miracle2_3

some days are good some days are not so good. i love you and all your crazies ♥️ original works under copyright

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  • miracle2_3 6h

    ~the beautiful Kennie J.D

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    Mmwha

    It's just-it's just magnificent suckery

    It's the suck that champions are made of!

  • miracle2_3 5d

    When I make a promise and tell you that at a specific time and/or on a specific date I will help you with something
    I know what ever that something is is extremely important to you
    I play around and dilly-dally on the important shit in my own life but I never take so lightly others needs of me
    I set a minimum of five alarms because I know how forgetful I am
    Whether one per hour, one per day, or one a mix
    I set those alarms to keep me constantly aware that you are relying on me for something you hold dear
    But
    When I give you my word that MAYBE on this day or the other, at this time or maybe not "I'm not a hundred percent sure but I'm gonna try to make it work"
    I trust you as a friend,
    That's not shit that comes easily to me,
    As my fucking friend, I trust you to already understand
    If not just from my consistent behavior then at least from fucking common sense
    There's a huge difference between me giving a range of possibilities
    Versus me giving you a definite yes and putting efforts into making sure I go thru with my promise
    I hate
    Hate
    HATE
    With a passion
    When people take my kindness for granted
    Because I helped you once does not mean I'm now your sole first turn to
    You see how much I'm struggling with my own shit
    But still making time for you
    The same way you expect me to be grateful for your time and effort
    I expect the same shit back each and every fucking time
    I hate
    Hate
    HATE
    With a passion
    When people take my MAYBES as promised yes
    And when they realize oh she really did mean maybe,
    I hate
    Hate
    HATE
    With a passion
    When they then try to spin into making it seem like I don't AL-FUCKING-WAYS keep my words to them
    I'm late with my own shit but I have never been late with coming thru for you
    I pushed my exams and finals to the fucking back burner to help drive you to and from your appointments
    You know how to drive but you say you are scared
    You've taken many refresher driving classes and passed them all with flying colors
    I am not your fucking chauffeur
    If I said yes yesterday and came thru
    But say no to the next today
    Your petty ass silent treatment bullshit cold shoulders will do nothing but just fucking tick me off more
    That shit does not make me want to keep doing things for you
    I'm already a selfish ass person
    I don't have many people in my life and therefore am not used to sharing my space
    So when I say fuck it to that wall and extend a hand countless times
    Don't fucking throw that in my face, standing there scolding me about how I'm always late when I say a time
    I have never fucking been late to anything concerning you
    Just because we talked about how I'm always late to things concerning MY life
    Does not mean I extend that shit to you and you fucking know it
    I go out of my way to set alarms, set reminders, double check triple check quadruple check with you that this is specifically at this date and time and I didn't fuck up with he wrong date or time
    It fucking hurts like hell
    And then here comes the worse part
    My naturally abrasive tone is now weaponized even more against me
    How can I try and communicate with you why I don't like your choice of words, the way you paint my friendship, without the eye rolls and "here we go again?"
    Why am I expected to just sit there and not even try to defend or communicate my hurt
    But you don't keep the same energy when it's reversed, no
    I sit and hear what you are saying
    Take a second to put myself in your shoes and understand why you feel the way you do
    Try and communicate what I'm hearing from you so I know I understood clearly
    You are satisfied with that part
    It's when I try to show my emotions and thoughts too
    That's when things become an argument, no longer a conversation huh?

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    I don't really have friends
    Don't really have family to turn to either
    Don't really have anyone to vent to in my life
    So I will vent here
    To strangers
    On this app
    You can cringe
    Roll your eyes
    It's cool

    ©miracle2_3

  • miracle2_3 1w

    It's easier to get over addiction
    To alcohol
    To drugs
    To medications
    To self harm
    To a lot
    But it's so hard to get over an addiction to food
    It's hard but at any time you can put
    The bottle
    The needle
    The pills
    The razor
    The whatever
    Down and go get help
    Help can be intensive, difficult and long
    A cassette on loop
    But when it works,
    You can completely cut out that demon for good
    You can not do that with food
    You literally need food to live
    There's no way to shut it out for good like you can any other vice
    And so
    The line separating conscious sustenance
    From eating disorder
    Is only a quick one two step hop
    Away
    From relapse

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    ©miracle2_3

  • miracle2_3 1w

    I adulted today
    I am tired now
    I have to adult tomorrow too
    ...
    I'm exhausted
    ...
    Is there like a pause button or something for this crap
    Has anyone found it
    Can you please share with the rest of us
    Pretty please?



