beetroot and red pee
the year end trots towards us
with it's festive skies
and yet again I feel myself
getting overwhelmed by the enormity of it all.
they smile, they celebrate;
I'm 19 and a celibate
with no purpose or intention
that could possibly be highly regarded
by the feminine parent;
the only one that's alive.
forcibly stuffed into my system
turns my pee red
and that's satisfactory to a certain extent
after not having bled for almost a few years now.
the meds help but I don't bother taking them or running further tests
because I don't have it in me to set another foot out
in pursuit of getting back
a few more fractions of life.
the crackers will go off again;
reminding me that everyone has someone
that this throbbing loneliness
will run cold into the vastness
of the space and that of the
the air thinned, palely gravitated skies;
that my existence and the value it holds
I am losing it, myself and everything that I thought I'd never lose-
and there's nothing to be done
and I'll disappear soon and it will all be okay.