
And an allergic reaction...

The Spiders can have the house
Said an anxious Miss Muffet
My arachnophobia is playing up
And she left for the coast and said f**k it...

©helpshark

helpshark 85w

The Light

Hooray here comes the cavalry
They're coming over the hill
The sight of our redemption
It really is quite a thrill

It's the light at the end of the tunnel
And it's there in the distance today
The regular bugler is isolating at home
And his friend dosen't know how to play

And here comes the freight train of optimism
Tooting "everything will be fine"
With Mr.Hancock at the control's
But watch out there's a leaf on the line

And Christmas this year will be cancelled
So the choir are refusing to sing
Santa Claus doesn't work for Tesco
He's been furloughed since the spring...

©helpshark

helpshark 96w

The Fork in the Stone...

It is legend, a task of great fortitude
An undertaking of the like, we are meant
After the events of Sunday's barbecue
As the cutlery was dropped in cement

The path to greatness was not finished
And the historic scene was set
Some say that the fork just fell from the plate
A conclusion that's not proven yet

But as the prophecy states when with barbecues
Only the brave should reach out for such goals
And whoever pulleth the discarded fork from the cement
Shall be the one to rule over the coals

©helpshark

helpshark 99w

Urban Warfare

We failed to catch the frisbee
And now it's all got tense
There's a silent neighbourly stand off
Because it went over the fence...

There pretending they haven't got it
But we know it's definitely there
And as soon as the drone is charged
We'll have evidence from the air

Where filling up the water bombs
To commence our ground attack
They have t minus ten seconds
And now they've thrown it back

I've told my sister to stand down
And not to be concerned
There will not be a war today
The frisbee has returned...

©helpshark

helpshark 99w

Bespoke

I've made a fantastic toothbrush
Out of macaroni
It's one of those bespoke presents
So Happy Birthday Tony

I've sent it with the postie
And when this delivery drops
You'll love it more when you realise
You can't get it in the shops....

I think they call it artisan
It hasn't been endorsed
But the pasta is almost vegan
And was ethically sourced

©helpshark

helpshark 99w

Barry's got...

Barry's got a helicopter
But Barry just don't know why
He wanted a yellow umbrella
And he never did learn to fly

Barry's, got a submarine
He bought it on a whim
But Barry's chlostrophobic
And he never learned to swim

Now Barry's got an ambulance
It's buried in the ground
It just sticks out a little bit
Because he likes the nee naw sound....

©helpshark