• illicit_skunk 13w

    beetroot and red pee

    the year end trots towards us
    with it's festive skies
    and yet again I feel myself
    getting overwhelmed by the enormity of it all.

    they smile, they celebrate;
    I'm 19 and a celibate
    with no purpose or intention
    that could possibly be highly regarded
    by the feminine parent;
    the only one that's alive.

    diced beetroot
    forcibly stuffed into my system
    turns my pee red
    and that's satisfactory to a certain extent
    after not having bled for almost a few years now.
    the meds help but I don't bother taking them or running further tests
    because I don't have it in me to set another foot out
    in pursuit of getting back
    a few more fractions of life.

    the crackers will go off again;
    reminding me that everyone has someone
    except me;
    that this throbbing loneliness
    will run cold into the vastness
    of the space and that of the
    the air thinned, palely gravitated skies;
    that my existence and the value it holds
    is infinitesimal.

    I am losing it, myself and everything that I thought I'd never lose-
    and there's nothing to be done
    and I'll disappear soon and it will all be okay.