Miraquill
...
काश कभी उसने
अपनी खुशियों को परे किया होता
भले ही इक पल के खातिर
और पूछा होता मुझसे
सुकून कहा है तेरा
और मैंने शांत मन से
जवाब दिया होता कि
तुम्हारे आस–पास के दायरे में भी नही
आज तलक कभी सुकून नहीं दिया तुमने मुझे
सिवाय उन चुभती बातों के
जो अक्सर ही मुझे रातों में
बेमतलब ही रोने पे मजबूर कर देती हैं
पता नही किस हक़ से
मुझे अपना बताते हो
कुछ किया ही नहीं है तुमने
आज तक अपनों वाला....
©its_tom_here
its_tom_here
Suffering from Agnosthesia ;)
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..
The moon is always out of your reach
But still it comforts you
Way more than the people
Who are in your reach.
So ironic nah....
©its_tom_here -
•_•
तुम्हारी खुबसूरती देख कर नाज़ होता है मुझे
कि मेरे पास तुम हो
अपनी बातें तुम्हे बता कर एहसास होता है मुझे
कि मेरे पास तुम हो
घंटो तुम्हे देख कर पता चलता है मुझे
कि मेरे पास तुम हो
मगर फिर होश आता है मुझे
इतनी कीमती चीज़ सिर्फ मेरी नही हो सकती
तुम सिर्फ मेरे लिए बने हो
ये किस हक़ से कह दूं मैं
तुम चांद जो ठहरे
बहुत दूर हो मेरी पहुंच से।
©its_tom_here -
....
It's just overthinking killed my happiness,
But I wasn't wrong either.
(: -
Read More
It hurts as hell when you realise you are growing up.
Posting it again cause why not ;)......
And somewhere between 'Crying loudly to seek attention' to 'Crying silently and wiping our own tears' we grew up.....
Somewhere between 'loving lights' to 'living in dark' we grew up....
Somewhere between 'Djs' to 'slowed and reverb' we grew up......
Somewhere between 'being angry on parents' to 'making them first priority' we grew up.....
Somewhere between 'being called bachha/beta' to 'ab bada ho gaya/ badi ho gayi hai tu' we grew up.......
Somewhere between 'always eager to go out' to 'always wanting to stay in bed' we grew up......
Somewhere between 'watching doraemon as cartoon' to 'calling it nostalgia' we grew up....
Somewhere between 'willing to grow up' to 'always willing to live the childhood' we grew up.....
©its_tom_here -
...
मुझे मेरी शख्सियत से नफरत हुई इक दफा
वजह तुम थे।
©its_tom_here -
I still want you
I saw you today after years,
Felt like holding your hands,
But the space was occupied already.
You remember we used to make promises?
Only i kept them like a fool,
And i don't know why you left me.
It was raining there and he refused to join you,
You remember how i used to say
We'll dance in the rain crazily together?
You guys were sitting on the seashore
You lost in your thoughts and him being busy
You remember how we planned to sit there and praise the weather?
It was a cold night and chilly winds were blowing
You were walking alone on the street
You remember how i said at such times I'll give you my sweater?
Well doesn't matter how much time passed
But i still love you the same
And i believe you and me being us again can make things better.
©its_tom_here -
..
Hey don't be sad
There will be days when staring at moon won't be the best option...
There will be days when Kun faya kun won't give you peace...
There will be days when talking to best friend won't be enough...
There will be days when you'll hate yourself...
Just remember one thing time isn't even and situations keep changing. You are doing your best and you'll get over it soon.
Till then take care.
©its_tom_here -
...
Terrified again
Of not loving,
Of loving and not you,
Of being loved and not by you.
~Samuel Beckett (Cascando) -
....
So you told me to shut the fuck up cause I'm a kid,
And now you expect me to be matured cause I'm grown up....
What phase of life is this (•‿•)
©its_tom_here
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To be a writer is to believe in what I feel.
I've always seen this world as a source to complete my story.
So every time I walked, walked and walked till I found the right pieces of the puzzle to complete every ounce of it.
I touched the metal railings of big shops in the sizzling summer and felt the temptation of the kid who can only look at glittery things but not have them.
I looked around the heavy walls of hospitals to share the grief and relief they hold of the dead and the survivors.
I warmth heart of a young boy who was weighed down to conserve his manhood.
