pakhi1738

www.instagram.com/dreamsandpakhi/

Stories, Fiction and Dreams�� (;) Published author at wordpress. Keep checking in with your loved ones. They might need you!

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  • pakhi1738 4d

    I don't like to show how I really feel
    It makes me vulnerable to the ones who don't know about this seal
    And the package deal
    That comes with me
    They are signing for something unreal
    By making promises they don't know how to keep

    I stay away from strangers
    And push away the ones who care about me
    I am hurting all the time
    Because smiling comes with a price
    A price so high
    That simply livin' can't suffice
    I completely shut off
    Every now and then
    Cutting every possible connection from the real world
    Telling myself that I need some time away
    Some time with myself
    Some time to think and process this craziness
    When the craziness is just inside my head
    And it keeps getting worse

    It gets to me when I least expect it to
    Bursting into tears for no reason at all
    With pounding heart in my chest
    Wailing like a banshee but silently
    Away from prying eyes of the ones who care enough
    To shout at me for feeling "bad" emotions
    Wanting to give up
    Give up on future
    Give up on myself
    Give up on hope

    I see those disappointed eyes
    Disappointed in me
    Disappointed in the person I've become
    I don't blame them
    Just want to scream out loud
    For once
    And tell them that I'm not okay
    Tell them, I need help
    But I slide it under the carpet instead
    Because I know they don't want to know the truth
    They don't want to see the truth
    For it's all right in front of them
    It always has been

    I snug inside my dyin' body
    Every night
    To soothe my soul
    As I lose the last drop of hope
    I don't know why I am like this
    I don't know why I don't want to fight
    Fight for what I want
    Fight for what I believe in
    For I buried it so deep so long ago
    I can't remember what that is

    So if I take more time
    To gather up enough energy
    For another round
    In the life I never asked for
    The life I never wanted
    If I take more time
    To slow my anxious heart down
    To feel something other than confusion
    If I never find the little girl I never was
    But so desperately wanted to be
    Or if I don't want to take another chance
    Will you still be around?

    -Pakhi ✍️


    @the_alchemiist @u_star @mirakee @daunting_phoenix @diabolic_sugar @writersnetwork @mirakee_assistant @witchwithwords @gemmah @dove_wings

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    #semicolon #anxiousheart #notokay #anxiety #suffocation #palpitations #bademotion #disappointed #thegirlwhowrites #poetess #writersnetwork #writersofinstagram #poetry

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  • pakhi1738 13w

    Hello fellow mirakeeans!! For those who are wondering, why is there such a huge gap between this post and the one before it- I was working on a story but something happened and I had to delete it from here. I'll be getting it published once I'm done with the story so anyone who is interested in reading that, leave a comment below and I'll personally reach out to you once it's out online.

    Anyways, I wrote this little piece almost a week ago. It's about feeling anxious when you want to be there for a friend who is suffering but at the same time you don't know what's the right thing to say to ease their pain. I feel like this is one feeling that most of us out there can easily relate to. Read it and do let me know how you like it. ����


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    I call you
    Because I want to be a good friend
    A friend who's there when you need
    But is it okay
    If I don't want you to pick
    Because I don't know what to say
    To ease your pain
    I call you
    And with every bell
    My heart starts beating faster and faster
    Probably to create some space in me
    To shelter you and your pain
    You finally pick up and act like everything's normal
    And I am out of words like always
    My mind trying to process
    What's real and what an illusion
    An illusion that you try to create
    Every single day
    To fool the ones who care
    Because you wanna fight your demons alone
    And never the one to share
    I try speaking
    My heart still pounding
    My brain continuously repeating "I'm here for you if you need me"
    But my mouth just agreeing to your pretend talk
    Because it's easier this way
    I know you are strong
    Stronger than I've ever been
    And I look upto you sometimes
    If I could get just an ounce of that strength
    For myself when I'm thinking about giving up
    I call you
    When I desperately need to hear your voice
    For my anxious heart
    To calm the voices in my head
    Screaming that you are not okay
    But is it okay
    If I still don't want you to answer that call
    Because I'm fighting my own demons
    Much less scarier than yours to the world
    My soul sinking again today
    Voices getting louder
    Words choking me
    And my mind still suffocating
    Yet I call you
    To make sure you are not sick
    But is it okay
    If I don't want you to pick

    -Pakhi ✍️

  • pakhi1738 34w

    I was looking for a perfect picture for this write-up and after taking a bunch of screenshots from different sites I use, I stumbled upon this one. It's a scene from this super amazing series "sex education" and this scene in particular brought me down to tears when I was watching it somewhere in the mid of first lockdown. (Because that's the only way I can remember things now,... With respect to how many days I've been in paradise. Bad joke. Sorry.)

