• jouska 6w

    22/10/21 (ꈍᴗꈍ) uwu depression

    @writersnetwork thanks for the like bestie <3

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    I look up at the ethereal sky and a part of me aches. Everything suddenly hurts, from my hair to the tips of my toes, every cell in my body aches.

    It is sadness resurfacing I suppose, helplessly I put my arms around her and invite her in for a cup of coffee. I don't cry or wail this time.
    I try accepting her as a friend rather than a foe, but I hate her. I hate this sinking feeling and I can't turn it into something beautiful and poetic anymore.

    This sorrow feels irremediable and I'm forced to feel these unsettling emotions. I wish I could run somewhere- run away from my own self perhaps.

    My voice cracks as I try to ask for help- throat cold and sore. I have been quiet for so long, I have forgotten how to speak it seems, no words come out and no tears fall. I sit staring blankly at the wall and wonder if this sadness will ever make sense. I look in the dusty dirty mirror and see tired eyes, no longer blazing with optimism.

    How I wish I could disappear before these monsters take over, I wish I could run away and come to you.

    My bed's a grave where I die silently every night and yet the very next morning I find myself alive and awake. I wake up and start the day with a sigh, my longing for death continues to hover around.

    This world drains me in ways I don't understand, It leaves me pondering if I deserve it all.

    Can you understand, someone somewhere?
    The sadness inside of me refuses to leave no matter how hard I try, it has built a home inside of me, under my skin and in my veins, ravaging me.

    Maybe someday this misery will come to an end before it ends me or perhaps this is how it is supposed to be. So I'll pretend as long as I can but very often death seems easier than these unstitched open wounds.