I’m writing to you today and I know you don’t remember my name now but I hope you recognise the way I am about to curve out melancholic metaphors out of innocent words.
It’s been forever,ever since we left the road on it’s mid-way,the roads we started together and ended up apart.
I met you at the most unexpected place,in my silliest tone and slopiest look.It was awkward but eventually ,I got comfortable being my weird self around you. I stopped tieing up hair into a tidy bun,and I lay down with you under starry nights,wearing my lose fitted T-shirts and trousers.
You loved making promises;brittle like the galss show pieces you gifted me on my birthdays, no matter how delicately I held them each time , they would either get cracked,broken or lost.
I remember giving up and losing myself to my own demons,but I don’t remember a single night when I did not fight against your demons for you.
I always tried to be your knight, protecting you against all dangers, evils and pain of bad luck only to lose you one day to your destined person. And like all knights in the stories I knew I was not your destiny but I was just happy being a part of your luck. I fought and lost against my own destiny to make you meet yours.
The days we held hands,I saw how my fingers could never fill in the gaps between yours,no matter how many times or how much I tried,.
I tried fitting myself into your small room without any ventilation untill I choked myself and lost my vision to the shining glimmer of your past and new lovers.
I walked the way to my own love’s funeral,like a moth that is lured in to a flame . I lost irreplaceable parts of me while accompaning you through your dark tunnel of ill-fate and low-key emotions just to witness you evaporate away to somewhere you chose to belong,like the dew drops that sleep with the moon only to abandon it to the slight flirt of sunlight.
My heart has broken into smaller and smaller pieces and now there is nothing left behind to break anymore.
It feels like the lines of luck and love were misplaced on my palms otherwise maybe at least once you were meant to stay.
But I have never believed in finding or settling down with any kind of love.
I don’t know How it feels To be hungry and then savour Every bite of food I’ve been chewing Feelings to churn My blood with emotions But despite that, The four rooms of my heart, Are filled with Emptiness, And slowly my entire, Body,Mind and Soul, Are being evacuated of; Fluids,thoughts & consciousness, While the vast spaces in my Universe, Of dead stars and failed planets; Their skies are now soaked, With heavy guilts, That has its roots to some, Infinite cause, That I can read in a blurred Vision, Is Existence itself.
I’m sorry for not being able to have loved you, At times when you needed it the most, When all you craved for was some mere acceptance, When you begged through my eyes to bleed pain, And all I did was choke you into a silent smile; And laugh with giggles that echoed with pretense. I kept saying you “its all fine,happens” I adorned you with a mask and slowly suffocated you, Untill I actually killed you, and your corpse is rotting down, with vapours filling up my voids with emptiness, Which feels much heavier than the tears, That you buried in them while you were alive.
But can orphans be healthy parents? And do children with broken homes ever find a home again? Explains why I failed to nurture you in the right way, I tried to protect you behind an opaque curtain of darkness; From the demons you were unaware of,out here, More dangerous than the predators that co - existed with us.
I wish I had had some mercy on you on those nights; When I locked you up like a child that is punished for crying after being beaten blue-black.
I wish I had the courage to hold your hand, And walk you across the garden of love like a mother, I wish I had taken care of you like a father, when you fell sick and did not eat for days.
I wish...and just wish...
If I had chosen the other way, And had let you feel and express yourself, Right through my lips,eyes and voice,without any filters, I wish I had let you grow into a plant with blooms of spring, Rather than directly maturing you into a seed of forever dormancy.
Lost things are always precious,aren’t they? and maybe that’s exactly why I miss you now. I miss you getting mad inside me while I act calm on the outside, I miss you crying like the monsoonal clouds,while my deserted lips break into a cresent, I miss you twinkling like the fireflies admist my labyrinths. I miss you mixing feelings into my blood, I miss you making my machine like heart feel broken, I miss you making me “feel” everything that is otherwise meant to be felt. —————————————————— ~ I miss feeling not okay,because I know its not okay to be okay with everything.