    "Being a woman is really difficult in India."

    That's something I've been listening ever since a lady was stabbed by her husband in public a couple days ago just because she wanted to continue with the hospital job that her husband wanted her to quit and no one came to save her. I say,

    "Being a woman is difficult. Period!"

    How about that?

    It's not the country, it's the dirty minds.

    Anyways, this is something I've been working on for, well, ages actually. I started this last year, probably a couple months before a friend suggested me this series and then I just abandoned it because I got stuck somewhere in the middle and I knew I needed to give this one a break for a while. (That's something I do a lot.) But I started working on it again like a week ago and finally got myself to complete it. I hope you read it and yeah! Drop a feedback if you do.

    【I am using this particular separator in here because as Amitabh's character in the movie "Pink" said,

    "No" is not just a word. It's a complete sentence.

    A "No" means No irrespective of who says it, when they say it or how they say it.】




    - ♂ - ♀ - NO - ♂ - ♀ - NO - ♂ - ♀ - NO - ♂ - ♀ - NO - ♂ - ♀ -





    You see yourself standing in a crowded bus
    With beethoven's moonlight sonata playing in your earphones
    You try to look outside the window
    The vision is blurred by winter mist
    Perfectly sprayed on the glass
    Those morning office phone calls
    And a perfect meeting spot
    Craving for hot cup of coffee
    And wanting to sing like never before
    Hush!
    Here comes an intruder.
    Silently sliding through the sea of people
    Only to stop in the middle of it
    And right next to you
    You look around at the ones sitting
    Turning their phones on,
    Looking at the time every other minute
    You could see the stress and disappointment on those faces
    When the bus got stuck in traffic.
    A little acceleration and more breaks
    And the intruder falls on you
    He straighten himself up,
    Grabs the handle,
    Pretending that nothing happened!
    You try to ignore it too
    And take out your phone
    To change the tune.
    Now, the bus engine is turned off
    So both the acceleration and breaks
    Are put on a hold!
    You feel something creeping on your back
    Slowly sliding down to your ass
    Your body goes numb
    With just the thought
    Of this little intrusion
    Your mind starts bickering
    About what's real
    And what just an illusion
    Did what you just felt happened, really happened?
    If it's real, was his intension wrong
    Or was it just the traffic
    Inside those four walls
    Before you could figure out
    If this was the time when you shout
    Or you lock your mouth with an
    Unknown key and throw it somewhere
    Where it's never to be found
    The traffic outside those walls
    Starts clearing up
    And the vibrations from the engine
    Pulls you out of your thoughts
    Your stop comes and you get off
    With a crazy beating heart
    And a banging in your head
    Almost, like boring a hole
    Over and over again
    A hole in the memories
    From just five minutes ago
    You walk away
    Feeling like the whole world
    Knows exactly what happened
    And you feel
    Every pair of eyes around you
    Focused right at you
    When really, they were just
    A few blind puppets
    Dancing in this world's hall
    So much to say but silent like a broken doll

    -Pakhi✍️

    #sexualassaultawaremessmonth #ceesreposts #writersbay #writerspace

    @the_alchemiist @u_star @mirakee @ephemerally_me @diabolic_sugar @writersnetwork @mirakee_assistant @witchwithwords @gemmah @dove_wings