I let it crush my heart into a thousand pieces when I heard the despondence of a friend who was abused.
I still write letters to the people I love with the hope that even after becoming strangers again, these words will feel like home to them.
But in reality, I did nothing but shared pain.
The pain of a heart that was too heavy, the pain of the shoulders which were burdened, the pain of the walls which were falling apart, the pain of the dreams which couldn't come true, and the pain of the heart which was (in)capable of falling in and out of love.
I've lived a thousand characters through mere words and that itself is a miracle for me.
But what I'm saying today is that there will be times when I'll melt into poetry, saturated in agony.
That and only that would be the time when I would not wish to be read by you for pain transcends through art, crawls over the mind, wreaths the soul, and longs for a touch to burn down its papers because that is the only way you can save me, by sharing the pain of my wrenching heart.
But I can't see you with scars because pain is tyrannical.
And love and only love is certain in this world which can lower it down.
©priyanshipandeyy -
I offhandedly smile when I hear them saying that "scars are beautiful".
I wish I could tell them that I'm more than just a human now.
I'm a museum of some scars and a diary for others.
My smile conceals my leftover dreams and the reminiscence of some I don't talk about anymore.
My eyes still hurt with the light of some sparkly unfulfilled wishes of the innocence which left me long back.
Oblivion of the next moment, I used to paint butterflies on my lover's skin but now some vestige paint is all I'm left with and I call them 'memories'.
I wish someone would've told me that butterflies leave.
But I'm more than those paintings now.
I'm made up of the pages which hold the grief that I bury in poetry, the birds I talk about, the unsent poems I've written for him and the melancholic lullabies I suppress in myself these days.
And to keep everything safe, I write.
I write to feel.
I write because I can feel.
I write because I'm enough alive.
I write to keep myself enough alive.
The heartache in my pages is more than just words because I portray the scars of my mourning heart into words and they call them 'poetry'.
©priyanshipandeyy -
tortoise
3w
Read MoreEpisode 8 of #theAccidentalincidence
@vindhya_ @pink_berry @idiocrates i hope the story isn't boring.The Accidental Incidence
Before he could begin his day, he wrote a leave application for today. Then, he went straight to bathroom, and got ready. The moment he passed by the mirror, he looked at himself again. Still unpleasant. "How does she manage to look at this pathetic face?", Mayank babbled to himself.
He ate a heavy breakfast, because he knew today he needed energy. He soon reached his office building. Instead of entering inside, he went down the road towards the park. It was 9 am. The weather wasn't much heated up, so he jogged his way down. He entered the park, and rushed to his bench. He sat there, patiently waiting for her. His mind kept wondering,
*What if, she doesn't come today as well? She loves her diary, she carries it to everywhere, she needs to find it. I am sure she will come today. She must be occupied yesterday taking care of her sister, or someone, that she must have forgotten about her own self. She is stupid, you know.*
The Sun kept moving, from the east to the top of his head and, he was sweating in the heat. He finally thought to check the first or last pages of the diary, that's where most of the people write their contact info. "One of us, has to use brain. Let it be, Me."
As he flipped the cover, the first page opened up.
MY
DEAR
DIARY
Written with colorful sketches, every letter was different from another. There were little stars all over the page, some big, some small, some in groups, some alone. The paper has turned greasy, depicting the time elapsed.
*It must be nearly two years old.* Mayank thought to himself.
He didn't intend to read anything, but since the first page has no name or contact info. He flipped through the pages, looking at corners or first lines. Few words, and doodles caught his attention, which he didn't pay heed to. His sole aim right now was to find a way to contact her. He reached the end of the diary, and the last page was as neat as a new diary. He sighed.
*What a stupid girl, i am dealing with. No name, no contact, nothing. What does she think of herself? Is she so famous, that people will remember her by face only?*
The irony of his last thought brought a smile to his face. He was about to lose his hopes, only when his phone alarm rung.
1:55 pm.
Mayank was furious now. He didn't know what to do. His stomach was growling inside, his legs were twitching, and his fingers were tired of holding the diary.
He asked few nearby people if they have seen a girl in her teens searching for a diary, but the response was null and void. Exhausted and hopeless, Mayank decided to leave for his flat at 10 pm. Initially he thought to leave the diary on the bench, but later on, he decided to take it away with himself. As soon as he reached his home, he undressed himself and went to take a quick shower. Later, he prepared himself a meal, but he slept without having it.