:\ Makes no sense eh!? ____________________________________
/A condolence to the self that I killed/ ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
You were 6 year old and it was the first summer rain while you sat next to me in the balcony watching the garden full of white lilies beneath it, asking what ever hurt me the most and I smiled saying, " unsaid goodbyes" while you chuckled as if that was the funniest answer you could hear . I wished only if you knew or I could tell you.
That innocent laughter of yours revived a similar voice which otherwise laid dead under the graveyard of my memories.
Years ago sitting with someone on that same balcony, I asked her the same question that you asked me and she said with much strength that nothing could hurt her and maybe I took it way more seriously than she meant.
She was the best person I had ever met. She had the exact pair of eyes that you resemble and trust me there was surely some magic hidden in the way she looked at me,for each time she did I would wish for the time to freeze so I could get lost in the labyrinths of the vast galaxy that found home in her pair of hazels.
She was the best lover anyone could ever have and if you would seen her seeing me I bet you would have idealised your lover to look at you in the same way.
We were the happiest humans together. Her love bloomed new promises everyday while mine was reaching new heights.
We made this home far away from the crowds because we wanted to keep our love safe from the judgements of being socially right or wrong. We knew our love was too pure to be understood by dusty - mundane minds. So, this high valley became our peaceful abode of togetherness, far away from the noise of the big and small cities.
This place remained out of reach of everyone else except us.
With her, even the autumns would drip hope and prosperity with each of its falling leaf and winter winds would ignite the passion of our hearts to interwine and beat together in synchrony.
After 13 springs of togetherness we finally decided to give our love a body and life. With much pain and secrecy you were embedded into her womb and after 9 months of penance you were born to us .You brought out the unexperienced yet always careful and loving parents in us. You became the living existence of our love.
Life seemed to be perfect.
Untill one afternoon while you were cradling in the 6 month of your life. I was sitting on the same balcony waiting for the onset of twilight while she stood beside me waiting to unfold out the darkest night of my life.
She held my hands with a sudden fright and I could feel the trembling in them. I looked at her and for the first time she looked away from me. My heart felt a kind of suffocation it never felt before.
I wrapped up her in my arms and asked her what it was.After two hours of crying her lips finally gathered the courage to move and with each of her words she was slowly killing me. She shattered my faith in love. She said she could no longer live in an illegitimate relationship ,hidden from the world. She said me I was wrong for her,we were for socially unacceptably and that you were a mere sign of an immoral love.
I cried and begged her to have mercy. I tried explaining her that love doesn't care about the two bodies being same or opposites before binding them into one. But she kept packing up her stuff and telling me if only either of one was not born as a woman our love would have lasted till forever.
I kept begging her to stay and finally after much pleading she decided to wait only for that night for the last time .
In the intial few hours before the dawn I laid down beside her, wondering if it was all just a bad dream.
It was about 3:30 when she suddenly woke up quite disturbed and grabbed me into a passionate kiss which led our bodies to experience the holy moment of salvation and oneness; where she was me and I was her. Our bodies shared the same soul and it was allowed to breathe for the last time.
The sun had begun to rise and I could see the soft curve of her body shining like the crescence of the moon.
Our last time was about to come to an end.
Just then, she rolled over on top of me and gripped my face firmly while my hands traced the familiar collar bones seated at the base of her neck. She looked at me right into my eyes. With much innocence she asked me if I was hurt and if I would ever forget her.
I was silent for a long time. I turned pale and remained motionless like a dead body with my eyes wide open staring at her face. And before my own silence started deafening me I slided my fingers slowly closer to the vocal cords of that sweet voice which was still ringing in my ears despite the noisy silence. Then I somehow smiled and told her "unsaid goodbyes hurt me me the most" with the last word that breathed out of my lips I choked her into a deep slumber of death with the same hands that were caressing her just a few moments ago.
