pukethesea

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  • pukethesea 249w

    I’m not taking me eyes off of you next time. No. Haven’t seen you enough.
    #theWallConfesses

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    30th October, 2:29am

    ...

    I hate saying goodbyes.
    Yet
    Somehow
    I hate them more when I can’t say them.

    #pukethesea

  • pukethesea 249w

    Coz everyone should know.
    #TheWallConfesses

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    Hey, you!

    I haven’t written you anything in really long (okay like two hours, coz I write about you all the time duh), I just feel like now is the time I do that already. It’s been quite some time since we know each other (oh you know, the usual, just a decade), so I guess it’s best for me to tell you some things now. 

    Obviously, you know how eager I am to keep telling you my stories.
    So, at this moment too, let me begin with one.

    I was just playing badminton the other day, after months of the playing-drought during the natural downpour. I wasn’t doing anything different: it was the same blue racquet as the one you have, the same grey and red shoes as the ones you wear, the same shuttle with the green strip that you get. It was the same things, the same place, the same game. Yet, somehow, it was so weird to start the badminton season like that. Without you around.

    Just like the net occasionally flew with the wind, I went with the flow. I missed a few shots I knew you would have knocked back. I hit a few you would have told me to leave by just screaming “yes!”. I dropped the shuttle I never could catch when you flicked it over to my side. I watched the borders like you did, but yeah, I’m still not sure whether I had won those two points, after all, they weren’t your eyes watching the lines.
    All these things kept happening around me, to me. My hand was swinging around as the feathers flew, but my mind was stuck at one question: where were you?

    And as I kept diving deeper into these thoughts, it struck me.

    Every time I said I can never not want to play badminton, I was just saying how much time I couldn’t give up spending with you.
    Every time I said ‘one last game’, I was just trying to extend our goodbyes.
    Every time I said ‘we’ve got to win this one, all six points have to be ours’, I was just making myself believe you’ll help me get where I want to.

    All this time when I told everyone how much I loved badminton, I was just talking about you.

    These ten years were amazing, the last ten months have been more so. We’ve had our rough times, but looking back, I love where we have come now. So the first time I asked you, “why me?”, I knew you would ask me the same thing. And you did.

    So now, let me answer it.

    Why you?
    Coz all my life, the most fun I have ever had, has been with you. All of my most genuine smiles came from seeing you whenever I could. All of my happiness and laughter came from all the words you spoke and all the stories you shared.

    Why you?
    Coz you’ve always seemed so comfortable to talk to. You’ve always been the one to turn to, for no matter what I have to question, share, or reason with. You’ve always known all the right things to say, all the right things to make me say. You’ve understood my life, before I myself knew what it even was. You’ve always sorted things for me, always stood by my side (obviously in the badminton court too, that wasn’t ever even a thought).

    Why you?
    Coz you make me feel special. You put me first, you put me before yourself. Every time you are around me, you make me want to be more me. You make me love myself for what I am. Then, you make me love myself more by showing what I can be. You make me believe in myself. You make me trust my instincts. You give me hope when you tell me what I deserve. You give me strength with every thing you say. And yes, there have been times when you haven’t only helped me change for the better, but also entirely, purely, saved me.

    Why you?
    Coz I always want to talk to you. I could be in my worse mindset, in my most horrible mood; I could be dealing with the toughest situations I’ve ever been in. Yet, as soon as I reveal my troubles to you, I feel calmer. It’s about the way you be there at that moment, that ensures me you’ll be there even if anything goes wrong. Hell, I could even be mad at you, and even at that time, I would rather argue with you than not hear your voice for those few hours of anger I have.

    Why you?
    Coz you’ve done things for me that I’ve only read about in books and watched in movies. After all these years of hearing how unrealistic these things are, right now is something entirely different, totally magical. Now, I love how I can write about our wonderful stories myself, and place my book in the category ‘non-fiction’.

    Why you?
    Coz you don’t back out. You respect me and my thoughts. You are considerate towards my decisions. You accept me, even when I don’t accept myself. You finish my sentences when I fumble with my words. You know what I’m talking about, when I don’t know surely myself. You know what all I’m about. We think the same things, at the same time. We are great minds after all.

    Why you?
    Coz you take care of both of us. And I trust you to do that. Now when I re-read my favourite quotes, I find you wherever you should be found. When I re-watch my favourite shows, I see you in every scene you should be seen in. When I listen to my favourite songs, I hear you in every rhythm you should be heard in.

    Why you?
    Coz you’ve heard me when I haven’t even spoken. You’ve read words that I haven’t written. You’ve seen emotions I’ve never shown.

    Why you?
    Coz there could be no one better.


    Why you?
    Coz it’s always been you.

    #pukethesea

  • pukethesea 252w

    Random, incomplete month-old writing coz I have nothing new right now.

