On a journey to accept myself the way I am. Putting words together, as a gift, to heal a jam.

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  • nemesis_here 1h

    For a while, I forgot
    that every place I fit into
    doesn't has to be my home.


  • nemesis_here 2h

    They say, "survivors have scars, victims have graves", but isn't it true that most of us have both.

  • nemesis_here 1d

    Cranky December

    Ciao my cheerful comrade
    I've been waiting here for you
    all year long, I've been yearning for you
    I made a list of things we'll do together
    and places where we both shall go
    Have made all the preparations
    Of bonfires, of late night snacks
    and with my special knacks, of ice cream in cold
    I've adorned our place with comely camellias
    And you know that for you I held myself back
    But now when you finally arrive here
    you're in a grumpy mood
    You saw me doing these chores
    And then you mocked at me
    "I know what you want - work,
    and work you shall", well duh
    my chilly pal, what was that?
    You sure know how to ruin my plans.


  • nemesis_here 2d

    Went out for a while
    an attempt to escape
    my world, into yours
    Tried to preen myself
    with pretty things around
    Forgot that every place I fit into
    doesn't has to be my home
    But I'm standing here now
    clothes all mucky
    hands and feet stinking
    dirty-faced, hair messy
    eyes expecting the sight
    of someone familiar, though
    there are many others like me
    upright with sureness superficial
    sloppy with self doubts
    everyone in their own bubble
    And so I'm here, alone in this lonely crowd.


  • nemesis_here 3d

    A Scar, A Memory

    I remember still
    the first time I realised
    that I can sometimes scar people
    Scars that won't be visible to others
    But would just stay between
    You and me

    I remember still
    the first time I realised
    that I was doing something wrong
    when I saw that expression
    of hopelessness on your pretty face
    tears in your eyes

    I remember still
    the first time I realised
    that I had hurt you many times before
    but I'd never know why you
    held it all in until that day and
    Why didn't you got even with me then

    I remember still
    the first time I realised
    that I loved you more than I thought
    when my lips turned white
    the moment it struck me that I've always
    been wrong, all this time

    I remember still
    the first time I heard
    my heart crying too loud
    in grief, and I'm repenting that
    even after all these years, unintentionally
    I scarred you the way others scarred me

    I remember still
    the first time I thought
    I wasn't good enough for you
    when I believed I had to leave, run away
    'cause I made you suffer even after
    knowing too well how much that hurts

    I remember still
    the first time I doubted
    all my actions, and myself
    Days of pain thereafter
    Days of trying to become stronger
    slowly building that resolute faith again

    I remember still
    the first time I understood
    that I can't live like myself, like us
    if you aren't by my side, and then
    I made a promise to your eyes
    that I'd leap infinities to understand them,
    to be around, you.


  • nemesis_here 4d

    You taught me many things
    I learnt a lot from you
    You were there beside me
    surprisingly, all that time
    when I struggled, was afraid
    You'd give me the courage
    to act and win against my demons
    You made me stand tall
    even when I had bruises all over
    But you forgot to teach me one thing
    How to live when you are
    in front of my eyes but not
    by my side anymore?


  • nemesis_here 5d

    #meaning #wod @writersnetwork @miraquill

    Nepenthe - nē + penthos - not grief

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    What Nepenthe Is Not

    Nepenthe is neither 'dispelling the pain'
    nor it means 'not grief'
    It signifies accepting that sorrow, that heartbreak
    Finding what suits you then, makes you happy, in brief.

    Nepenthe doesn't makes you forget
    It helps you remember, learn
    and gives the power that's needed
    to move forward in life, towards what you yearn

    Nepenthe then won't drug you in ruins, it helps you build
    It's something that makes us think we matter
    Finding it isn't something sudden, it's a process
    Like I found mine this way, in a scatter.


  • nemesis_here 1w

    To My Younger Self

    I'm sitting here today
    Not really a place where
    I wanted to be
    But when I look back now
    I think maybe it's even better
    So, little pal I'll tell you something
    today here in this dream
    You're good, you deserve that
    You're precious, don't lose that hat
    You're trying to look cool, don't do that
    Don't erase what you really are
    You'll be sad sometimes, at times grieve
    You'll cry often, think you should just leave
    But hang in there my bunny
    You'd see better things comin'
    Not all at once, of course
    Slowly, sweetly, they've been waiting for you
    What you want, won't come with ease
    You'll have to put things at risk, on lease
    Your mind is strong, a heart weak
    But that's the best thing ever, not bleak
    You're like this, sometimes shattered, sometimes a shield
    Protect all you love, see what you are inside
    and learn to accept yourself first
    You don't have to feel burdened
    And there are things you can't do anything about
    Accept this, you're not responsible
    for everything around
    But you've got the power, you've got your dreams
    All you need to change them to reality
    is just there inside you, has always been
    On your way of realising this, don't just have
    eyes on the prize, which will soon fade
    Try your best to enjoy that process, that path instead
    But then again if you're confused, anxious, fearful or nervous
    Go make something, go take a walk and look around
    And then come back to sleep
    I'll meet you here again
    and hold your hand again
    another day, here in this dream.


  • nemesis_here 1w

    I Promise

    Till our time together loses itself
    Till our space and souls dissolve themselves
    I'll wait for you to come back, in silence

    I didn't open up, it was all my fault
    That I concealed what I felt inside a vault
    And you had to leave me here, troubled

    But I won't waste myself, I'm leaning on art
    For all the bittersweet moments when we'll be apart
    I'll keep giving life to our memories, I promise.


  • nemesis_here 1w

    With today's prompt, this came to my mind.
    #wod #end

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    An Imperial Affliction
    (A book of fiction in a fictional book)

    A book that ends midway, right in the middle of a sentence...
    Just like everything ends, abruptly, all of a sudden.
    An ending so heart wrenching that you'd long for more.