Next day, Mayank resumed his daily schedule, as he was doing it previously. But the sight of her diary kept haunting him. The desire to go through it, page by page, line by line, word by word, overpowered him. He shook himself, and put the diary in a drawer. After having a heavy breakfast, Mayank went to his office, as usual. Though, there was nothing as usual in his office. There were constant stares, and gossiping around him. But it was only his manager, who called him in his cabin and asked for his well being.
During lunch break, as he was about to leave for park, Sneha tried to ask him about his sudden leave, but Mayank brushed her off. The monotonous routine sets in, and Mayank tried hard to forget the accidental incidence.
To be continued..
©tortoise -
tortoise
3w
Read More
Episode 9 of #theAccidentalincidence
@vindhya_ @pink_berry @idiocrates a little extra because someone asked me to add length. It can't go beyond this. Mirakee doesn't allow.The Accidental Incidence
A month passed by, as usual. Though everytime, Mayank sat on his bench, a breeze would remind him of her. The more he tried to forget her, the more he was taken back in the time. Those two unexpected meetings were the only good things of this year. All the hustle he did for her seems to be worth it. Every night, as he prepared his bed, he had to kill his desire of opening the drawer to peep inside the diary.
14th September, 2015
4:30 AM
Mayank suddenly woke up, sweating terribly. It seems like he had a nightmare. Earlier it was quite common, but after the accidental incidence, he didn't have any nightmares.
Mayank stood up straight, and drank a glass of water. He didn't know how to calm himself down. He rushed towards the drawer and took out her diary. He turned to page 2 and hugged it, sitting down on sofa.
For straight 5 minutes, he kept hugging the diary, as if it was his last resort to hope. Soon, his anxiety flew away, and he was in a relaxed state, knowing there was someone with him. His eyes began to read the very first entry in her diary.
"Dear diary, it's my first ever time to write anything. Let me introduce myself, first. Umm, about my name, i don't intend to tell, since you're still a stranger :p
Just kidding. I think we should know each other by more than just names, that's why i call you, my Diaru! Okay? :)
And, you can call me, Musu? Actually, you can keep any name, you want. I have no problem at all, my Diaru! Because the true love lies in nicknames, right?
But, but, but, we should save the date, right? It's my first ever diary writing, yes, so remember today is, 23rd April, 2013. Such a weird day to begin, no? Hehe, i know, but only today my English teacher told me the value of inking your daily events in a diary, and i asked maa to bring me a beautiful diary. To be honest, i literally begged her :p
Anyway, I'll tell you other stories later, I'm running late. Tomorrow is my chemistry test. I need to prepare well. You also take rest, Diaru! My new friend!
Love."
Mayank re-read it twice, and it felt like a lullaby to him, for he slept holding diary in his hands over his chest, on the sofa itself. The alarm rung at 6:30 AM, and he woke up surprised. Never in his life, he has slept this deeply after having a nightmare.
He kept the diary near his pillow on the bed, and went back to his daily schedule, with a faint smile on his face. He thought to read one entry daily.
Eagerly enough, Mayank ran off from his office and finished off his evening chores as soon as possible. He crash landed on his bed, and turned to the next entry. His eyes held a spark that was lost since a long time.
"24th April, 2013
Dear diary,
Hello my Diaru! See, now i am learning to put date first, and words later on. Yesterday i told you about my test na? Yes, you know what, i scored 27/30! Great na? I actually thought it would be full 30, but i messed up one question. This molarity and molality is too confusing! Anyway, i had a great day. Our teacher told us about summer vacations, and you know what, all my classmates were discussing about studying a lot. It's 11th after all, everyone has joined some tution, or coaching institute. I wonder, if I'll be able to fight this big world on my own. But I'll study hard, and I'm sure you'll stay by my side, even if i fail, right? Because that's what friends are for! Okay, bye. Take care, maa is calling me for dinner!
Love."
Mayank kept the diary aside, and turned to his right side. He remembered his old school days, where in he was a master in chemistry. He smiled as he recalled those memories, and slept peacefully.
