• diyabedi 8w

    Camouflaging emotions

    "I love you"
    I remember writing those words in my diary as I never had the courage to tell you how I truly felt. My anxiety screamed whenever I thought of telling you. What is this raw feeling of being vulnerable and covered at the same time? What am I hiding? Some conversations that I sipped with the coffee or that dark place where I hid my diary, my emotions or the fact that I know I won't receive an answer that I expect.

    //You never replied to my "I like you" with an "I like you too".

    Those beautiful summer days when I stared at you imagining how you were the sunshine that will keep me warm, but I was once again proven wrong. Your words benumbed me, your eyes froze my smile, it felt like winter and it still makes me cold when I picture those days. You know how I bled with every word you said, but you are unknown of the fact that pain paints more beautifully than those bright colours.

    //I can't imagine hurting you, it will be the last thing I want to do.

    You realise right that you hurt me. Did you forget the only promise that my heart was living on? But don't worry, my feelings for you will never change. I always thought my heart is heavy with all the overthinking and the camouflaging emotions but it was made of paper. It crumbled down with those three words. I wish my ears never heard it, I wish I could remove that day from the calendar, I wish I never woke up to hear something I never wanted to.
    "It is over"

    ©diyabedi