Her soul left my body with an unsaid goodbye.
I kissed her corpse for quite long before I cremated her right under the balcony which now embeds the garden of your and her favourite white lilies.
11 years later, today on your 17th birthday while you have come to the end of this letter, you have also come closer to the final goodbye that I'm bidding off to you today.
I wish you will also water my favorite pink lilies that will start growing after somedays exactly beneath this balcony. Love Forever, Mom.
What do poets do? We have often heard that they immortalise people in their verses. What else? Does the 'I' in poems say anything about the poet? For them the 'I' too has hints of retrospection. Nothing's personal to them. Nothing left behind else of words and memories as one day they wear their wings and fly to another world, another day, for forever. We grope their words in black silences we find them soft we find them hard, to accept, the poet is no more. Mirage is the word for thirst, the never ending thirst of how we could know more about the heart of the poets. Remembrance is water, reminiscence is the desert. Death is just...
In mirage, we are remembering two such poets who not only won people in their verses, they made incisions, they made imprints of their name with their kindness. It was a huge loss, a huge loss, when they left us..
Jack Williams, known onsite as John Solomon, was a caring friend to all who knew him, as well as a loving son, brother, and uncle.
As a science minded poet, he came up with innovative concepts for his well rhymed pieces that were never before seen in the realm of poetry.
Jack was an altruistic humanitarian, who preferred to spend his time helping others, rather than in pursuit of material goods or monetary gain.
I had no idea when I met Jack onsite several years ago that he and I would become close friends and communicate daily; but aside from a mutual love for writing, we had a great many other things in common and we promoted positive thinking and we loved to laugh and joke around.
He also cared a great deal for my husband and kids and he always inquired about them and included them in his daily prayers.
Due to Jack's overall good health, I also had no idea that he would inexplicably make a sudden, shocking departure from this world, all too soon, while in the prime of his life.
That's exactly what happened though, and I still feel that loss regularly and miss him very much, but there is no doubt in my mind that Jack is happy and at peace, there amongst his beloved stars.
Jo really imbibed the name Joker in letter and spirit. He hid his pains behind that infectious humor of his. His words seemed to comfort the fellow writers who had troubles... He kept his posts hopeful and entertaining.
His words offered new perspectives and information and always he added to it his trademark comedy. His roasts became popular real quick and some sort of celebrity status was conferred on anyone who was roasted by him.
He spread positivity and cheer whenever he spill ink over paper and truly he became that crack ass comedian he aspired to be. He made a family out of strangers on a writing app, which still sticks together and that itself is an ode to his great persona.
The Contest - And Rules
We are announcing this yearly contest in memories of above two poets. Share your two flowers of love as we are asking submissions as-
● TWO HAIKUS WRITTEN ON SOCIAL ISSUES●
-Please post your submission before 30th of November.
Note: Aside from my involvement in this beautiful memorial challenge event, I will otherwise remain inactive due to my son's ongoing situation and our impending cross country move. Additionally, I will remain available for those in need of an admin's assistance.
~Beloved~ //Sauntering together on the thorns But why only i felt the pain?//
Red blood raging in my veins,'coz' some pages of my tenderness are been torn apart,Don't wash my blues 'let me',write vows on The stagnant water And the sky emulate Spring caressed the sakura,left the scars on the cheeks,How can love tatto the scars? I try to fit myself on the canvas of His life but unfortunately my soul Did not fit in it and my love was Overflowing with the paint of pain I thought that love would last for ever I was wrong~
~Wife~ Vermilion shinning on the forehead,I tied the knots of seven promises,From the veins of my heart His love was my jewellery,His hug was my warm abode I am loyal as the poets Poetries ,Lips painted with burises,wearing the bangles of The hopes and ring of Eternal love, I got paralysed From the sun stroke My death was uncertain and we departed,Tears had the traffic in my eyes I thought that love would Last for ever I was wrong~