To my first love, Darling, Amid millions, I chose thee. My heart pounded with glee. First time, my eyes fell upon you. Hours flew & sky changed its hue, yet I couldn't take off my gaze. I held you in a tight embrace. Inhaling your alluring scent, 'Addict' I became at that moment. My fingers gently ran over you. You made fantasies feel so true. memories you bestowed shall forever be stored in my heart, my first book. ~ Manasaa
She is the sun goddess, who bequeaths warmth to the world, attracts the sunflowers of hearts. She is the moon mistress, who illumines dark and lonely nights, whilst millions of stars wink at her.
She walks in nonchalantly and whispers peace in your ears like a serene August zephyr. She marches mightily, with a roar that echoes strength in your bones. For she is a powerful leo queen!
She waves her wand of wisdom and turns words into wonders. She pens panacea out of pain Calling them, proses & poesies. Her sangfroid soul sings sonnets and sprinkes sangunity all around.
Dearest Devika Di, D onning wisdom as tiara, you E ntwine syllables into sonnets. V alour tales, your scars narrate to I gnite the gallant flames of souls. K indness your heart holds, but no A crostic can ever praise you enough.
Devika di, Of what I know about you, you are so strong, kind, genuine and honest. I love your vibes. You inspire me, honestly. Need not mention, you are an extrordinary writer. Your sonnets, acrostics and proses with simplicity, everything touches the hearts of readers.
You have been so kind to me and helped me a lot. I'm always grateful for that. Thank you for everything. Thank you. I adore you♡♡
Originally posted on 27.03.2020 and reposting on 27.03.2021
Years changed. But the pandemic didn't. I had these thoughts in my mind at the beginning of pandemic. Again, there's a rapid increase of covid cases in my city and I couldn't stop pondering about the question in my poem. Will I ever get an answer?
I gazed upon the kids celebrating with fireworks on my lane. Flash of sizziling sparks hit me with flash of memories on how I used to be so fragile, just like crackers. These crackers depend on other humans to ignite the sparks of self. They blame the humidity of circumstances and lack of luck for not dazzling bright enough. Just like them, I too, used to pollute myself and my abode with toxicity. Exhausted after not-so-long moments of shine, I used to lay like a paper teared apart, on darkest corners. With all my potential and hope drained, I used to wait for someone to light me up. I used to wait for someone to let my sparks rise high. I used to wait for someone to wake me up from half death. Interrupted by a sudden noise, my past memories burst too and my mind scattered back into present.
I took a 'diya' in my palms. She stained some spots on my face with yellow tinge where I could feel her warmth. Carefully placing her on the balustrade, I glimpsed at her flame dancing along with the one behind my eyes. Maybe it is a coincidence or maybe one flame is the reflection of the other or maybe both are same? I continued to look deeper at her. Her glow was subtle yet sangfroid. Sometimes brighter ; sometimes dimmer. When a bad wind passed by her, she flickered yet made efforts to withstand. She was the only light to herself and her abode. Just like Diya, I too, glowed in solitude waiting for none. Tonight , I stood on the edge of balustrade and promised I would never extinguish as long as I have fuel in my heart(h) and air to enrich the flame of my soul.
The kids on street noticed me above and invited me to join them. "No thanks" , I replied, " I shall never celebrate my toxic past and I wish you guys too find the glow within yourselves". Perplexed, their innocent faces stared at me. "Happy Diwali", I smiled.
I emerge out as a river from the womb of glacier, I meander throughout my life, I flow past various terrains - Rugged plateaus, smooth plains, High hills and low canyons, I deposit fertile silts called memories on my mind's coast, I harbour diverse organisms with my water of kindness, I flood shores & break hearts with my ripples of rage, I encounter rocks en route, Sometimes I erode them, Sometimes I change my course, I settle down at the sea, I evaporate as mist, I return to heaven. ~ Manasaa 29.09.2020
Love , for you and from you tastes like champagne and stale kisses . And I have no choice but to put on the black dress that reeks of nightmares and memories and wear sharp red lipstick to make up for the lack of blood on my teeth that day , and saunter over to you with a stare that has all the warmth of a December night .
The club chokes on hip hop and jazz and the tables have men , with shining wedding bands on their hands caressing the curves of someone their wives gossips about .
I meet your gaze and find a void just identical to mine inside those eyes . The smile all bright but the stare all liquid shadows .
We move against each other slick with sweat and the sickly stench of fake whisperings , You trace the name of your lost love on my collarbones and I moan the syllables of a name too painful to remember , between your shoulders ! We move together to the cliff , fall , and surface back , only to again shove ourselves in the harsh kisses , the kind that don't make your heart fuzzy but hold a promise to tear it further apart . Taking , not giving . Demanding . Everything and more !
We pant against each other and you don't help me get dressed , I stare at the bloody trails on your shoulders marking you and I know they will remind you of me tomorrow , a black clothed nightmare , with no intention to form coherent thoughts . and you'll forget me after a couple hours .
Love demands ties , and neither of us has any length of our rope left to offer . So I leave ; listening to the beat thumping out from the club , Radiohead breathes "You've changed the lock three times , he still comes reeling through the door !"
When it comes to telling people how precious they are, I don't wait for special occasions but....
Self awareness comes from interacting with the world, whenever I think about 2020 and how I met you, I remember the kind of person that I was back then, I was hollow from within, I was reckless, naive, stupid, I was struggling with low self-esteem, low self-worth and I don't know what else. Have I ever told you that I judge myself a lot and it exhausts me and that's the reason why starting a conversation with sangfroid_soul was so difficult for me. You know how to make people feel comfortable, it's like you give them enough space so that they don't have to be someone else, you are the only person around whom I don't have to judge myself, around whom I don't have to scrutinize my every thought, my every action. I think you are perfect, atleast for me you are perfect but what exactly makes you so different from the rest, I don't know although I have asked myself this same question many times, maybe it is beyond my understanding but you know what, there is something really beautiful about not being able to fully comprehend a person that you spend your days and nights with. And hey, look at me today I am happier than ever, I am more confident and I think I don't really hate myself afterall and above all, I have grown so much as a person and that's all because of you, because my whole world revolves around you, because you are a gem, because you are my angel.
We have been together through thick and thin and I know you have been through a lot without saying much, without showing much. You are the bravest woman that I know after my grandmother. You never complain, no matter what and that's just one of the many things about you that really inspires me a lot. You remember what I told you during the initial days of our togetherness, that you have the X factor and even after all this time, you still have that charm, you still have that X factor and that will never change. The bond that we share is so special that I can feel your joy, your sorrow, your worries with such clarity. You are my everything, you are the only one I desire, the only one who makes me the happiest, the one who encourages me, the one who understands me, the one who is always there no matter what, the one who makes me feel so much, the one that I am scared of losing, the one who matters the most.
This quote describes you perfectly :
"What else? she is so beautiful. You don't get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she is smarter than you: you know she is. She is funny without ever being mean. I love her, I am so lucky to love her."
Happy birthday Devika Aji, I love you and congratulations for turning 18 FINALLY AND I AM SO HAPPY that you have reached the age of majority successfully and I know you are happy as well because now you can get vaccinated against covid 19 () and I forgot to add one more thing, um I guess now we share the same sense of humour?
Edit: After going through your posts, I realised that I can never write like you, never. Sometimes I wish I could because my heart aches to tell you how much you mean to me.