    #TheWallWaits

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    xyz September, xyz pm

    (To Be)

    I wake up with the rays
    Of the sun hitting my sheets
    Whispering to me
    “There’s more than this to be”
    I follow the path that they lay
    Perk myself up for the day
    Calmly to myself I say
    “There’s more than this to be”.

    #pukethesea

  • pukethesea 252w

    Been working on this concept since four days, yet could only come up with these scribblings.

    What does a hug mean to you? Comment below.

    #TheWallConfesses

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    9th October, 10:33pm

    (Hugs)

    I don’t like hugs.

    My aunt usually hugs me when she comes over. She walks through my door, opens her arms wide and just makes me unmovable for a few seconds. I am a little used to this habit of hers, so I mentally prepare myself to have my personal space evaded every time I see her although I avoid even standing up when she arrives.

    My friends hug me sometimes. I’m not sure if I can call them that, considering I see them probably once a year. Inspite of such long absence of interaction, they just wrap their hands around me like they were the flaps of the wings of some baby bird learning to fly, purely uncontrolled and desynchronised. It doesn’t feel any different, except I just want to get my breath back.

    The thing is, I don’t get the concept of hugs. I’ve heard people talk about how they like going home to a good hug; just eases their days’ worries and relaxes them. How does squishing a person for sixteen-something seconds just make everything better?

    I really wonder how that feels sometimes.

    And then I begin to wonder, why does it feel the way it does. What is so comforting about having someone around you (literally)? What is the warmth that everyone talks about? How does it make their troubles vanish into thin air? Why does that happen? How..

    With all these questions hovering in my mind, I try to put myself to sleep.

    I don’t like hugs.
    Yet,
    I crave them.

    #pukethesea

  • pukethesea 253w

    In response to a question by @authordonbeckworth

    #TheWallAnswers

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    30th September, 7:35am

    (How)

    How do you tell a woman she’s beautiful when everyone does?

    You don’t.

    Her beauty will reflect in your eyes
    And she’ll see the fire burning there.
    She’ll see how your heart stops when she smiles
    And when she opens up her flowing hair.
    She’ll hear it in the words that you speak
    Also in the silence that makes you weak.
    She’ll see it in the eyes that you bow
    When in your mind you go ‘woah’.
    She’ll see it in the way you hold her
    Knowing there’s more before letting go.
    She’ll see it in your hands fidgeting
    Longing to have her fingers in between.
    She’ll see it in the stammer of your feet
    While she turns around to leave.

    She’s leaving you breathless
    And that’s how she’ll know
    she’s beautiful
    to you.
    Most beautiful
    to you.

    #pukethesea

  • pukethesea 253w

    26th September, 9:15pm

    (I)

    I used to fumble with my words
    Stammer, fall short
    Of things to say
    And thoughts to think.

    I never knew what I was doing
    The wind blew me with it
    Always unknown to what would stay
    Once my eyes blinked.

    But you..

    You
    Created a rhythm
    In me
    One that was unheard,
    Perhaps never possible to be,
    I waltzed with the music
    Like I waltzed around you
    And dove into the lyrics
    That were penned with clues.

    I began to sleep
    Yet craved to be awake..

    Now.. where is my reality gone
    Oh when did I love my dreams
    So much more?
    Darling
    You walk them with me every night
    Like you once walked the road home.

    It’s alright, I’ll fall asleep
    Humming the buzz,
    Tearing up to the words,
    I once sang aloud
    For you
    to you.

    #pukethesea

  • pukethesea 254w

    28th September, 11:11pm

    (Road)

    I walked eight thousand steps today
    Six point one kilometres up straight
    And with every increase in my pace
    The road led me closer to home.

    I made it to the top, my head held high
    I took a deep breath, let out a sigh
    Looked far away while squinting my eye
    I stared and stared for a while
    Hoped for something beyond the shore
    Maybe even deep in the earth’s core
    Soon a crack from the sky, broke
    The road led me closer to home.

    I reached my hand for the clouds above
    Glided down, feet on the ground
    I walked a little, just a little more
    The road led me closer to home.

    I realised that everywhere I saw
    There was always the perfect call
    In the oceans I would swim
    and in the pits I would fall
    I would find the right map drawn.

    All roads lead me home.
    To you.

    #pukethesea

  • pukethesea 254w

    24th Sept, 2:22am

    (Are)

    “Are you okay?”

    I’ve tripped and fallen a little, let me cry over it now.
    I will be okay, with time.

    #pukethesea

  • pukethesea 254w

    23rd September

    (Don’t)

    Don't you have to sleep? It's past 12."

    Not yet, no.
    My reality at the moment is better than any dream will ever be.

    #pukethesea

  • pukethesea 255w

    20th Sept

    (Why)

    "Why do you keep smiling all the time? Say something."

    Because you do such wonderful things to be there, you deserve to see how happy you make me.

    #pukethesea