The next day was different. Mayank snoozed off his alarm, and was asleep till 8 AM. It was only when sunlight fell on his eyes, that he realised his schedule has been ruined. He ran towards the bathroom, and washed himself in hurry. As he tried to rush, he slipped away on watery floor. As he fell down, he laughed out loud on his foolishness. It was indeed a rare day.
"If it were you, here, you'd have stopped stalking me. I look like a mess!" Mayank spoke out loud enough.
He reached office at 10:30 AM. It was quite obvious for everyone else to stare him. He rushed towards the manager's cabin, and told him why he got late.
"It's alright, Mayank. You look happy today."
"May be, because i slept for two extra hours!"
"Quite possible. See, i keep telling you to take break from this work load, but you never listen to me. I know you're a boon to this company, and i value your time here. If you need vacations, or less working hours, you can let me know."
"That's very kind of you, sir. But i am fine with these hours, you're already doing a lot for me."
"Hmm. By the way, Mayank, would you mind if i ask you any personal question?"
"Umm, depends."
"Haha! Typical Mayank's reply!"
"Obviously!"
To be continued..
©tortoise -
The Accidental Incidence
"I was wondering about the equation between you and Sneha, Mayank."
"We are office mates, sir."
"When you had joined the office, you were quite cheerful, Mayank. Everyone was left in awe of your character and energy. You welcomed everyone with open arms, and guided them with your insights. Sneha was also influenced a lot by you. After your rough phase began, i don't know why and how, everyone distanced themselves from you, except Sneha. What i mean to say, Mayank, is that i feel she cares for you. And i also believe that you need a companionship for getting over your hard times. It's tough doing it all alone."
"I'm indeed blessed to have a boss, who cares this much about his employees. Sneha is a generous person, but then i can't burden her with my life."
"She is similar to you, actually very similar. She can understand you better, why don't you give her a chance?"
"Two people who are very similar, are like those parallel lines which never intersect. We can be good friends, but there can't be anything more between us."
"Then, be good friends, Mayank! I am not saying, that it has to be a romantic relationship. You just need to get yourself someone with whom you can share yourself."
"Apart from using her, it will be fuelling her emotions also, as i know she feels different for me. Though, i don't know when did she start feeling that way, but being friends with her now, will hurt her eventually."
As Mayank walked out of the office, and sat down for working, he was disturbed by the echoes of his manager's words.
*It's tough doing it all alone.*
*All alone.*
*Alone.*
Mayank felt a gnawing pain, he felt like running away. Or, hiding under the shelf. That day, he couldn't focus on anything. He even ruined one of the Excel sheets, which was later on corrected by another office mate. As soon as, the lunch break happened, he rushed to the park, and sat on his bench. A cool breeze passed, and he exhaled heavily. He clutched the seat tightly, as a child clutches his mother's finger, in fright.
Her face appeared before his eyes, and he took a deep breath. Her eyes that stalked him once, made him forget everything, and he chew his sandwich. Later, during the day, he worked efficiently as usual.
In the evening, he rushed to his room, and grasped the diary from his bed, to hug it.
*I am not alone. I have this diary. I have her memories. How can i be alone!* Mayank thought to himself.
As he ate his food, he thought about her even more.
*She called herself musu, what can be her name? Muskan? Possible. It's indeed a common name, like Mayank. Will she be missing her diary now? Well, she lost it herself, and now it's all mine.*
Mayank went onto his bed, and turned to the next entry.
"27th May, 2013
Dear diary,
It's almost been a month, since I've last talked to you. It's been a rough month to be honest. Vacations, studies, and home stuff kept me occupied. Sorry, for not being able to spend more time with you. But today, I'm here. Because i am very sad today. Almost, on the verge of crying. That's why, i feel quite selfish. It's like using you, for venting out. I'm sorry, Diaru.
I had a fight with my maa, and she scolded me off. It was still fine, but then, i yelled at her. She said a few remarks even after that, but then i kept answering her back. She stopped speaking then. The whole day, we didn't talk. I should have felt happy, right? Because i thought she was wrong, i was revolting. But i didn't feel happy. Instead i felt guilty of hurting her. Sometimes i feel, it's important to be kind, than to be right. I tried apologising, but it all went in vain.
In the evening, i hugged her from behind, and said sorry again. She made me delicious dinner, and even served me an extra roti too. Earlier, i had tears of guilt, and now i have tears of love. I love you, maa. I'll try to never hurt you again. Thank you Diaru, for listening me. I feel a little better now.
