I gazed upon the kids celebrating with fireworks on my lane. Flash of sizziling sparks hit me with flash of memories on how I used to be so fragile, just like crackers. These crackers depend on other humans to ignite the sparks of self. They blame the humidity of circumstances and lack of luck for not dazzling bright enough. Just like them, I too, used to pollute myself and my abode with toxicity. Exhausted after not-so-long moments of shine, I used to lay like a paper teared apart, on darkest corners. With all my potential and hope drained, I used to wait for someone to light me up. I used to wait for someone to let my sparks rise high. I used to wait for someone to wake me up from half death. Interrupted by a sudden noise, my past memories burst too and my mind scattered back into present.
I took a 'diya' in my palms. She stained some spots on my face with yellow tinge where I could feel her warmth. Carefully placing her on the balustrade, I glimpsed at her flame dancing along with the one behind my eyes. Maybe it is a coincidence or maybe one flame is the reflection of the other or maybe both are same? I continued to look deeper at her. Her glow was subtle yet sangfroid. Sometimes brighter ; sometimes dimmer. When a bad wind passed by her, she flickered yet made efforts to withstand. She was the only light to herself and her abode. Just like Diya, I too, glowed in solitude waiting for none. Tonight , I stood on the edge of balustrade and promised I would never extinguish as long as I have fuel in my heart(h) and air to enrich the flame of my soul.
The kids on street noticed me above and invited me to join them. "No thanks" , I replied, " I shall never celebrate my toxic past and I wish you guys too find the glow within yourselves". Perplexed, their innocent faces stared at me. "Happy Diwali", I smiled.
There are very few people in our lives who even deserve to hear us say. "I'm not okay." and such people are very precious to us. Don't lose them.
Because initially you won't notice the difference. But gradually things and days don't get darker for no reason.
We don't often confide our feelings to just anyone and when we do, it's usually with someone who we are closest to. We don't want to be mocked. We don't want to be made fun of. We don't want to be judged. We just want the other person to understand what we're feeling and be with us even if it's just a physical presence.
We all get dark days to appreciate the good ones. Sometimes we lose hope along the way and think that no one's going to grab our hand even if we reach out. But that's not true.
Don't be afraid to speak up if you're sad because the people who care for you would definitely come to your rescue. All you need is a little bit of trust and the magical words, "I'm not okay."
The ones who are closer to your heart are worthy of knowing what's wrong with you. Don't make them suffer due to miscommunication.
It is so important for you to vent out your feelings in order to heal. Make your closed one's your emotional guards!