I was standing near the sea, wondering who would heal this broken soul? Clouds with surpassing colors arrived which offered refuge from distraction of outside world. The overpowering sun, broke the walls of uncertainty and limiting beliefs I built around myself. The waves of positivity from the sea filled me with innate happiness. Did I transcend into a calm and composed person? Not yet But I found my healer. .
I will look for you, In the amber autum, That embraced our love; Songs of the pebbles beneath, Still chime in reminisce, Where we sat under the dusk, On a freezing winter's night Oh my, how beautiful that it sparkles under the moonlight //just like his blissful hazel eyes//
Some days, I really don't have the strength to keep going. Amid the clouds of sadness, beneath the weight of responsibilities, under the thousand pills of anxiety that I gulp, I wish I can give up . You know me better than anyone, you know the curves and crevices of my life, you know the constant struggles with depression I go through, you know the little things that bring me joy. You, you are the reason I can't give up . I know how badly it will devastate you if a scratch comes on me .
Boo , do you know how big it is to be the reason someone lives? To be someone who becomes the driving force for another person? You know me na? You know how bad I'm in the opening up wala thing. You know that my happiest to my saddest stories are always packed and parceled to you , only you . You know how I talk to myself thinking I'm talking to you. I look at you and amid the thousand other things that I feel for you , gratefulness fill up my eyes with tears. When you hurt me months back, I asked myself "why did I have to meet him? Wouldn't our lives, his and mine, be much easier had not we met?". I was so hurt, so much in pain. But I won't be saying that ever again. I don't want to imagine a world where I didn't meet you, where you and I didn't share parts of ourselves with one another, where everything didn't come back to you. Because " if the whole world was watching, I'd still dance with you. Drive highways and byways to be there with you. Over and over the only truth, everything comes back to you".
I'm not sure if I'll make through, if you'll see me on the other side, if I'll ever be happy again . Maybe I will. Maybe I won't. For you, I'll never stop trying. And even if you don't write a eulogy for me, I'd always know what you would write, if you could. I love you.
People are going to leave, this is one of the saddest realities of life. Sure, you can go on promising forever and happily ever Afters, and to an extent you might even have it. But we know people leave all the time. Those friends that you have in kindergarten, people who have been there throughout the different phases of your life. Promises to stay BFFs forever. Lovers, friends, family even. It could be anyone. They might move on with the reasons of their own, you might lose touch over a period of time, or maybe it just doesn't work out. And worst of the worst you still lose them to death. Sure, you must love them a lot and the thought of a life without them must be unimaginable. But sometimes, this is how it is. You lose them, hurt for a while, a good while, perhaps. But eventually, time teaches you to accept the most bitter of facts and you are forced to live with it. You find a way to cope. People tend to affect us and our lives. They even change us as a person. Things you learn. Things that had , infact taken that specific person for you to learn, and they go when their job is done. But they actually don't leave us empty handed, they leave us with all the things they taught as, the memories that you have made with them, the love you've shared and person you've come. That's how you go on, by holding on to all of that. Sometimes, the knowledge that it doesn't matter where they are, who they are or what they are doing, as long as they are happy, is enough to make you accept all of it. As long as they're happy. And sometimes, that's all that matters. That's how you keep them alive. That's how you make peace.
the sound of silver, it never occurred to me the same way, that it occurred to you. it took me one year and some more, to chalk out the Bermuda triangle, the area fifty-one, the North American scum — although, it would take me this life, and seven more to figure you out. is it only me, is it only me in this room, occupied with derivative creatures of the same gender as mine; is it only me who's feeling somewhat lonesome, in a chamber-pot filled with decaying insects ?
the hand-me-down LCD screen isn't used all that much, it was said that, my father used to watch pornographic movies on the same; I'm no good, I'm no god, I'm no magician, I'm barely human enough to get you to stay for another night-in. people tend to grow out branches of desperation, once they come out, crawling from the roots of desolation; and, tonight — I'm desperate, and in need, the LCD has never been this handy in quite some time; my old man, he would be smiling from the heaven's above.
a sea of worry, yet, not a drop to quench my head — the writing has dried like the pill on my tongue that isn't bitter, because, it's cyanide. my craft sounds as if it's coming from all the holes in my crotch, I think inbetween the fine lines, of adultery and suicide; tell me, if my words are sincere, they are probably not.
(I wear a veil, in broad daylight, and, during the dark of the night — my sincerity is as scary as the kids in the playgrounds and the little girls inside Cosby's basement. bury me, with a copy of the Bible, because, I never had the time to pray, although, I could atone for my sins, once I am dead).