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  • pakhi1738 35w

    This piece went through so many changes. I felt like sharing the entire journey of writing this one because it's worth it. If you don't want to read this, you can skip it and directly jump to the poetry part. So here it is. Initially, Medusa, Athena, and some other characters in the first draft were just supposed to be metaphors for the characters of a short dream sequence I had in mind. I started making the initial draft, like gathering bits and pieces that came to my mind about everything I wanted to cover in that sequence. While making these outlines, I just kept thinking about Medusa and what she went through (if you want to know her story, the original story, check my comments in the comment section). Then it occurred to me that not many people from the present generation know about this Greek mythology so I should write about her instead because people should know how cruel and unfair patriarchy can get sometimes. So I deleted the previous outlines and started writing the original story in my words but the fact that Medusa always just got pain and betrayal but never the love she deserved, stopped me. Then a thought striked my mind that she deserves a love story but no one ever thought about that amidst all the monster portrayals she got and I again started it from the scratch with a prince, his kingdom, the queen, Athena, Medusa and some other characters but I got stuck in the end. According to Athena's curse, any man who ever look at her, will get petrified (turned into stone) and I could have worked it out in the story by the prince always keeping his eyes covered with a blind fold or just looking at her reflection in the water but why a man? Why it always has to be a man? That hit me really hard and I just stopped writing for a really long time. I took time to think about it and ended up writing this.

    ° (*_*) °

    ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★

    ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★


    Once upon a time,
    There was a princess
    With eyes like the reflection
    Of full moon in the ocean,
    Big and bright.
    Medusa fall for her
    Right in the first sight!
    She used to visit the same oak tree,
    Probably searching for peace,
    Once every week.
    Medusa watched her
    Hiding near the creek.
    Princess sensed her presence,
    And gazed at her reflection
    But never said a word.
    One's reflection never lies,
    Is what they say
    And maybe that's why
    She saw the girl Medusa once was
    And not the monster
    She was forced to become!
    "I'll confront her about my feelings
    The next time she visits", Medusa swore.
    Little did she knew,
    Her heart belonged to Athena,
    The goddess of war!
    Medusa waited and waited
    But she never returned.
    Queen found out
    About her daughter's love
    For their nemesis
    Who destroyed their kingdom
    And banished her
    From the palace, for the betrayal.
    Princess ran to Athena's temple
    And prayed to call her for help.
    She didn't answered,
    Because the affair was just a scam.
    A scam to break the royals,
    To shatter the castle of trust
    They shared
    And to show them
    Where they belonged!
    Princess stayed in the temple
    For nights,
    Helpless and hurt.
    She finally lost hope,
    Wandering around in confusion.
    With blurred vision
    From all the tears,
    She found herself
    Standing by the creek.
    Medusa was waiting for her
    Hiding in the shadows.
    She decided to give her some privacy
    To process her thoughts.
    The princess looked like walking chaos
    In the moment
    But still so simple.
    Same deep, big, shiny eyes,
    Same long golden locks,
    Same innocence dripping
    Down her face.
    Medusa waited for her to calm down
    But lost patience after a while
    'cause she was still searching
    For princess's beautiful smile!
    She couldn't see her despair
    So decided to retrace her steps back
    But stepped on a twig instead
    "You don't always need to hide, you know",
    The princess said wiping her tears.
    "You knew about me this whole time?"
    "I sensed your presence from your shine"
    "My shine?"
    "Your reflection in water, Medusa."
    "You know who I am?", Medusa asked Desperately hiding the snakes on her head.
    "You are still beautiful, inside out.
    I hope you know that"
    Medusa smiled for the first time
    After a really long time.
    With her pale skin,
    Finally gaining different shades of pink
    Her eyes lit up
    As she took a step towards her love
    "I missed this smile"
    "And I, thy eyes"

    -Pakhi✍️



    #ceesreposts #writersbay #writerspace

    #sleep #night #silence #lazy #falling #fallingdreams #fake #fakememories #lost #stranger #walls #change #hope #loststories #lostsouls #patience #story #storyteller #storiesforlife #life #semicolon #memories #poetess #thegirlwhowrites #writersnetwork #writingcommunity #mirakee #mirakeewriter


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  • pakhi1738 35w

    I know that I've been writing these little fantasy dream sequences a lot for a while now, but one of these actually led to something really amazing. I am so excited to share that one and it's entire journey with you guys. It's still a work in progress so, you'll have to wait for it. Meanwhile, here's a piece I wrote somewhere in the mid of March but never got a chance to post. Happy reading!

