• _aradhya 24w

    Yellow Dress

    Maybe if someday,
    I can muster up the courage to walk up to him
    Wearing that yellow dress
    And those white sandals
    And confess to him.
    Not my love, but my hatred.
    Not my hurt, but my anger.
    Not my doom, but the cause.
    The cause. The cause. The cause.
    He's the cause for my destruction.

    I was just 10 when I saw my innocence drain
    From my vagina which bled because of the bruises you left.
    Oh it hurts, more than the bruises
    My soul hurts.
    How innocence is just a jar of glass
    And that it can only take a moment.
    A few pushing in and pushing out and a few cries and shuddering
    A few wounds in places which you felt like you owned,
    Is all it takes
    To break it.
    And once the jar breaks
    You break. Your insides are damaged, your throat is choked, your idea of love breaks.
    It's sad when it's your own blood who does this
    Family, you said?
    Love, you said?
    I see, okay, understood uncle.
    Wait till my father hears this,
    Oh wait. He can't.
    Because I'll never say.
    And neither will you. Of course you won't.
    Because how can you justify "love" between a girl of 10 and a man in his 40s? How can you describe a forced sexual "relationship" between girl of 10 and a man in his 40s?

    Above all, how can you justify rape? No matter the age. No matter the difference. No matter the gender. How can you ever justify rape?

    It's been ten years to this,
    My mum puts a garland on my photo every single day. A new one.
    It's flowers are yellow
    If only she knew how much I hated yellow.
    Everything about yellow.
    I wish I could tell her. I wish I could tell her what happened that night
    How I grew up that night.
    How I saw the world a little differently that night.
    How I wished for death that night, and how my wish was granted by two hands on my neck strangling me, that night.

    Maybe someday
    I can muster up the courage to wear the yellow dress and the white sandals
    And walk up to you with my blood on my hands
    And show you how I never died. I faded away but I was always present.
    Yet it sucks. Because even after I died
    I still have haunting dreams
    That you can somehow touch me again.
    Even after I'm dead,
    I still am alive with your memories.

    And above all, I died with the yellow dress
    Stained with blood.
    And now I wear the dress and walk this earth.
    The yellow dress, the bloody dress. The gift from my father, the curse it became.
    The yellow dress.
    ©_aradhya