Love."
To be continued..
©tortoise -
The Accidental Incidence
Mayank felt restless after reading it. He felt a sense of ache in his heart, as his mind flashed his own relationship with his parents. He didn't know what to do, how to make it better. He kept tossing in the bed, and looked at the clock.
11:30 PM.
He still made a call to his mother, which was answered by his father.
"Hello, beta. How come you've called at this time? Is everything all right?"
"Yes, dad. I think mom is asleep. I'll call.."
"No. No. She's still here, you can talk to her."
As his father gave the phone to his mother, Mayank could listen his father's voice awakening his mom. He knew he had disturbed them, but it felt important that day. As she woke up, she felt elated to know her son has called her.
"Hello, Mayank! Beta? All good?"
"Yes mom. Sorry for troubling you."
"What sorry? How are you, my child? I and your father miss you a lot. Why don't you allow us to visit your place? We won't stay for long, i promise."
"This place is very small, mom. Also, i don't want to trouble you in traveling. Tell me, did you have a good dinner? And what about your medicines? Is dad taking care of his BP?"
"Beta! What happened?"
Mayank stopped, sensing his unusual behaviour.
He coughed a little awkwardly, and said again with his old attitude, "It's fine, mom. I was wondering to pay you guys a visit. If it's suita.."
"What? That's such a good news. You should definitely come, it's your own home after all. You're our only child, you don't have to hesitate coming! Did you listen, Mayank said, he's coming!"
Mayank felt a churning sensation in his stomach, as he listened to the happiness in his mother's voice. His parents were quite elated to the news. He didn't know why he said so. He has not even informed the company. Was it because of her?
"Beta?"
"Umm, yes mom. I'll come day after tomorrow, I've some work to finish."
Mayank's dad took phone, and said, "Beta, you'll be staying for few days, na? I mean it's your mom's birthday in three days."
Mayank listened to his mom's voice scolding his dad, "why did you tell him that? We should not burden him with this. Even if he comes for one day, we are more than happy. Now if he doesn't come, who will be.."
"Yes dad. It's alright" Mayank spoke in between, "i'll be there for three days. Tell mom, to prepare my favourite meals! I'll sleep now. You guys also take a good sleep."
And mayank disconnected the call immediately.
He felt a striking pain in his heart as he realised how much love his parents hold for him, and he has never been able to reciprocate any of it.
*Why are you doing this to me, Musu? Why do i feel attached to you? Why did you meet me? Why did you left your diary to me? Why?*
As he lay down, a tear slipped by his right eye, onto his pillow. It clicked him then, what it means to be on the verge of crying! He instantaneously opened up that page, in her diary, and ran his fingers on the page. Somewhere near the end, there was a round bleached out patch, that felt rough to his thumb. He kept rubbing it, and slept holding the diary.
As soon as he reached office, Mayank tried to wind up his work as early as possible. He worked even during the lunch break, and made sure his unusual behaviour didn't affect the company. At 3 PM, he went to the manager's cabin, and gave his leave application for four days, along with the work report. It brought a smile on manager's face. He agreed to him, and even wished him good luck for the journey!
In the evening, as he was about to leave, he stopped beside Sneha, to tell her about his leaves. It brought a sense of satisfaction on her face for she felt important.
To be continued..
©tortoise -
tortoise
2w
Read More
Episode 12 of #theAccidentalincidence
@vindhya_ @pink_berry @idiocrates i hope the story is going fine.The Accidental Incidence
As he was packing his stuff for his four days trip to hometown, he was confused, if he should carry her diary with him, or not.
*What if, it gets tampered there? Or may be i lost it on the journey? Yea, it's too risky, i can't lose it. But what if, i couldn't sleep well, i need it near me. Mayank? When did you get dependent on a diary? You can live on your own. Yes, i can, and i have been living so, for long. But this diary will feel lonely here.*
And after debating with himself, for almost an hour, he finally kept it inside his bag. He ate his dinner, and left for station. His train was right on time, and before sunrise, he was there in his hometown. Mayank didn't sleep much on the journey, for he was too occupied taking care of the diary, like his own kid.
He greeted his parents with a faint smile, only when, his mom hugged him tight. He didn't take out the diary from his bag, for he was scared, what if he left it there!
