I took a screenshot of my recent milestone. I completed a streak of 100 with a friend on snapchat. Since she had uploaded the milestone, I had to upload it too.
This made me wonder, why is our generation enslaved in shackles of show off and stuff. What will I do of these streaks when I need someone to hug me and tell me it will get fine? Hey streak friend, will you hold me when I will be breaking in front of you? Would you even know I am breaking? Will you help me heal and grow?
I can't believe what we are turning into. I see streaks growing, real friendships drowning. What if I don't maintain a streak, will I still be called a friend of yours? Will a streak define my friendship with you?
Can we move past the overgrowing technology and appreciate real relations and emotions?
Take me back in the time when real friends existed and not meaningless streaks. Take me back in the time, take me back.
I am not good at keeping friendships. For past 2-3 years, I have lost a few good friends, two really close friends and a best friend. That's a sign as to something is wrong with me and not others.
I have realized I really can't keep friendships. I am not going to lie. I am honest and I am blunt.I don't think twice before speaking. I can't sugar coat words. That's my nature. Am I being toxic? (How do I get better?) How do I change myself?
I have feelings too. I feel hurt too. The fact that I can't let go of these people leaves me bitter with each passing day. I don't look at others the same way now. I don't let people in for the fear that I am going to invest my emotions and feelings. Then one fine day, they won't like how I behave and leave.
How do I survive? I had put in my heart and soul, only for people to leave.
Leave. People just leave. No explanation, no questions and no arguments. I wish, I wish I could do something. Maybe wishing is the only hope. Hope, my friend, is cruel and terrible. Terrible just like me or maybe you. You, my dear have no fault. Maybe I was always the fault. Faults are terrible too. Maybe that's why you left. I wasn't flawless and you seemed to be looking for perfection. Maybe that's how it was meant to be. We weren't supposed to be together. And silly me, I would still look out for you everytime, everywhere and in every person!
(First try! Your feedback (positive/negative) would be much appreciated.)
The following piece is lovingly dedicated to my youngest son, who is currently living in an unpredictable daily hell, as we await proper diagnosis and treatment for what ails his mind. Consequently, my loving husband and I are right there in that hell with our son, because that's what it is to be a parent.
You are far stronger than you know son. I just really wish you didn't have to be. ♥️
UNQUIET MIND by Carolyn Glackin Chaos and panic Decidedly manic Sanity ran out the door
Mind's on a bender I hereby surrender I really can't take any more
Distorted delusions Unwanted intrusions Taking up space in my head
And a menacing voice That leaves me no choice Than to think I'd be better off dead
Wild ideations With unknown causations Leave me in doubt of what's real
And I say that I'm fine But it's merely a line 'Cause I no longer know how I feel
Though it's dark and it's deep There's no solace in sleep Now that demons await me at night
Nowadays all my dreams Start with blood curdling screams From the moment I turn out the light
My own eyes now deceive me Though I doubt you'd believe me If I try to explain what I mean
And the scars on my arm Bear the truth of self-harm Done to cope with the horrors I've seen
I'm wired and unfocused As I head toward psychosis Reality warped and obscured
As I hide in my room Filled with terror and doom Due to the voices I heard
Some call me crazy While the rest say I'm lazy But I'm asking you please to be kind
Before you misjudge me Berate or begrudge me Come spend one day in my mind. Copyright Carolyn Glackin 11/17/2019
*Title credits go to Kay Redfield Jameson for her novel "The Unquiet Mind," which I read many years ago. All other words (aside from the title) are solely my own.
*The chosen artwork is called "The Scream," by Edvard Munch (circa 1893).
If poetry could Heal humans I could have Written nothing but words of cure. Giving you the aid Foremost. Apologies if it Sounds a little Selfish But who wouldn't Want to be a God If it occurred to save The ones you love.
If prayers are accepted easily There's a river Which is brimmed With all the prayers In your name I hope, Someone listens to The silent whispers And leaves every Blessing you deserve.
I read someone Who talked about Holding fireworks In his hand; I wonder; Can something Having a capability To burn us Be beautiful enough To love? My thoughts scatter When my life smirked At me and I realised, I have the answers Safe in my pockets.
And even if After all this, You don't find sleep In your closet Lay your head On my lap, Look up I have wrapped Those fireworks In bubbles We could look At them sparkle All night until We fall asleep And wake up In the arms Of a world Where prayers Are heard. Where blessings Count. Where we don't need words To heal but To describe how wonderful These fireworks are How beautiful This life is.
“people leave, it’s what they do. but, you’re strong. you’ve been here many times. so, cry it out. and take care of yourself even more. just remember, the ones who hurt you will one day seek you out. and you will be a different person. you will forgive. you will move on. and you will one day accept the way things happened. how it hurt you. but never let it define you. you are you. and that’s okay.”
I walked to my phone today And remembered those uncountable calls I got from you each day It was not then that I had realised The importance of your presence But now that you are away I do I do feel those miles as miles away Because the silence of my phone Tells me that you are away No notifications, no calls Nothing at all Now that I feel your absence I go back to the night I spent talking to you Like a kid who wasn't afraid to share Share that went in my mind I remember the night When I told you the hidden secrets And you told yours And that smile we shared Because we knew Something that occupied Our hearts for years Had found it's way out To someone really safe I remember that 4am messages That asked, you too haven't slept right ? And the answer was always a Yes Now that I couldn't sleep I look to my screen In hope that the call that took away All that made me find no sleep Comes again I don't know if you feel the same But this silence isn't good I feel more sick now When all I need is your voice And my heart wants to dial that Number again I know that ring wouldn't be picked up I miss everything that we made It is now that I realise That how simply I took those conversations For granted And now that I crave for it Still I couldn't bring it back I don't know whom do I miss more Our friendship or our love Or I miss you Or Your presence But I wish everything ends Like a nightmare That never happened And my screen vibrates again Again we indulge into those Never ending fights Again when I say, I couldn't sleep I get back, Oh, me too and the Never ending happiness Lives itself yet again.