The bed tonight talks of how I danced to the song I rediscovered this morning, how it beheld my long-gone smiles sprouting a new love. I giggle to my pillow, blushing all through the night while watching the moon by my window. Rare are the nights, when the moon would perfectly align itself with my eyes through the panes and leaves I gently ignore. I listen to myself, tracing over my lazy, rough mornings finding their way to become warmer and happy. How nights are calmer these days, and the darkness no more speaks of only solitude. My showers are still long but this time, for my songs and daydreams. I watch myself, tracing over my fears and how they are diminishing each time I smile. I hear myself laugh, loud and real, after a time that felt like forever. And these are the moments when I know, serendipity happened, amongst the most unfortunate and darkest turn of my life.
Self-loathe for me was a bottle, I puked into whenever I was afraid of calling myself up. When my own self needed love and reassurance. I have starved for love in my own hands, naked to my fears and half-torn dreams. I have walked barefoot over my crushed heart, screaming till I choke on the void of words which never existed, but I wanted them to. I have clutched onto darkness just because I had nothing else to cling on, because I thought there always had to be something we must be obsessed with but unfair if it's us ourselves. Nothing ever made sense and soon everything seemed dull, me being the eclipse over them. Poetries yawned curses and I curled up exhaling dead breaths to them, pretending to be unknown to the demons under my bed, or say, my metaphors. I was done searching for kindness, or love, or any kind of thing that would make me happy.
I felt like the tides drifting away, who could never meet the shore again. Few feets soon turned to miles and I waited, blank and bare, to everything near. Butterflies couldn't reach me anymore, I was that far. I kept barging through my anxious, skinny skies. And there was light, before I could notice them. I spent nights peeping at them, the one who kept me sane and human amidst all the chaos I splattered around. I smiled gently, out of kindness and hope that they would smile back, aware of the fact that they too have seen scars on their skin healing. With each smile I share, with each tear I shed while holding their presence; they felt closer and warmer. Fireflies nudged me with joy and I could feel it without even trying. Sharp pangs of fear rang my mind, but how could you ever stop being with someone who made your heart believe that it can heal, that it can be the beautiful in every way it wanted to be, that it had its own magic. I revealed my star to him, the one I protected from the entire universe, 'cause I know he was the soul owner of it. 'Cause I know, it would never shine brighter without him anymore. And for the first time ever, I could watch my sky being admired and adored and appreciated, in a way I never thought anyone ever could. And that's when I knew, he was the serendipity to my life, that he would always be the one I would want to paint my sky with.