Those four days were quite special, for him and his family. Mayank even ordered a cake for his mom, and laughed occasionally everytime his mom made a lame joke. On the last day, while he was packing his things, his mom asked him, "what changed you, Mayank?"
"Nothing, mom. I am the same Mayank, you just think too much!" He said while packing his stuff back.
"You're not paying attention to me. Leave all your stuff, why are you holding that diary, leav.."
"Momm!" Mayank almost shouted.
"What? Isn't it just a diary?"
"No. It's not just a diary. It's important."
His mom went silent, for it was rare to see such aggression on his face. She kept looking at him, while he was busy fondling that diary, and keeping it inside the bag, very neatly. After he was done, he realised he had been rude. He recalled her lines, written in diary, *i don't want to hurt you maa, i am sorry* and in an instant, Mayank repeated the same words to his mom.
"I don't know, what it is, but you're changing beta. This anger, this apology, is rare. You're taking interest in your parents again. Well, whatever it is, I'm grateful to God who finally listened to my prayers!" As she finished saying, a tear slipped by, and she leaned forward to kiss Mayank's forehead.
"I'm the same, Mom. You are just being too sentimental. Okay, I'll visit you soon again. Now, don't cry. Else, i won't be.."
"Okay okay, stop blackmailing your old mom. You sleep well, for you've a train early morning. And don't forget to call me, atleast once every week!"
Next morning, Mayank left for his train early in the morning. He felt a sense of relief, as he sat down on the train berth recalling his past four days. It was indeed a pleasant experience, after so many months. While he was thinking of all this, a tinkling sound of bell rang in his ear. He saw an old man selling colorful diaries. His eyes fell on a bright yellow A5 size diary, which has a butterfly on it's cover. He checked on its pages and it were quite similar to her diary, just a little smaller in size. He immediately purchased it.
In the very next instant, he was puzzled by his own instinct!
*Why did i bought this? I don't even write. Is it because of her? I've never been this impulsive. But she's making me strange. I feel different. May be, i can pen down my experience at home, and how i said the same sentence to my mom.
And, and and, may be i can even staple my sheet in her diary, as a memory to her entry? Sounds exciting, that way, i can even track down my own changes, that Mom was talking about. I'm pretty sure, i can't be changed by just few words of a diary. Yes, it sounds reasonable.*
Smiling on his own thoughts, Mayank took out his pen and wrote it down sincerely.
To be continued..
©tortoise -
The Accidental Incidence
As he pen it down, he felt a sense of security enveloped him. He finally had someone to share his things, even if they were all mundane, or exciting. Even if they were bad, or disgraceful, there was someone with whom he can be honest. Mayank was about to staple his two pages onto her diary, only when he realised the thinness of her diary's pages. Once he staple, he can't unstaple it back, else the page will tear off from the pressure.
*So, what? Why do i need to unstaple it anyway? Isn't it my diary now? What if, one day, you've to return it! You can't return it with your self made entries?
But I'm reading her diary, so she can read mine as well? No. She must be thinking highly of me, what if she doesn't look at me, after she read my side of story?
But do you think, you'll be ever lucky enough to be able to meet her again, even for just returning her diary?*
The last thought killed a part of his happiness, and he stapled his pages onto her diary. Then, he safely kept both the diaries together into his bag. He was wondering what will he get to read tonight. It brought a curious smile to his face, he has found his purpose, even for a short while, and nobody could take it away.
Mayank quickly flipped through the pages, and opened up the new entry he has to read tonight.
"14th July, 2013
Dear diary,
Hey Diaru! How are you? I missed you so much. I am pretty sure, you missed your Musu equally, right? Anyway, my vacations are over, and the school started again. It was quite fun to meet my friends, after long, but he seemed quite cold to me. You know whom i am talking about. I don't know why, he is this different to me! Sometimes i feel, he's lonely, and i should take care of him, and sometimes i feel he doesn't like me at all, and i shouldn't trouble him. It's such a messy situation.
But you know what, Diaru? I thought much about it. And it brought a deep ache to my heart. Life is so unpredictable. I guess, it's better if i get detached from him. After 12th, it's unsure where we both will be. Also, he has plans to go foreign. Big dreams. Moreover, I'm sure he has learnt enough, to make friends. He won't need me, and it's alright.
