we're gonna need a bigger boat...

Grid View
List View
  • helpshark 114w


    I tried everything but I just couldn't please her
    So I married the upright fridge freezer
    She knows me and what I'm about
    We just sit in the kitchen and chill out


  • helpshark 114w


    My birthday would of been oh so cool
    If it just managed to follow the rule
    And now I'm just wondering why
    I was born on the 3rd of July...


  • helpshark 114w


    There are four hundred beans on my toast
    But I'm not sure which one I like the most
    Some are much more saucy than others
    It depends on how liberally it smothers

    I've taken care of most of the sauce
    And now I'm making my decision of course
    There it is, it's that one..I've found it
    Now I've just got to try and eat around it.


  • helpshark 114w

    Cummings and Goings...

    The government said to me stay home
    So I got into my car
    We were feeling a little under the weather
    But it wasn't very far

    Just a two hundred and sixty mile round trip
    We we're poorly and a little bit stressed
    All the opticians were closed you see
    It was so hard to get an eye test

    And in those circumstances
    So not to cause any hassle
    I like to go drive down the motorway
    A bit blind.....but I do like a castle

    And later my boss told me off a bit
    But promised me a pardon
    If I got my pasting table out
    And talked about it in the back garden.


  • helpshark 114w

    The Daily Stress Conference

    Stay in go out do as we say
    You're not from public schools
    How could you possibly understand
    We're here to make some rules

    The ones in suits behind closed doors
    Deciding what can be seen
    Orchestrating the facts and the figures
    The secret covid nineteen

    They stand as if to baffle us
    With our daily dose and reliance
    On manipulated graphs and charts
    That twist and turn the science

    The think tank is dangerous and out of control
    Driven by Dad's army
    And the circus clown from Eton
    Who's funny and a little bit barmy

    But as long as there is a slogan
    Something catchy they can repeat
    To quote during difficult questioning
    We can conquer, we can defeat...

    The blundering incompetence
    Is the last indignant blow
    They claim the ship is steady
    But we hit the iceberg long ago

    It's the government daily stress conference
    Forced upon them by demand
    By the public who only seek the truth
    And not just slight of hand....


  • helpshark 115w

    Can't Breathe

    You stand there so powerful
    Full of hatred and greed
    And in your own tiny mind
    You believe that you can lead

    Your cities are on fire
    And your people are so tired
    Of your own self promotion
    And the people that you hired

    To smile so politely
    While you're making a speech
    As you bleed the country dry
    Like an illiterate leech

    You hold up the bible
    Like a prop in a show
    But you've never read a book
    It's so obvious we know

    So go back to your towers
    And your sparkling gold lift
    Where the mirror inside
    Tells you that your God's gift

    The lack of intelligence
    Is beyond our belief
    The cheese burger king,
    Commander and chief

    Your choking a nation
    That wants to believe
    Listen to your people
    Because your country can't breathe.....


  • helpshark 117w

    The fish who wished he could fly

    He said I know I'm just a fish
    And my ambitions are set way too high
    But I think I've really always been
    The fish who wished he could fly

    I swim around and I dream
    Of such incredible things
    Like the birds that fly like angels
    And how I long to have wings

    So the whale flicked him up like a baseball
    He broke the surface and went way up high
    And just for a few fabulous seconds
    He was the fish that had managed to fly

    And now every afternoon on a Thursday
    The whales all meet up, place a bet
    And the fish who wished he could fly does his thing
    To see just how high he can get.....


  • helpshark 118w


    I take the drama, the ridicule
    I absorb it and forgive
    It fills me up empowers me
    With the energy to live

    The knives that tear the deepest
    Into every cell and sinew
    This form of love and anger
    Was this always there within you

    And soon we are in love again
    This hurricane will pass
    As I stand before you, bulletproof
    When I'm really made of glass....


  • helpshark 118w

    Bread and Butter

    I stand imperfect before you
    The one with greasy feet
    Losing my faith in humanity
    With the more people I meet

    I lack the courage or knowledge
    I know little of understanding
    I forgot to look before I leapt
    And I'm not sure where I am landing

    So if my life is my bread and butter
    And I choose just who I am
    I'd like to be the buttery knife
    That somebody left in the jam....


  • helpshark 119w

    The Vicar who ate all the Biscuits

    The vicar who ate all the biscuits
    Is becoming a bit of a pest
    He's eaten all the digestives
    And now he's coming back for the rest

    We shouldn't of answered the door to him
    That was clearly our mistake
    He's asked us to put the kettle on
    And noticed that we have cake

    He says he's doing the Lord's work
    And it will benefit us all much later
    So we have to fill him with tea and scones
    And the contents of the refrigerator

    Next time he knocks at the door
    I know where I'm going to be
    Ill be eating all of the biscuits
    Then hiding behind the setee