    ©miracle2_3

  • miracle2_3 2w

    I hate me as me
    I would really hate me if I was someone else that had the unfortunate luck of having to deal with me

  • miracle2_3 2w

    I have a very unlikeable, abrasive personality
    I can be very charming, "a big personality"
    I can exude warmth and maternal comfort without trying
    People naturally turn to me for leadership or to vent
    But then
    People shy away from me
    Can not easily make or keep friends for long
    My tongue can quell an entire room
    My temperament a heavy see-sawing oppression
    Unlike the explanations given on Google, yes I know I'm like this
    But no, I do not lack the empathy or care needed to feel and understand the wrongness that is me
    I'm aware of my plight and it makes me very sad
    I don't like it I don't like me I hate me
    For I cannot keep a friend
    I am the reason for my loneliness
    My voice both soft and booming
    Taking up space
    My eyes and mind a sharp razor
    Cutting people down like shredded ribbons
    I do not like making people feel like they have to walk on eggshells around me
    I do not like making people feel like a praise from me is a hard won treasure that always come with a trap
    This thing comes with two sides of one coin
    Someone others look to for guide and approval
    And someone others shrink away from, fearful of having their every insecurities made into sharpened knives pointed against them
    My advices so sought after soon turn into acid erroding
    My affection, that so hard to earn and recieve
    Once received, at the too late point
    Becomes a bittersweet venom of despair
    Many many times I've tried to change
    And still I see those I cherish guards going up at a glance from me
    Many many times I've tried to subdue
    And still the poison leaches out from my every pore
    Latching and sucking out every sign of life
    Every sign of connection
    Until not even an empty husk is left
    At other times I say fuck it
    This is me, you don't like me fuck off
    So what I lack social cues and suck at human connections
    Fuck all that anyways, I only need me
    I obviously am not strong enough to change or subdue this curse
    So why not rejoice in it
    But the loneliness
    Watching everyone
    I crave that
    I hate me
    For I am the reason for my loneliness

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    ©miracle2_3

  • miracle2_3 2w

    I am an overthinker.
    Like a well-loved book,
    aching with creases,
    words written between the lines.

    My voice reverberates with every turning page,
    I am a novel only I can bear to read.

    I have no title
    for who can name chaos?
    That is truly what
    I am; a
    whirlwind
    of magnificent
    horror.

    My mind reeks of ink stains
    I am not so much well-loved as I am worn thin.

    My corners are curled back,
    Coarse pages smudged with carelessness,
    thoughts spilling out with every
    stroke of the pen.

    Just as I thought I might retire the whole novel,
    I realized:
    I am just an overthinker

    ~Ashlyn Walston

  • miracle2_3 2w

    Being depressed
    Is living inside a body
    That fights to survive
    With a mind
    That wants to die

    ~Unknown

  • miracle2_3 3w

    I am classroom smart
    When I apply myself
    Any writing, any homework, any quiz
    Tests, exams
    When I apply myself, with lots of notes and studying
    I will surely excel with flying colors
    But that's where it ends
    I cannot take what I have learned in class
    And use in it life
    I cannot remember
    The moment I close the book
    Or finish the test
    Put aside the notes
    Any retention acquired
    Is diminished or disappears completely
    It scares me
    Trying to get this degree
    Will I actually be able to use it
    I'm afraid

    ©miracle2_3

  • miracle2_3 4w

    Somebody has it worse than me
    Yes
    But somebody has it better
    We are all at the same point of life
    Same opportunities
    Or maybe not
    There is the guilt
    And there is the envy
    Then there is the frustration because of the guilt
    And there is the guilt because of the envy
    And then there is the frustration because of the guilt because of the envy
    A cycle

    ©miracle2_3