The last letter

To,
Everyone I adore.
Ever felt grey? Neither black nor white
It’s like being, but all hollow inside. No?!
Then let me tell you about it
Because tonight is another such night.
Where, I have locked myself in a room
Grievously stuck in the gloom.
Sleep has long eluded my eyes
Am weary of the deceitful smiles and pleasant lies.
My hands quiver as I jot down this catharsis,
To let you know about the existential crisis.
Curled up in a corner,
I can already feel their gaze
Piercing deep, setting my spirits ablaze
Talking about those demons under my bed
Although my therapist says it’s all in my head. Tears have started rebelling,
but I am determined to write
I’ll try, Keep trying not to give up early in this fight. Depression crept in quietly, resorted in me
I never wanted all of this, Why can’t you see?
Self pity tiptoed thereafter, followed by exasperation
Truth be said, am sick of this pretention.
All of you asked me to ‘stay strong’ but how? Nobody showed me a way
I did my best to play along
But found life drifting away.
Encaged in my own insecurities, prisoner to my fear
The pain is so excruciating, impossible to bear
Bit by bit am sinking into this black hole
Draining all my emotions, dreams, desires in its swirl.
Believe me, am not heartless, am not a coward
I can imagine my father’s tear stained cheeks
My mother kneeling down, wailing out loud
My siblings breaking apart seeing me lifeless
And my friends standing astound.
But am sorry, I can take it no more
Spine chilling thoughts have zombified me to the core.
Am sorry, tried my best I swear
But it bothers me, seems like no one does care.
Am sorry, I did it again
All our attempts have gone in vain.
Am sorry, I cut my wrist
My soul had been craving for eternal rest.
Am sorry, I gave in to the perennial sore
Death is what now I adore.
©moonmoon