Also, at the end of the day, we all are just people, needing people, and then ditching them, later. It's a circle of life, and it scares me. Nevermind, you know why? Because I've you. And you'll never cheat on me.
Love!"
He couldn't understand the words, he re-read it thrice. It was like, he couldn't accept the things he was reading. His excitement to read vanished in the air. He felt inexpressible pain, one he was not aware of all his life. His mind began racing.
*Does she love someone else? Of course, people write about their secrets in diaries. Their love stories, their regrets, and what not. That's why one shouldn't read someone else's diary. She's not someone else. She's mine.*
Mayank fumbled as the last thought made way. He couldn't believe he thought so. He got up from his bed, and went towards the kitchen to have a glass of water. As he sat down again on his bed, he had his thoughts again.
*How can she be mine! There's already a mention of "he" by her. May be, she loves him. But then, why was she stalking me? If she was in love, with someone else, why would she look at me? They say, people move on quickly these days. But she doesn't look like one, who will switch her partners quickly. Also, I've heard teenage love is special. Not easily forgettable, i guess. May be, she doesn't love him. Sometimes, care and affection, looks like love.*
To be continued..
©tortoise -
The Accidental Incidence
As he thought over her last entry, Mayank was reminded of Sneha.
*Exactly, i care for Sneha, the same way, because she also has big dreams, and i wanted her to have them. But that doesn't mean, i have feelings for her. May be, it's the same for her. She also cares for her male friend, yes. By the way, she's a kid only. Kids have all kinds of relationships, never means it's love. She surely doesn't love him.*
Even though, Mayank has reached upto a conclusive thought, he couldn't get calm at all. He clenched the diary hard, and tried to sleep. His thoughts took him back in the time, when he was in school.
"Mayank, would you like to take part in this farewell event we're organizing for class 12th?"
"No guys, I've got no time for these dramas. I gotta study a lot, you guys enjoy."
"But, ma'am said, everyone gotta do something. Don't you want to say something to the passout batch?"
"What's there to say, if they've studied well enough, their life would be amazing, else they'll have to grind themselves!"
Grind themselves. Mayank was stuck on those words. He thought to himself what all had he achieved after grinding himself! Even though he has accomplished almost everything he once dreamt of, what purpose does it fulfill? He sighed.
It was a tough night for Mayank. He couldn't sleep well, so he woke up early, and went to office. He has brought sweets for everyone from his hometown, and so everyone greeted him excitedly. It was after so many months, he felt a rush of energy within himself. He felt satisfied.
It was almost the end of August, and the weather seems to be bearable now. Even though there was no hope of him seeing her again, everytime Mayank sat on his bench, he was reminded of her. The accidental incidence has somehow changed his perspective. Even if he has to deny, he can't be ungrateful to all the peace he continues to have because of her diary.
His lunch breaks continued to remain same, just that he couldn't keep smoking. Even if it was one single cigarette, he thought it was better to stop. He should save himself. Mayank was convinced of the huge age gap that existed between the two, so he understood it was better if he stop hurting himself. He wanted to live for her. May be, someday, they meet again.
On some nights, when he was quite occupied with his work, he would skip reading the diary, but would never go to sleep without holding it to himself. Mayank was genuinely happy with himself.
Life in office sped up, after September began. New clients bring different kinds of projects, and Mayank got drowned into them. His passion was fuelled again, and one can see him having open discussions with his colleagues and manager. Often, there was even a faint smile on his face, even when he was working hard. Despite having loads of work, Mayank never stopped visiting park for his lunch break. It was like, he could compromise on anything and everything, except this. For the park was the reason, he met her.
Everyone in the company began to think, that may be, Mayank's rough phase is over, and he's back to life. Yet, it was not over for Mayank. His insecurities were still lurking behind the hectic schedule, and he still needed the diary to sleep calmly.
For every entry, that Mayank has read, he has stapled his own side of story. Something he was reminded of, or something he did as a change. Sometimes it was just something he would like to tell her, as an experienced one. Though he wasn't sure, if it was love, or simply attachment, he knew he doesn't want to give up on her.
It was mid of October, when Mayank felt stressed again for the day after tomorrow, was his birthday.
To be continued..