    ¿◆♀●¿◆♀●¿◆♀●¿◆♀●¿◆♀●¿◆♀●¿◆♀●¿◆♀●¿◆♀●¿◆♀


    Every time I breathe
    My heart catches hold
    Of the ice and pieces you left
    And every moment
    That I spend
    With you
    Feels like a Déjà vu
    I look for you, everywhere,
    When love doesn't feel right
    But you loving me,
    The way I do, is all I want
    People change, I know
    And I see you changing
    Every single day
    But it all still just
    Feels the same
    The same old love
    With the same old faith!
    World!
    Can't it just fly away?
    I want you just for myself
    I want you to live inside me!
    I don't wanna stay
    And I don't wanna leave,
    Oh love!
    I don't wanna stay
    And I don't wanna leave
    I just wanna see
    One last trick
    With magic rolled up your sleeves!
    'cause every time I breathe
    I breathe you in
    For we need
    Something to break this ice
    Between us, that's unseen!
    Words!
    Can't they just fade away
    I want you to read my eyes
    And tell me
    What my heart desires
    Just like before
    I'm living every moment
    You wanted to forget
    All over again
    For it feels like
    A long lost, sweet pain
    And I know,
    When this mirror of dream breaks
    It'll again just leave a stain!
    I don't wanna hide
    If you are by my side
    You kept looking
    For someone to love
    When your love
    Was hiding in the plain sight!
    It is our destiny, is what they say
    But wasn't destiny, what we left behind!

    -Pakhi✍️


    P.C.- @azureabyss


    #ceesreposts #sleep #night #silence #lazy #falling #fallingdreams #fake #fakememories #lost #stranger #walls #change #hope #loststories #lostsouls #patience #story #storyteller #storiesforlife #life #semicolon #memories #poetess #thegirlwhowrites #writersnetwork #writingcommunity #mirakee #mirakeewriter


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  • pakhi1738 37w

    मासूम सी ज़िन्दगी ये
    ढूंढने एक नया पता चली
    राहों में ख्वाबों की
    एक परछाई सी खड़ी
    शोर से दूर कहीं
    सन्नाटे की एक दुनिया नई
    परछाईयों को इशारे पर नचाती
    एक मायावी
    सहमा सहमा सा बड़ा बचपन
    एक कोना पकड़े खड़ा बचपन
    निगाहें तलाशती एक नन्ही चिड़िया
    ख्वाब थी जो लाने वाली
    आफताब ढला
    चाँद पिंघला
    बंद हुआ सोच का दरवाज़ा
    और कहीं गुम हो गई ताली
    आग लगी कहीं
    राख उड़ी कहीं
    धुँआ बिखरा हर जगह
    लाशें खोजने निकली परछाइयाँ
    कहीं किसी कोने में एक सपना मिला
    लहूलुहान सा जो था पड़ा
    ठोकर मारकर आगे बढ़ी परछाइयाँ
    और गुमशुदा का ठप्पा लगा
    समय बीता, बड़ी हुई गलियाँ
    रातें बीती, सूखी कलियाँ
    सपने तक का रास्ता भूली गलियाँ
    पीछे मुड़कर देखा एक दिन
    परछाई सी थी खड़ी
    कहीं कोने में छिपकर
    नीचे बैठा बचपन मेरा
    शोर के मारे रो रहा
    दिल की धड़कन तेज़ हुई
    आंखों में भी पानी आया
    बीते कल की यादों ने
    जब मन का दरवाज़ा खटखटाया
    पुरानी डायरी खोली
    तो गुमशुदा सपने को
    वहीं मरा पाया!

