• clichepenname 24w

    1:21. All of you just for my sake can you repeat it in your head? 1:21.

    Checking my interview notes I glance upon the reviews and just shake my head. “Are we ready to go ? “ I ask the camera man. Instead of giving me a thumbs up, he just makes a butt/upside down hearts with his hands and I frown and roll my eyes as the cheap halo light reflects brightly in my eyes.

    3,2,1....”Good evening, I’m your most hated food reviewer Clichepenname from Toe Cup productions and here we are today regretting for today’s episode of “Where Kno(w)t to eat”. We enter this extraordinary restaurant through an entrance shaped like a sunburnt gluteus maximus. No that’s not the gladiator. Let’s head inside and seek out the owner and head chef”

    Walking past the butt doors I was greeted by an assistant who’s purpose was to welcome everyone. He looked like a 2 dimensional fox for some reason. I asked him “Why does it stink in here?” He just smiled and turned towards the doors and welcomed the next customer.

    As I walked through the poorly decorated interface and namesake website through which no one can do anything from, I glanced at a door well decorated and in the most elegant calligraphy it’s written “Recycle only” . As I smiled and headed towards it a familiar unenthusiastic voice called for me “Where are you going?” . I turned around to see Miss Mia Reek in her upside down heart gown with a hole in the dress that aligned right at her belly button.

    Extending a fist for her to bump I was about to introduce myself but she asked me without listening to my name “Where were you going?” , I pointed to the beautiful calligraphy door and she said “Don’t bother, that’s just our redditors choice. We just recycle a bunch of them. Nothing great. If you have read one, you read them all” and she started laughing like a shepherd who only talks to sheep all day.

    She led me through a couple of namesake arenas and portals through which a chef can audition for prizes and it looked like it was over run by teenagers at a BTS concert.

    “Well Miss Mia Reek, why is your last name so unpleasant? “
    “That’s Coz we know we stink! We use the stalest ingredients from the most cliché recipes to make our food and menu”

    “Well don’t you like to encourage new and upcoming talented chefs? “
    “We do. We do. That’s why we have an unofficial branch that deals with all this. Fighters paperwork. They deal with all the recipes and filter out the tra..I mean talent and choose the ones we like to showcase on our website and app”

    “This post will exceed the attention span of people here Mam. Can we like do the next few questions in a Q&A manner ? “

    Cliché: “What’s your favourite thing to eat or drink here?”

    Miss Reek: “Well it has to be the Prost of the day”

    Cliché: “Can you explain what that is?”

    Miss Reek: “So we like to encourage our talent on here by selecting a bunch of recipes thrown at us by girls and women and very very very rarely men and then display them on my personal blog”

    Cliché: “Prost, it’s like an expression in German before people drink beer, did you come up with that?”

    Miss Reek: “No, we’re not that clever.”

    Cliché: “What would you say the responses have been for your prosts?”

    Miss Reek: “Oh.....my......god, goshh, damnn, thiss, ❤️❤️❤️ and my personal favourite the eye diarrhoea 😭😭😭😭. It’s so bad people actually lose their vocabulary and then go right back to writing their recipes”

    Cliché: “That just seems like people actually don’t read the recipes fully”

    Miss Reek: “Security, we have a leak somewhere. Does anyone know how to make a recipe writer disappear?”

    Cliché: “Woah, woah calm down I was just stating facts.”

    Miss Reek: “It’s not you. It was one of our talented recipe writers leaving us.”

    Cliché: “How are you going to deal with his/her loss?Maybe they’re leaving Coz you’re a hotel that’s too biased on its recipes?”

    Miss Reek: *staring at me intently* “No for every loss of a good talented chef we have a 1000 sheef(p) to take his/her place”

    Cliché: “Last question Mam and I’m super hungry now . If you have one message to your followers, what would it be?”

    Miss Reek: “Doesn’t matter what you write. We rarely read and so do our readers. Just make sure you put a nice looking dp. Btw are you hungry the buffet is about to start serving...”

    Cliché: “No thanks, I have eaten from here before and won’t ever make the mistake again. I got my own lunch”

    Before Miss Reek could say something the camera shuts off and credits start to roll with behind the scenes audio rolling...
    “God this place stinks of rotten recipes...”
    “These people don’t think or read before they comment on the recipe, do they.”

    Well that’s all I have for you today. Sadly due to budget constraints and lack of subscribers we have to end Toe Cup productions with only two episodes and if you or the person next to you is offended by this. Please go to through the calligraphy doors and read “recipe about recipes or recipes about your favourite recipes’ recipe”

    Taking leave,
    Your most hated food reviewer



    Read More

    The extraordinary cuisine at the “Bias of spices” hotel

    Join me in this exclusive interview about recipes and their unending bias on choosing only faux chefs to be showcased on their redditors choice.

    PS: If you’re the kind of chef who ❤️ their own recipe before others even get a whiff or taste of it. Then this interview isn’t for you.