When I first started writing......
My first poem back in 2018.
I want to shine.
I want to shine like water,
In sun in moon.
I want to show my colours
Like flowers and nature.
I wanna be the best
In this world.
I want to show you who am I
I want to shine like
Diamonds in dark.
I want to fly
Like birds, like planes.
I wanna be the best
Like you (people), like stars in night.
I want to shine like sun
Which blows and burns
I want to shine like water
In sun in moon ..
It's been almost three years since I wrote my first work of poem. Well to be honest I neither had the talent nor the interest, but that morning I had a little argument with my parents over things I didn't knew I could do, they said that I limit myself, I always put a boundary with people before talking to them that is why, I don't have people I want in my life.
So I wrote this, why I limited myself back then was because, I wasn't good enough, actually not at all.
I was to afraid to put myself truly out, I was afraid I will get hurt again and again.
It was a serious pain to be honest.
A pain of not having people you want to, fear of losing people you don't want to, fear of failing at everything you do or not doing them as good as others, fear of not having the courage and confidence to talk.
Now when I look back at my older self or this( poem) I think, the biggest fear was losing myself from me, I wasn't eager for other's attention but my own, I never really paid attention to me rather I gave them attention who were never meant to me, I was looking for my lost self, I badly wanted to be recognised, but by me.
In this three years of writing I didn't only got good at my grammar but I found my lost self, I started knowing what am I worth, and I'm worthy for myself, the attention I want I'm getting, from me.
My lost love for me returned back.
My lost confidence grew stronger.
And by this I got all the people I need by my side, the ones who are care, who I wanted in my life.
I think some things can change your everything, that argument with my parents ( ps thanks a ton to them, and obvio I have always been grateful and will be to them) changed my whole world, I'm not the same person I used to be, I didn't lost my old self but I grew more on my own, the confidence, the hard work, and a passion of wanting to do something so badly.
Writing changed the whole of my world for a good and I'm happy, I'm happy I'm not the same, I'm happy I still am silly but I'm not losing me.
I'm finally happy, I'm finally shining
But for me.....
I can't see you with her.
I was sleeping at night
And I thought your were only mine
But you weren't even better
Like every other boy
You fucked my life.
And then suddenly you showed up with her
Idk why but I just can't see her with you.
It's the feeling I can't describe
But I don't wanna hate her
I wish you were only mine.
Only if all those things didn't happened.
Maybe you liked her only from the beginning.
I wished it wasn't true
But I know you never felt a thing for me.
I don't wanna give up on you
Cause you are my everything
And a piece of my heart I once had a right to call only mine.
I'm sorry, but I can't see you with her.
I don't wanna cry but my eyes they refuse to stay dry.
I don't wanna give up on you but all I see is her in your eyes.
I guess she's all that matters.
I'm the lost card you first pretended to love.
I guess she's the only girl you have in your life.
I wish we could end up together but that was just a dream in night.