    -पाखी✍️

    #ceesreposts #sleep #night #silence #lazy #falling #fallingdreams #fake #fakememories #lost #stranger #walls #change #hope #loststories #lostsouls #patience #story #storyteller #storiesforlife #life #semicolon #memories #poetess #thegirlwhowrites #writersnetwork #writingcommunity #mirakee #mirakeewriter


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  • pakhi1738 38w

    Jane walked through the gallery smelling like a leftover tragedy and went straight to her grandmother's room. She knelt on the floor and lifted the lid of a glass jar kept in the corner. Letters tied with jute threads, dried roses and old photographs, all looking like someone just took them out straight from a broken hearts museum. A museum to store memories that made her grandma cry and smile at the same time until her last breath. They smelled of love and her precious tears.
    They were from her grampy. He was a handsome sailor who died 40 years ago. He was madly in love with grandma and she told her that he used to write her every time he went to the sea. He told her everything about the places he visited, the people he met on the way, the terrible food he had there but most importantly, how much he missed her. They met in high school and decided to stick around for some time while all their other friends left that small town to study in their dream college. Grandma got pregnant after a couple of years with Jane's father and Grampy got his dream job as a sailor to see the world. He wanted to stay back with grandma and help her through the pregnancy but she insisted that he shouldn't give up on his dream. He kept surprising her by visiting her every now and then and they would go visit their old spots to freshen up some old memories and fabricate some new ones for the parting days. They would make their own fairy world with them and all their kids travelling together some day and how they would complain about being home sick every month. Grampy died after his ship got caught up in a really bad storm and grandma decided to never leave that town.

    Jane, with her shaking and wet hands, opened up the jute thread. In that moment, she remembered how every time she asked grandma if she could read those letters, she would just laugh and say, "well, of course love. But only after I die. Till then, these are just mine".

    With tears rolling down her eyes, she opened up one of those letters. It was dated 17 February 1869. That was the last letter he wrote. It was old and a bit worn out at the folds.


    :=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=


    "My beloved Paige,

    I am in London right now. Yes, you guessed it right. I am visiting the beautiful Buckingham palace, first thing in the morning. I still clearly remember you told me how much you loved London after you returned back from your last field trip back in school. Now I see why these streets fascinated you so much. Oh, my love! In this moment, I can give up anything to be with you and to be able to hold you in my arms. This, touring around, visiting all these beautiful, remarkable places all over the world, it's all completely meaningless if you are not with me. I miss you so much. I have decided to come back to you and be with you for rest of my life. I had so much to tell you when I began writing this letter but now I am getting carried away with the thought of being with you, forever!
    See you soon my love!

    Yours and only yours
    Finch S."


    :=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=


    Jane sat there for a while with that letter, held close to her heart, tears rolling down her eyes and a faint smile on her face. Having shared such an important part of her grandma's memory, she felt even more close to her in that moment. She finally gathered enough strength to say her final goodbye to her sweet grandma. She got up, went to the open casket to tell her how much she loved her, carefully placed her favorite lilies in her beautiful, pale hands and read all those letters to her one last time.

    -Pakhi✍️


    #ceesreposts #stories #love #lovestories #hope #lovenotes #loveletters #acrossthesea #withseabetweenus #hide #fear #silence #smoketrail #hope #readytoletgo #pain #fall #heartbeat #loss #storm #anxiety #frozenheart #thegirlwhowrites #poetess

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  • pakhi1738 39w

    I saw you
    Dancing and screaming
    "It's her birthday today"
    Standing amongst some hundred people
    Running around, bursting in laughter
    Like a child
    Somewhat like a traveller going wild
    I remember me sitting on the ground
    And watching you with a huge smile on my face
    You grabbed my hand and asked me to dance with you
    But instead, I dragged you away from that crowd 
    I remember lying down on the grass
    And you lying right next to me
    With your fingers entangled into mine,
    Continuously staring at the dark sky
    "I wish there were some more stars up in the sky.
    They look bored up there alone", You said.
    I laughed, and looked at you,
    Completely holding my breath
    Your eyes shining like the deepest hue
    Of aquamarine
    I placed my head on your shoulder
    And we lied there for a while.
    I remember us just walking
    Through the streets of the city
    In the middle of the night
    With you holding my hand
    So tight
    Playing with my hair
    Waiting for me to put up a fight
    I remember things getting blurry
    And time running like a slurry
    I was confused
    And looking around in a hurry
    Looking for as much as
    I could hold onto
    To remember it all
    Before I fall
    I felt your hold loosening up
    And you drifting away
    Into a world
    So mundane
    I heard a whisper
    As you slowly disappeared
    "Please don't wake up"
    "Don't wake up"