©tortoise -
tortoise
2w
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Episode 15 of #theAccidentalincidence
@vindhya_ @pink_berry when are you coming back? @idiocrates a little longer part.The Accidental Incidence
Next day, he felt some rush in the office. Even when, everyone pretended to be usual, Mayank knew something was on. Cubicle's gossips, casual questionnaire around him, and frequent stares were enough clues for Mayank to realise that they were planning for some surprise. He finished his work early, and went off to his flat. After his work, he called his parents, and talked about. Then, he switched off his phone, for he was quite nervous imagining calls from anyone at 12 midnight. As the clock keep moving towards 12, Mayank felt an anxiety running inside. He grasped the diary, and read the next entry, which came out as a coincidence to say, or a play of destiny. Because, it was of the same date, as his birthday.
"17th October, 2013
Dear diary,
Hellow! You know I'm writing you after so long. But i feel quite anxious tonight. Yes, night because it's 12:15 AM as i write you. You know, it's my birthday, i am 16 tonight. My maa has just wished me a happy birthday, with my favourite KitKat chocolate, and i guess nothing could be better than this.
But I'm stressed about tomorrow, it's a Thursday after all. A working day, and I've to go to school. You know birthdays are exciting, as I've always thought, but only with right kind of people.
And it's not like my friends aren't right kind, but still i don't feel myself with them. I know I'll be courageous tomorrow, and will definitely show up with my big smile, and kind of, fake enthusiasm. Because, even if, I'm not liking any of it, they're all doing it for me. I agree, whatever they are doing, it's because they also expect the same, and I've been good to them.
Sometimes, it just aches me to realise how this whole world works on selfish motives and there's no true feelings. But then, my dear Diaru, I'm being completely honest and true to you. Moreover, I'm really glad that I'm spending my birth-day with you.
I've brought pastries already, and have kept in fridge. Tomorrow I'll offer it to my friends. Maa has given me some pocket money as well, to spend it on my birthday treat. Ah! My heart is racing up, i hope everything goes well.
Anyway, it's quite late now. You also need to sleep. Cheers to another year of my life. Btw, what are you gifting me, my Diaru? :P
Love!"
Mayank felt relaxed as he read it, and joyous as well, knowing they both share the same birth date. There was a little doodle made, with a cake, candles, and her chocolate. He touched all of it, and felt happy.
As he began to sleep, he recalled his earlier birthdays. The enthusiasm he used to have, and the thrill of his hostel days. He indeed was lucky enough to have his best of days, but all that was his past. Losing his sense of purpose was his present. Just before falling asleep, Mayank whispered, "Happy 18th birthday, Musu!"
The next day he felt courageous. Instead of finding ways to push everyone away, Mayank planned it all. He got ready, and called his parents early in the morning. They wished him best for the day. There were two missed calls, both from his college friends, and dozens of messages.
On his way to office, Mayank made calls to each of them. It was indeed a great start of the day, for he was talking to them after several months. He even said them sorry, for losing contact with them and also, for not wishing them their birthdays. Turns out, they were real friends, for they asked a treat rather than complaining anything.
Before entering the office, Mayank felt anxious again. His heart was pounding in his chest, and his stomach did a somersault. He exhaled, and murmured to himself, "Bless me, Musu!"
As expected, everyone had planned a surprise for him. Not surprisingly though!
A surprise birthday party, with loud cheering, and cake cutting followed by different types of gifts overwhelmed Mayank. He tried to smile as hard as he could, for everyone was trying to click pictures with him. Even when he was tired of all this, he didn't lose his heart. In the lunch break, Mayank offered everyone a lunch treat. From the guards and watchmen, to the managers, Mayank invited everyone. It was quite a fun day, for everyone else, while a victory day for him. He finally learnt how to celebrate for others.
Later in the evening, Sneha came forward, and gifted Mayank a special gift. It was wrapped up nicely with laces and flowers, along with one letter. He felt a little hesitant, yet received the gift with a smile.
"Seems like, my old Mayank is back." Sneha blushed as she said so.
"Nothing like that, Sneha. Also, what's with my Mayank?" He questioned her, as they continued to walk downstairs.
"That.. i said it by mistake, Mayank."
"Here we are, Sneha. Shall i order a cab for you?"
"Do you have any evening plans, by the way?"
"Umm, why so, Sneha?"
"I was wondering, if we can celebrate your birthday even better? There's a nice club, some 30 minutes ride fr.."
"No, Sneha. Sorry!"
To be continued..
©tortoise
