• brahmandjetr 55w

    Saturday.
    It's raining and I cannot help contemplating.

    @mirakee @writersnetwork
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    my depression.

    my depression is cocky
    even when i don’t give it the benefit of doubt
    it always gets the best of my naivety
    and taunts me, as it gloats

    my depression is inconsistent
    as soon as i develop a healthy habit
    it swoops down on me like the eagle it is
    on my unsuspecting squirrel

    my depression is mute
    no matter how hard I try to talk about it
    i’m always short of words
    all language seems to evade me

    my depression is sneaky
    it stalks me every second of every waking hour
    just so it can corner me unaware in dark alleyways of my mind
    to make me feel powerless when i’m alone

    my depression is turbulent
    on the days that i want to feel nothing
    it occupies my mind through and through
    equips me with the anger i require to survive

    my depression is permanent
    i’m afraid that my shadow is safer than i am
    at least it gets time off in the darkness
    that i unwillingly have to dwell in

    my depression is threatening
    to wipe me away like a stain that once was
    and it bothers me that i might just accept it as is
    without ever trying to put up a fight

    my depression is reckless
    it keeps reminding me that i have no value
    so i seek it in cigarettes, in whiskey
    and often in the beds of strangers

    my depression is cocky
    and i suffer through it every day
    in hopes of one day beating it
    i give myself the benefit of doubt

    ©brahmandjetr