    -Pakhi✍️


    P.C.- @azureabyss


    #ceesreposts #sleep #night #silence #lazy #falling #fallingdreams #fake #fakememories #lost #stranger #walls #change #hope #loststories #lostsouls #patience #story #storyteller #storiesforlife #life #semicolon #memories #poetess #thegirlwhowrites #writersnetwork #writingcommunity #mirakee #mirakeewriter


    @the_alchemiist @u_star @innerthoughts_ @mirakee @wannabecreative @diabolic_sugar @writersnetwork @mirakee_assistant @witchwithwords

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  • pakhi1738 39w

    They say you are free
    To do whatever you want
    If only it was true
    'cause now here you stand
    Trying to breathe in the air
    But breathing in chaos instead

    They say you are stronger
    Than you know
    When they know
    Nothing about you
    They don't understand
    What you're feeling,
    What you've been through
    They tell you that they care
    But no one ever really sees you,
    For you!

    They don't know
    That you keep yourself busy
    By burying your head in stories
    'cause it help slow down
    These unbearable voices
    That keep you awake
    When you're trying to sleep
    And won't let you wake up
    In the mornin'

    They say you were meant to be
    A doll from their dreams
    The one, born to fly
    So why do you feel suffocated
    All the damn time
    And would rather prefer dying

    So why do you feel like
    Locked up in a coffin,
    A coffin of their expectations
    Deep down the ocean
    Drowning you
    over and over again

    They say, you doubt yourself
    You underestimate your worth
    Then why does cutting yourself
    And bleeding to unconsciousness
    Sounds much easier

    It's funny, how they keep telling you
    You are ruining your life
    But never really care!
    You make heroes
    Out of the survivors
    Searching for hope
    But when it's you,
    It hurts way more
    And you know,
    God! You know,
    You are just another
    Ticking time bomb
    Waiting for one last blow
    To give up and finally explode

    You plug in your earphones
    And hurt your ear drums
    With the loud music
    All day
    To flush out the noise from your brain!
    You keep ignoring people
    Who really care
    'cause you're afraid
    You tell them
    Everything's all right
    When you just wanna say,
    "I'm not okay!"

    -Pakhi✍️



    P.C.- @azureabyss


    #ceesreposts
    #hide #fear #silence #smoketrail #hope #readytoletgo #pain #fall #heartbeat #palpitations #storm #anxiety #frozenheart #semicolon #thegirlwhowrites #poetess

    @the_alchemiist @u_star @innerthoughts_ @mirakee @wannabecreative @bluepuppy01 @shaliya @writersnetwork @mirakee_assistant

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  • pakhi1738 40w

    Five years,
    And it still hurts the same
    You hold on to that one last picture
    As all the other memories fade
    Painting your own hell
    In your head
    This whole time!
    A hell to hold you
    And scold you
    For eternity!
    As you dig your nails
    Into your sensitive, cold skin
    Trying to ease that aching
    Of your frozen heart and,
    And that burnin' in your brain
    Finally burning you to the ground!
    So much anger and hate
    Inside of you
    That it hurts when you
    Look into the glass!
    Holding up your neck
    With your cold, shivering hands
    You still patiently wait
    For you to explode some day
    'cause you know you will
    Eventually!
    You hide it all inside of you
    Bundling it up
    In your heart beat
    Like a storm!
    A storm, To carry you far away
    Tossing you all over the place
    Making all that pain
    And anxiety bleed away
    You don't talk sense
    You've lost your mind
    Feeling so small
    And just waiting to fall
    You don't really talk much
    'cause you don't really hope much
    And you know
    Oh, you know
    You're still ready to let go
    Of this dying smoke trail
    But the only thing that's changed
    Is that now you grab your pen
    And showcase your pain!

    -Pakhi✍️

    P.C.- @azureabyss

    #hide #fear #silence #smoketrail #hope #readytoletgo #pain #fall #heartbeat #palpitations #storm #anxiety #frozenheart #semicolon #thegirlwhowrites #poetess

    @the_alchemiist @u_star @innerthoughts_ @mirakee @wannabecreative @johar_alfaaz @shaliya @writersnetwork @mirakee_assistant

    Follow if u like������

    And feel free to tell me if you Don't want me to mention you in my future posts!

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    .