• daphnae 22w

    I can't do anything but contrast the days then, how self loathe was the only thing I could reach in order to feel the skin over my bones getting moist, and now when a genuine laughter is not enough to reflect the peace binding the overwhelming bliss in my heart. I watch myself preparing through every possible collapse from ending my life those days and I flinch today, with so much pain and fear, that what if a single thing would've gone differently. The knives I've been honing at the backyard, those are buried deep beyond my reach tonight and I know for a certain reason that I wouldn't ever try to unfold the layers of my struggles and his. Struggles to keep me happy, in peace, and loved.

    I know what it's like to lose everything and still have a spark of hope in the heart for a miracle. I also remember how I threatened myself into not believing in miracles of universe. But the skies unleashed the last prayer I would make everyday, in front of me: him. He is just an ordinary boy you'll find, obsessing over football and curling with good sense of humour until you learn his heart, full of things I never expected to feel home to. A heart I could connect to in a beat, but only realize after, months after. Less of a heart, more of my prayers and dreams. Brown eyes, I've met only once, but enough to make my days ahead, the days I know will be abandoned of his presence. How time and secrets laced our way to each other, how my heart finally reached him to kiss and breathe euphoria into. He has been someone I've looked upto on days when I never felt like opening my eyes. And every moment he has been with me, we have binded another eternity of love. He made me hear smiles over phone calls, made me fall for songs which I thought left my side ages ago, made me fall for myself amidst every bad decision I end up making. He showed me every inch of my heart, of myself I forgot or never knew existed. The places I shut myself up in, he held my hand to face them and take them in without fear and I couldn't believe when I finally could go to the terrible corridors of my life without feeling pain. He made me alive all over again with nothing but his presence over the phone. He made me feel the strength I always carried alongside, kissed my soul with every appreciation I starved for. And the day I voiced my love for him, I failed to show or talk about how much I did. But with each passing day, as my heart grows love for him a bit more, I know I would make everyday count into him and into us. I knew that one day, when I grow to be the woman he truly deserves, would be the day I will say to him "Hold my heart forever as you will, have my soul intertwined upon you, and I promise you the day I would be scraped out from the mortal world would be the day I will be yours forever, if not now, if you wish."

    Is something evident? ;-;

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    Only once in a lifetime or less, the universe makes you collide with the most of beautiful of miracles that existed within and if anyone asks me about it, I know now, every atom of my body would point to you.