I'm still nowhere closer in finding a proper answer. Maybe I've been looking at the question wrong, trying to find that one answer and say "this is what I feel, this is what writing means to me". Maybe I'm still not mature enough to give you an answer. But at this very moment, writing means a million different things.
Maybe it is about expressing all the deep emotions you always wanted to tell. Maybe it is a way to escape the troublesome reality. Maybe it is a way to create a new reality to feel the things you've lost. Maybe it is therapy. Maybe it is a way to share what you feel with the world. Maybe it is about the strange girl you met on the street. Maybe it is about the stories of all the strangers you've met.
Faces and names are easy to forget but stories stay.
This uncertainty is the best part, it gives you a lot of worlds to explore, trying to find an answer that can feed your hungry screams. Some nights, you just look at the ceiling as if it knows all the answers. As if an answer can make everything better. But this numbness you feel is collective insomnia of all the ones that look for answers at two in the morning.
then you write
maybe that's why everyone's a poet at two in the morning. when the world is silent and dreams fall asleep, you look for words to fill all the voids, trying to make sense of all the feelings that you drowned with colored pills.
You write about everything, some make sense and some never do. You write about the way she talks about stars and the universe, how it all makes perfect sense to her even if the world never understands the insanity.
"Sane love is not love", right?
You write about how her smile and curls in her hair slowly blend with the sunset. Red, deep reds against the deep blues of an ocean. It is both terrifying and tranquil at the same time. Another day dies and you're one more day closer to death. May some endings are just new beginnings and some eulogies are love letters to the stars.
You write about how she makes you feel, how every letter and words falls in the right place at the right time and even when it makes no sense, you'll realize not everything deserves an answer. Some voids are never meant to be filled with random things, even the emptiness makes a perfect art.
You write about how every single atom in your body dancing to the same monotony and how terrifying it is to be alive. How giving up makes a lot of sense than fighting to survive. How even the colored pills cannot save you from the darkest nights. How you feel a little sad even in the happy endings, how you feel depressed without any reason. How you've been bullied, taken advantage of, being judged for who you are and a million more things...
You write about how unfair the world is. You talk about ideologies, ways to make the world a better place, yet in the end, it never really matters. How the world is dying, how people get judged based on their religion, race, color, even the length of their clothes. You write about how irritating it is that we live in a world where the people don't even want to open their eyes and their mouth but to follow the leaders of old age.
You write because you want to. You write because it makes sense to you. You write because you hope that there is someone out there in the crowd who feels the same, who find it relatable, who has gone through the same dark path and still survived. You write because you want to feel like you belong somewhere, part of something that gives you hope even if its for a temporary moment.
Maybe that is enough.
Poetry has a million more meanings, so what poetry is and how to write a poem is something I cannot tell you. Maybe everyone's a poet, from William Shakespeare and Emily Dickinson to Atticus and Rupi Kaur. Even though I hate the one-liner cliches and "social media status" poems, there may be someone out there who found it relatable. Who am I to judge right? Maybe one day they will grow up and see the world through the eyes of Shakespeare, Frost, and Neruda, maybe they never will and I guess that is okay too. Not everyone can understand art in its pure form right? The world would have been a better place if that was possible.
Someone has lived this life, lies down on the same space and looked at the same sky wondering about the same damn questions. Some managed to find the right words to tell the story and some never did. Maybe all of this is how I feel, maybe you feel it too. Maybe this story is mine, maybe this story is about some random stranger with no name or a face, maybe this story is yours. Does it really matter?
We do worry, we do get anxious about the future and we do get these negative thoughts that linger in our mind which later affect our spiritual belief and hence trigger our yaqeen(certainty) towards Allah. We add Shakk (uncertainty ) and test Allah to see whether He will do it or not. This happens often, apart from being Qadar(destiny), where we make dua about something and we may do the acts involved in this and even say the correct words but with no yaqeen in heart and we see a failure at the end. Let's take an example: Reading the dua:(Words) بسم الله ×3 أعوذ بالله وقدرته من شر ما أجد و احاذروا ×7 And putting your right hand on the pain on your body or someone else's body(action) whilst reciting this makes the pain go away.
But, where are our thoughts? Our thoughts are still stuck on the fact that it's not the dua that will work but the panadol that I drank earlier. You have uncertainty towards the Dua but very certain on the Painkiller tablet you had.
And guess what! You may or may not heal. You are testing and trying on Allah's powers! And He has the choice to either heal you or not. Just try to push the negative thoughts with positive thoughts of certainty that you will heal by Allah's Grace and Mercy.