we're gonna need a bigger boat...
I tried everything but I just couldn't please herSo I married the upright fridge freezerShe knows me and what I'm aboutWe just sit in the kitchen and chill out©helpshark
My birthday would of been oh so coolIf it just managed to follow the ruleAnd now I'm just wondering whyI was born on the 3rd of July...©helpshark
There are four hundred beans on my toastBut I'm not sure which one I like the mostSome are much more saucy than othersIt depends on how liberally it smothersI've taken care of most of the sauceAnd now I'm making my decision of courseThere it is, it's that one..I've found it Now I've just got to try and eat around it.©helpshark
Cummings and Goings...
The government said to me stay homeSo I got into my carWe were feeling a little under the weatherBut it wasn't very farJust a two hundred and sixty mile round tripWe we're poorly and a little bit stressedAll the opticians were closed you seeIt was so hard to get an eye testAnd in those circumstancesSo not to cause any hassle I like to go drive down the motorwayA bit blind.....but I do like a castleAnd later my boss told me off a bitBut promised me a pardonIf I got my pasting table outAnd talked about it in the back garden.©helpshark
The Daily Stress Conference
Stay in go out do as we sayYou're not from public schoolsHow could you possibly understandWe're here to make some rulesThe ones in suits behind closed doorsDeciding what can be seenOrchestrating the facts and the figuresThe secret covid nineteenThey stand as if to baffle usWith our daily dose and relianceOn manipulated graphs and chartsThat twist and turn the scienceThe think tank is dangerous and out of controlDriven by Dad's armyAnd the circus clown from EtonWho's funny and a little bit barmyBut as long as there is a sloganSomething catchy they can repeatTo quote during difficult questioningWe can conquer, we can defeat...The blundering incompetenceIs the last indignant blowThey claim the ship is steadyBut we hit the iceberg long agoIt's the government daily stress conferenceForced upon them by demandBy the public who only seek the truthAnd not just slight of hand....©helpshark
You stand there so powerfulFull of hatred and greedAnd in your own tiny mindYou believe that you can leadYour cities are on fireAnd your people are so tiredOf your own self promotionAnd the people that you hiredTo smile so politelyWhile you're making a speechAs you bleed the country dryLike an illiterate leechYou hold up the bibleLike a prop in a showBut you've never read a bookIt's so obvious we knowSo go back to your towersAnd your sparkling gold liftWhere the mirror insideTells you that your God's giftThe lack of intelligence Is beyond our beliefThe cheese burger king,Commander and chiefYour choking a nationThat wants to believeListen to your peopleBecause your country can't breathe.....©helpshark
The fish who wished he could fly
He said I know I'm just a fishAnd my ambitions are set way too high But I think I've really always beenThe fish who wished he could flyI swim around and I dream Of such incredible thingsLike the birds that fly like angels And how I long to have wingsSo the whale flicked him up like a baseballHe broke the surface and went way up highAnd just for a few fabulous secondsHe was the fish that had managed to flyAnd now every afternoon on a ThursdayThe whales all meet up, place a betAnd the fish who wished he could fly does his thingTo see just how high he can get.....©helpshark
I take the drama, the ridiculeI absorb it and forgiveIt fills me up empowers meWith the energy to liveThe knives that tear the deepestInto every cell and sinewThis form of love and angerWas this always there within youAnd soon we are in love againThis hurricane will passAs I stand before you, bulletproofWhen I'm really made of glass....©helpshark
Bread and Butter
I stand imperfect before youThe one with greasy feetLosing my faith in humanityWith the more people I meetI lack the courage or knowledgeI know little of understandingI forgot to look before I leaptAnd I'm not sure where I am landingSo if my life is my bread and butterAnd I choose just who I amI'd like to be the buttery knifeThat somebody left in the jam....©helpshark
The Vicar who ate all the Biscuits
The vicar who ate all the biscuitsIs becoming a bit of a pestHe's eaten all the digestivesAnd now he's coming back for the restWe shouldn't of answered the door to himThat was clearly our mistakeHe's asked us to put the kettle onAnd noticed that we have cakeHe says he's doing the Lord's workAnd it will benefit us all much laterSo we have to fill him with tea and sconesAnd the contents of the refrigeratorNext time he knocks at the doorI know where I'm going to beIll be eating all of the biscuits Then hiding behind the setee©helpshark